my first story! yay! tell me what you think?

Chapter 1

My name is Bill Cochley and I grew up in Rio Rancho, New Mexico. I have lived here all my life and I had always heard strange stories, you know the type, alien crashes, abductions, cattle mutilations you name it, I’ve heard it. There is a story though my grandfather told me when I was much younger, a story about Diablo Mountain.

You see in the time when the first European explorer's arrived in this area during the time of Coronado in the 1500's. The natives revered this mountain as holy to them. They claimed both good spirits and bad spirits resided in the mountain. They were stories of whole tribes vanishing here and never heard from again. However there is a story of a band of the pueblos who were in the desert and dying, the sun scorched their skin and eyes, they had no food or water with them.

Their leader was a young man who had replaced his father when an enemy tribe drove them south, killing his father in the process. The boy was very young and inexperienced. Members of his tribe blamed him for their predicament and they mocked him. One night he came to pray to the sacred spirits and begged them to help him lead his people to safety before they all died. To his surprise there was a brilliance of light and a sacred buffalo appeared to him. He instructed the young man to build an altar at the base of the mountain and that then their needs would be taken care of. The next day he led the tribe to the foot of the mountain where to their surprise food and water was plentiful, and a stone block provided to shape an altar. This gained the young man the faith and loyalty of the tribe. He built the altar as he had been instructed to do so, and was taught to commune with the spirits and the people lived well at the foot of the mountain for centuries.

That is until the Spaniards came having been told of great wealth of gold and other riches that the tribe held. The Spanish rode into the center of the settlement and demanded to speak with their leader. Their Leader who was the 13th descendant of the young man in the desert greeted them and tried to communicate with them. In their frustration at the failed attempts of communication and they killed their leader and destroyed the altar, upon the altar's destruction it is said that the earth trembled, and the wind came down with a fury. The top of the mountain was set ablaze and a beam of light shot into the heavens and removed all the stars from the sky including the sun. Day became night and in an instant all the Spaniards were taken. The peak of the mountain split into two and then crashed inward on itself. That was the story as it was told by my grandfather to me. So all of my life I have searched the mountain hoping to find something that would shed light on this legend, well last week I found it.....




[edit on 7-5-2005 by worldwatcher]

That was very good, interesting and i really enjoyed the read,

Very good work

very good, I'm wondering now, what did you find?

hehe thats chapter 2! Thank you for the editing worldwather and yours and asala's kind comments. Im writing this story a chapter at a time so in case i go one would of my wild tangents i can make corrections etc.

Very good X baby. I can't wait to read the next chapter. I have a feeling something bad is gonna happen LOL

oh and I like the buffalo

i like your grandfather's story, lol. Anyways, bring chapter 2 soon, the first one was interesting.

Wow, i didnt expect the story to be that well liked thanks all

Chapter 2

"Hey sara Ive got a little project are you Interested?" the phone cord was being chewed on by my dog. "Well, you know me if it involves caving im in bill" Great! sara was an expierenced caver and geologist i knew from my college days. She was also at one time my girlfriend but it never did work out. "Great sara! let me get some things packed and i will come over and then we can head out to the mountain". "The mountain?" she replied, "are you going up diablo mountain because of that crazy legend again?" I could tell she was less than enthused "i've found something that i want you to come with me and check out". "what?" she inquired "i will brief you on the way there" i heard the phone click and i hoped that meant she was coming and not get lost.

I scrambled to get the things i wanted for this trip, camera, flashlight, and a small cutting torch. As I was bringing the last supplies i wanted to the jeep i glanced over at my field journal. I picked it up and got into the jeep and headed out. My house was in a fairly secluded area in the country and i had about a fifteen mile trip to get to saras. I looked at my clock on the radio 6:30. I hope we can make it to the mountain before dark at least, i stepped on the accelerator and heard the roar of the jeep as i traveled down the road.

I pulled into sara's driveway about ten till 7:00 and layed on the horn. She came out of the house with a small pack and a rock hammer. "I hope your not going to use that hammer on my head" i quiped. "I will if this is the best trip ive ever had to this mountain" she replied with a slight grin.
"dont worry i found something very interesting" i added as she got in and put her seatbelt on. "now whats this big secret of yours?" she inquired as she scanned my face for hints. "well, its in a fissure on the mountain and thats all i will say for now" I reved up the jeep as i pulled out of her driveway and headed for the mountain.


The sun had began setting and was beutiful as we parked on the mountain. We got out of the jeep and walked in the direction of the fissure, we were almost there when sara stopped and looked at the sunset. I looked back at her and asked "is something wrong?". she glanced at me and said "bill isnt that the most beutiful sight?". "ummm..sure" i replied as i crouched near the fissure not really paying attention. "SURE! thats all you have to say?!" i had flipped on the flashlight and begun looking in the fissure to make sure no animal or any thing had taken up residence in fissure when i felt a swift kick and i tumbled in. "hey!" i yelled as i settled on the bottom of the fissure. "Oh bill! im sorry!" she said as she broke into a snickering laugh. "it's ok, but now that im in here get down here." She climbed in, the fissure was not deep and really was uninteresting other than what lied inside. She joined me near the back and stopped when she saw the metallic wall. It was shiny and warm to the touch with a strange writing on it. "Tell me sara, Is this supposed to be here?" She barely glanced at me as she began fiddling with the surrounding rocks to reveal more of the wall. She cracked at it with the rock hammer and then said "i need to go back to the jeep, i need some more of my stuff" I nodded and said "yeah, i want my camera". We both emerged from the fissure and were walking back toward the jeep to get our equipment when i glanced up and nearly fell over. "Sara! Sara! do you see that!" i yelled not believing my eyes. She looked up and gasped in awe. Above our heads was a triangular shaped craft with three bright white lights in each corner and one in the center. It was gigantic, it completly blocked our view of the sky. Thats when we heard the noise, a high pitched sound. Sara and i covered our ears as the triangle took off fast in a westernly direction. As soon as the triangle left the noise stopped and down the road came a convoy of humvees and we heard the helicopters start surrounding the mountain. Within Minutes we were swallowed by a swarm of military. A burly man exited the humvee and walked towards me and sara. He glared at us and said " Your trespassing on government property!". "Since when?" i asked and thats when i felt something hit me in the head and i blacked out.