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Living through other people

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posted on Jun, 19 2005 @ 04:48 PM
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I live more through other people than I do myself...
I'm emphatic
The thing that i realized is that there is so much of other people inside me that I end up living though them and mirroring them
when i'm with certain people theyll mention how much i remind them of themselves
so i'm wondering how can i find me find out who I am live through myself and not the tons of people that are around me
It's driving me nuts

equineartist




posted on Jun, 19 2005 @ 05:31 PM
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Do you mean empathic? As in Empathy?



posted on Jun, 19 2005 @ 05:50 PM
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Originally posted by ShadowedRedemption
Do you mean empathic? As in Empathy?

...yes it does...



posted on Jun, 19 2005 @ 05:54 PM
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Okay.
I understand you on what you mean by living through other people. I'm empathic also, and recently my ability has been high. The emotions from other people crowd in so much I can't feel my own, giving the feeling that I'm living through other people.
I haven't figured out a way to stop this from happening, besides going to my room. But even then when emotions run high I can still feel it snaking through the house.
I think all you can do is bear it.



posted on Jun, 19 2005 @ 06:10 PM
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......Your kidding?

Just cause you can tell what emotions people are having doesnt make you a mind reader.....



posted on Jun, 19 2005 @ 07:39 PM
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Being empathic is not the same as being a mind reader. Your feeling people's emotions, not reading their minds.



posted on Jun, 20 2005 @ 05:14 AM
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Equineartist7,

You really need to learn to block, put up Shields, disconnect, however you wish to do it. What you have is a talent, and one that can be useful to yourself and others but you are letting it take over. When anything, drugs, another person, a religion, takes you over that is bad.

I will point someone your way that can help.


A.T
(-)



posted on Jun, 20 2005 @ 05:46 AM
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I would say i am quite similar, but yes, i like to think of it as a talent, and not a burden. It is more of a good thing when you are able understand things about the people around you than not, i would much prefer to have the ability. It can interfere with your own charecter, as it muddles you up a bit from time to time. In time though, you will understand how you yourself really think and feel, then you should develop your own unique charecter which you feel happy and natural with.
I would advise you just take a little time to yourself, be honest and understand as best you can who you really are. And hopefully you can get some answers!



posted on Jun, 20 2005 @ 01:48 PM
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Thanx...
but I like literally end up mirroring peoples ways of doing thigs...
here's one of my stories..
So I started riding with a new riding instructor that isn't as confident as my last riding instructor.
and I have started picking up the problems with riding that she used to have. Totally mirroring her and I cant get back to level that I was riding at. She passed it to me and now i have problems with being tense while riding when I've never had them before.
She also has empathy as did my other riding instructor before that.
and that makes it worse
That and the fact that my old instructor is getting mad at the fact that i want to have her as my instructor again, so we've been constantly projecting anger at each other and I've never been good at sheilding.

I also project like crazy and I can't like control it anger and saddness and happiness anyone within 300yrds can feel my emotions. I can feel there's it's just a mess.
As I go on I relize that I feel a little bit of myself inevery single person I have ever met and/or seen, like i am everyone and myself all at the same time. does anyone else get that
and my personality constantly gets overided by other peoples personalities
and help with sheilding would be nice if anyones willing to help

equineartist



posted on Jun, 20 2005 @ 08:00 PM
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I can sympathize with what you are saying. I have had something of the same problem with 'adopting' someone else's personality, or having their persona take over and 'dominate' my own......it is hard to control, and I have only had partial success. But I have gotten better at it, and I think being aware that it occurs is a step in the right direction.

I did some meditation, practiced asserting my own 'will' over the dominate types....but in some cases, I finally had to just simply avoid contact with some people. They were just too draining.

You might, over time, be able to retain some traits of these other personalities.....the more positive strengths can be assimilated, or adapted to your own. Like learning to ride.....you added to and built on what you learned from one lesson to the next.

One of the dominate types ( that I finally chose to avoid) did come in handy in an interview once. I had been through one meeting, and had been a bit pushed around....so on the call back, I decided that I would "be Sue" for the next meeting....so I went in and ( uncharacteristically ) dominated the second interview! Surprise, surprise....I got the job!

