posted on Jul, 18 2005 @ 12:20 AM
You know, life gets strange when you're out of high school. Suddenly all the things that were so important in the pecking order mean nothing. I've
always been a nerd, a dork if you will. Heck, I'm the guy, when someone asked us to post random lies, posted "No, Piccard, there are 5 lights"
while others were putting things like "I'll still respect you in the morning."
I had always relied on my personality. I believe I have a good one; I'm usually very happy, and even if I disagree with someone at work, I can
understand where they're coming from and express that to them. However, I had never though I had any physical qualities worth squat. That changed
when the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, took an interest in me without ever having talked to me. I mean, we're talking supermodel beauty
without having to rely on makeup or angles and light to make her beautiful. She is absloutly gorgeous. Never seen anyone better looking.
Unfortunaltely, our personalities clashed, as did our goals in a relationship (I'm looking for a wife, she was looking for a good time). So, as a
result, nothing happened. However, I really had to reassess how I saw myself. If the most beautiful woman I had ever seen was interested in me, ugly,
dorky little Jake, my self image had to be severly lacking.
I tell you this because I read your "loser" comment. You have a negative self image. This is in part due, I'm assuming because you're on such a
cool site as ATS, because jocks and bullies targeted you for being a "dork" throughout school. As a result, you developed a negative self image, and
don't see the fantastic qualities to yourself that others see. Chicks dig self confidence. Since I had realized Keri had an interest in me, my entire
outlook has changed, and women have been displaying an interest across the board. I haven't found anyone that complements me, and I'm still single,
but the playing field got a lot larger after that.
I am sure you're a fantastic person. You have your weaknesses; we all do. However, you also have your strengths. Right now, you're feeling pretty
down on yourself. That's normal for people in school. Even the most popular people, I found out recently, are really miserable and thinking there is
some major flaw with themselves. Usually the most popular people in school think they're worthless and they have to be just like the crowd. Some
learn otherwise after they get out, but others do not. On the surface, they appear to have the perfect lives, but inside, they're dead. You need to
focus on what you're good at, what your strengths are, and for now ignore your weaknesses. When you feel better about yourself and think you're da
man, that's when you can address your weaknesses and try to fix them. Right now the only weakness you need to focus on is the fact that you focus on
your weaknesses as others percieve them.
Like I said, chicks dig confidence. It's probably related to that whole hunter and gatherer thing. If you can display confidence, you won't need to
worry about finding relationships, they'll find you. Just focus on your strengths, and keep your eyes open.
Finally, you want to focus on what you know are your strengths. I would imagine that, since you're on this site (I can explain this reasoning if
anyone asks) you're a pretty intelligent fellow. Focus on that. Don't focus on what you think might be your strengths, you'll lose sight and start
to question yourself. Focus on what you know are your strengths. Your entire demeanor will change. You'll walk a little taller, you'll address
people with assertiveness, and people will notice. They'll think, "wow, sweatmonicaIdo really has it together. I should talk to him and find out
more about him".
Most people in this world are lacking in self confidence. I know I am. That's normal. When someone appears to really know their stuff and be sure of
themselves, people want to get to know that person, to find out what it is that makes them so great, even if it's in their own mind. There are
exceptions, of course, some people are arrogant little punks. But arrogance and self confidence are two different things. An arrogant person thinks
they're great and lets you know. A self confident person knows they're cool and lets their actions speak for them. Think back on your life, I'm
sure you've known self confident people. Haven't you wanted to get to know them, find out more about them, and shoot your ideas off of them? I know
I have. Women seem to adore that mentality. Someone who isn't arrogant, but they know they're them. They know who they are, and they don't have a
problem with that.
That's about all the advise I can give you. I've been learning that over the past 4 months, and it's been incredible. I have never felt better
about myself, and people see that. I know I have weakness, and I'm working on that now that I don't think I'm worse than the stuff my dog leaves on
the sidewalk. Yet I focus on who I am. Damn it, I like me, and you need to learn to like yourself. If you don't like you, why would you expect anyone
else to? You'll be focused on the negative, and say so, and as a result you'll bring other people's focus on your negative qualities instead of
your positive ones. When you do that, women will go out of their way to get to know you. You can just sit back and enjoy it.