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This topic is in the Short Stories discussion forum.  (rss)


Pane of Despair




Topic started on 17-6-2005 @ 10:00 AM by intrepid


If you don't already know I work at a maximum security institution. I saw something today that I had to share. Seeing as I haven't written much lately, I decided to use this forum. Forgive the rustiness.

I was working in Inmate Visits this morning, my task was too mundane to meantion, however I was passing one of the windows and noticed the handprints on it. I took a minute to let my mind work on what these prints were saying to me. She had come to visit her man, how she got there the glass didn't say. Maybe she drove, had a friend drive her, or taken the train, as it was quite a distance from the city. She would have invariably have been wearing a cool summer dress and it would be his favorite color. He would have been in his bright orange jumpsuit, nobody's favorite color here.

Down low on the glass two sets of prints offset each other, seperated only by the lipstick mark where she had said her goobye. They were reaching out to touch each other, not quite though as the glass prevented it. She was sorry that she didn't come last week, she had to work overtime and the trip was too long. "It was OK", he realized that this whole situation was his fault. He didn't say it, they both knew it.

Further up on the pane were another offset pairs on prints. His Mother had called and was really beginning to worry, as he hadn't called in quite a while. He would deal with it when he got out. Katie was graduating elementary school next week. He knew, he wished he could be there. He hoped that she could buy her a nice dress for it. She would bring in the pictures when they were developed. How was he? Alright, nothing changes here. He had his three constants, time, routine and terrible food.

Time's up. Strict time guidelines end the conversation. She kisses the glass and waves. She would be back next week. That's where I noticed that there was another set of prints, high on the glass and streaming down like tears. This set however was different. They were only on the inside.

[edit on 17-6-2005 by intrepid]



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reply posted on 17-6-2005 @ 11:43 AM by DeusEx


Incredible. Best piece I've seen on ATS in a long, long time. You should consider writing more. They need some sort of mod-applause-giving apparatus.

DE



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reply posted on 17-6-2005 @ 11:53 AM by Byrd


Oh... WOW!!!!

Incredible little short piece. Wow.

Just... wow!



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reply posted on 17-6-2005 @ 11:56 AM by asala


wow what an amazing piece of work there !!

I look forward to more,





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reply posted on 17-6-2005 @ 12:00 PM by intrepid


Thanks guys, getting the "itch" again.



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reply posted on 5-7-2005 @ 06:26 PM by worldwatcher


excellent work, very poignant



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reply posted on 5-7-2005 @ 09:03 PM by Icarus Rising


Really a fine job of setting the scene and catching the tone. I felt like I was right there beside you taking it all in. Very powerful imagery.




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reply posted on 14-9-2009 @ 05:54 PM by jackflap


reply to post by intrepid



Nice little piece of work of here intrepid. I mean, it's from 05 and still has the same impact as if it was written today. I'd love to see what you can come up with now if you had the time. Consider the contest man, even if you can't be considered the winner because of your moderator status it would be cool. Thanks for sharing.

Edited to add a long deserved star and flag.

[edit on 14-9-2009 by jackflap]



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