Do some searches on the internet....there are a variety of sites on meditation and the like that might be of some help. Good luck!



posted on Jun, 21 2005 @ 01:27 AM
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Equineartist7,

I have been a little torn about you, on the one hand I wish to help, on the other we have only this typed connection to use. A big part of what I do is to strengthen your resolve by example. If over time, with much discussion, you can come to trust me, this helps you to trust yourself.

But since this is the 3rd time since I have been here that I have seen someone with this problem I am going to explain the most basic of methods. I know they work, and have done so time and time again for every student I have had in all my years of teaching.

If you have the power to feel other's emotions then you have the power to control it. That is not a guess. You should realize that if you cannot control it then it is only because you choose to be that way. Any other attitude is false and dangerous.

Please read the above paragraph again, consider it for a moment. Reach down and ask yourself 'is this the truth'? You know it is, and you can judge how far you are from where you should be by the strength of your response.

A shield is your way of expressing that control, if we had a nice simple switch that would be great but we do not. You have to apply your will to control your abilities.

Again, please read that last paragraph once more and consider it for a moment.

Ok, now what you need to do is find a quiet spot, as alone as you can get. Empathy is not really limited by distance but seeing a person brings them to your mind and does open the door a little wider.

Sit down, relax a bit. Spend a little time breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth. I cannot stress enough how important this is, we hold way more tension in our bodies than we should and this helps to release it.

Now close your eyes, keep breathing, and visualize a sphere of pale white energy around you. If you were standing it would be just beyond your fingertips if you extended your arms (ie you never really come in contact with it except at your feet).

While you are doing this remind yourself of the things I said above, believe in yourself, believe in your power to control what you experience.

The key to making this work is belief and practice. Every time you sit down to practice you will find the shield works better and better. It is the effort than makes it take hold, so find time at least every few days to spend 30 minutes or so.

It would be helpful if you would U2U me and fill me in on your background, what is your real name, how old are you, where did you grow up, do you have any religious or other forms of training. I do not want your address, I do not want your phone number, but I am operating blind here and that is not good for either of us.

If you are not comfortable with doing this then I can only suggest you look for someone you are comfortable with. It matters, a lot.

I wish I could be there in person, I wish my words and strength could be shared with you to make it easier but that is not possible. I barely know you but I can feel you out there.

I believe in you, now it is time for you to do the same.


A.T
(-)



posted on Jun, 21 2005 @ 11:55 AM
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I'm definitely going to have to try it
Thank you so much..



posted on Jun, 21 2005 @ 12:08 PM
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Isn't it a natural human instinct to mirror the feelings of others we're close to? (physically or emotionally).

Is this not why when someone is hurting, we feel their pain, so to speak?

I suppose I've never seen this as anything more than human instinct. When a baby cries, we'll generally wish to soothe and comfort.



posted on Jun, 21 2005 @ 04:44 PM
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Originally posted by Equineartist7
I live more through other people than I do myself...
I'm emphatic
The thing that i realized is that there is so much of other people inside me that I end up living though them and mirroring them
when i'm with certain people theyll mention how much i remind them of themselves
so i'm wondering how can i find me find out who I am live through myself and not the tons of people that are around me
It's driving me nuts

equineartist


I used to have a problem similar to this. I say problem because I did not know who I was. I took a year sabbatical away from most people and spent every day learning who I am. I had very little interaction with others at this time because it took my focus away from learning me. After that year, I came back a much stronger person. I am no longer intimidated by others. I had to learn where I ended and others began. I was too enmeshed with other peole to see who I was. Now I can say No and not feel guilty. I don't find myself becoming the person I am with.

Try spending some quality time alone with yourself. It can be very frightening, but it is very rewarding in the end.



posted on Jun, 21 2005 @ 08:43 PM
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Equineartist7,

We will keep in touch, let me know how things progress. I got your U2U and we will talk more that way. We can continue here with anything you feel comfortable talking about in public but some things are best said in private.



Tinkleflower,

You are certainly right that basic empathy for others is very human. It is simply not all there is to it.

I think I accepted Empathy very early in my studies because it just makes so much sense. We all have emotions and they do the same sorts of things to everyone. Exactly how we handle say being angry is a somewhat unique but the similarites far outweigh the differences.

Emotions generate energy, the red face of the angry comes to mind but they all do in different ways. When I am responding to a serious post about these matters I am sitting still, and yet beads of sweat will run down under my arms. Heat just radiates off of me when my concentration is intense.

Where exactly does 'normal' empathy stop and the other begin, who can say? Does it matter if you understand what someone is feeling because of subtle visual clues, scent, or mental ability? I do not think it does and in fact all of those things are part of the experience.

Because we have another way to cross-check our conculsions most Empaths become experts at body language and reading all the other signs of emotions that people show.

So for those who are more science-minded you can say that we are able to register far more than is commonly understood. There is an emotional component here as well, most people get much stronger sensations from those we care about directly. Why, because we wish to, it is important to us so we try harder to 'see'.

The reason I know that Empathy is more than advanced senses is that proximity is not necessary. Sure anybody can look at you can see you are spitting mad, but how do I know that my wife feels that way when she is still on the drive home? Actually she is rarely that angry but you get the point.

That moves us into a different realm I think.


A.T
(-)



posted on Jun, 21 2005 @ 09:03 PM
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Well, I have a suggestion, I wont deny your problem, but this could be a solution, perhaps something more straightforward.

Think Straight, and by this I mean whenever you feel troubled, stop and look around, and remember that you can always make sense of the situation and see it how you wish. If you dont want to feel others pain, deny there is a connection, if you cant help but feel influenced, try and justify how it could not exist.

The above is purely my take, and, if suggested by anyone else, should not be taken as advice, seeing how I have absolutely no idea about this subject.

If this is truely the wrong thing to say, I'll edit to remove the post.

However, your concious mind is able to, and can tame even the most powerful emotions. I assure you.



posted on Jun, 21 2005 @ 09:13 PM
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I read the foregoing but I did not live it vicariously.

Being fully present and fully what your self can be seems a better option than numbing yourself except to the feelings of others.

Definition of empathy: "It rubs the lotion on its skin...."
(obscure film & song reference).



posted on Jun, 22 2005 @ 07:10 AM
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Ok first things first (i had no idea it was a "common" thing)

For a while my brother was quite depressed (hes ok now phew! ile explain in a minute). Ok so whenever i walked into the room or near him i felt a wave of anxiety and dread come over me. I thought "what the hek? why do i feel like this? i was laughing and feeling great outside just 2 minutes ago?". There have of course been many more instances but i dont want to bore you with them.

BTW If anyone wants to look at the scientific side of empathy then a simple google or wikipedia search will do. Also check out the global conscienceness program.


Ok then.....the side effect of empathy. For those of you who believe you have empathic abilities, let me explain. My girlfriends gran just died recently. Long story short she gave me a hug and i wished i could get rid of her pain, a split second later I actually felt her pain be sucked into my body.

I cant explain it very well as the whole thing cant really be explained in a linear-thinking way so to speak. Basically, she was upset, i could feel it, see it, smell it, it was a kind of.......a multicoloured, black, shapeless ooze twisting, and vibrating with her heartbeat inside her mind. I couldnt see it physically though. (i know that probably doesnt make sense just bear with me.) Now all i did was think about those emotions, for a split second i wished i could take them and the ooze was sucked into me. I wonder if it was to do with aura....


Within minutes she told me she felt better. I felt like crap of course but i said did she want to go for a walk and she said yes.

Many people now say they feel more happy around me. I can now feel different emotions as colour and texture. This "draining effect can happen sometimes at random but i havent really had much trouble dealing with it. Once the draing occurs whatever goes into me i feel get released into the atmosphere.

I did some further research on this and it turns out that we all emit different frequencies of waves from our brains. Now im obviously not an expert on the topic (no one really is) but could some people.....be able to subconsciencely tune there mind frequencies in so they synchronize with anothers mind....causing the empathic ability??? If you dont get it ile explain in more detail my theory.

[edit on 22-6-2005 by Shadow88]



posted on Jun, 22 2005 @ 07:19 AM
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[edit on 22-6-2005 by Shadow88]



posted on Jun, 22 2005 @ 07:25 AM
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Yeah think about it, Parents sometimes just do everything for their kids. But on another angle living vicariously has the same elements, except it is mostly through a TV show like Star Trek, or slavish devotion to the tabloids. That is why people say "get a life," to all those "trekies."

The capacity to do so may originate from the survival value of doing everything for your kids, but when you ignore everything and everyone else for a TV show, you are deep in a problem that requires an anonymous organization. Get ready for the twelve steps or become a parent and do that vicarious living for the right reasons, after all it is hardwired into our species.



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