How do you all get relationships???

Yes, it's a very stupid question. But when I wonder why I don't have any relationships, I realize that I have no idea how they begin.

So post, how do you all get your relationships???

Um...err...that is kind of a broad question.

When I was younger, I use to actually go looking for that 'other person', but as I aged I sort of just stopped bothering so much. The funny thing is that since that time, I end up being in relationships with people without trying or even realizing it sometimes. They actually engage me in the courting process.

I guess the only thing that I can figure is to just relax and be whoever you are regardless if you make a good impression on people. That is probably what makes us seem ackward (ie unattractive); that we are trying too hard and people can tell these things.

Go to a bar and read. Go to my topic for more. But trust me, women can not stay away! Curiosity baby, yeah!

Ya have to get off of ATS and go meet people You could meet someone at a Taco Bell, at church, or at school. Don't force it, but if you get the chance to talk to someone you find attractive the please do. At least smile. They might be interested, and they might not. The more often you smile and act friendly to those strange creatures, the better the odds of you finding one you're compatible with.

Personally, my wife and I were friends for 10 years, before we started seeing each other. Of course, when friends for that long, you can skip to the good stuff, hehe....

While I wouldn't recommend waiting 10 years, being friends first is great...

I've found it gets MUCH easier the older you get...

[edit on 7-6-2005 by Gazrok]

My advise would be not to look for it, Its one of these things that just happen, and sometimes it can take a while for it to happen lol

a few pointers.

Get out and meet people,
Be friendly and be yourself, It will happen but again sometimes it just takes meeting that right person, You will know when its there it just hits you lol

I hope you find it soon

Tough stuff...

I didn't realize how uninformed I was. This is all very new to me, believe it or not.

I was on the DC metro...

And she walks on from the platform....We both look into each other's eyes and BAM!! We didn't stop looking at each other the whole damn time....*sighs*

Never believed in that stuff until it actually happened...I mean - There's bam...and then there's BAM!!....

She was standing fairly close to me, but it was so crowded and I had to get off at the next stop....So like a dork, I just gave her a smile and a wave and she returned it....*heart meltage then proceeded*

Who knows what could have happened - But the point is, like everyone else has mentioned thus far...It was totally unexpected...

Maybe I'll met her again someday - You're not on ATS are you?!

I met my man at work. Trick to finding good ones(guys or girls) is to not try. Be yourself, dont worry about impressing people, or you will find that once you are in a relationship with them you cannot just relax.

Also, when you are spending time looking for a relationship you tend to come off more desparate, not a good thing. Once you are comfortable with yourself as single, the men/women (depending on your preference) wont be able to stay away!

---Pineapple

Originally posted by sweatmonicaIdo
Yes, it's a very stupid question. But when I wonder why I don't have any relationships, I realize that I have no idea how they begin.

So post, how do you all get your relationships???

If you're interested in this route.... How Liamie and I Met

I never dated through high school. Actually the one guy that I was really interested in was quite frankly not in the least interested in me.

And then one day, years later, as I was out with some friends, looking incredibly unattractive with my ripped jeans and laconia bike week t-shirt, I met the man that I've been with for the last three years.

So I guess my advice is: don't try so hard, when it's meant to happen, it will.

Originally posted by sweatmonicaIdo
Yes, it's a very stupid question. But when I wonder why I don't have any relationships, I realize that I have no idea how they begin.

So post, how do you all get your relationships???

By getting lucky................

These people do give good advice for being on a site like this.

Yeah.. listen to them.

I hope your young, because you sound young.. if you were not.. uh.. there is such a thing as too late. (That was a joke.)

Love'll find you in the strangest places.

I was up at bible camp and I noticed this one girl who was pretty hot and then she started talking to my friend (a girl, but we're just friends) and hanging out with her and then me, her, my bro, and my friend started hanging out together and doing stuff like playing truth or dare in the sauna. Then she started talking to me, and one thing led to another, and then one night we were watching a movie and holding hands.

And it was just last week too so I hope we work out well, but unfortunately she lives almost 100 miles away.

My only advise to you is to not do what I do. It ain't workin'

Well, I don't get around as much as I'd like to, but I also don't get used. The advice below will yield a lot of non-results and a lot of those really annoying "just friends" scenarios, but any relationships you get into by the following means will probably be good ones. What few women I've been with have always loved me and respected me, and two of them have been WAY out of my league.

1. Be a gentleman in situations where it isn't particularly expected or necessary (for example when you're with a group of friends which includes women), even with women you aren't particularly interested in. It's not a tactic, it's a habit and a matter of character. It's just little things. Open a door now and then, if you're in the car give them a bit of extra leg room, if you're gonna put on some music ask what they want to listen to, try not to be disgusting when you eat. For me this isn't even an effort. I was raised to act with class, and I don't reserve this for women I'm interested in. It pays off in a lot of ways- I'm the only member of the family who my brother can hang out with whenever he wants because my sister in law doesn't hate me.

2. Don't dumb yourself down or try to steer the conversation in the stereotypical relationship directions. Be yourself. Talk about things that you want to talk about. If you have common interests you'll have interesting conversations and there will be something there. (Also, great minds discuss ideas, mediocre minds discuss events, poor minds discuss people. One thing that has served me VERY well is that I can have an engaging conversations about my ideas and other people's as well.)

3. Especially when you're trying to get to know somebody, say a little more than is expected, don't give standard answers. When somebody asks how you're doing, and you answer with two letters (OK), what you're really saying is that you don't want to talk, or that you don't want to get to know them. Chat a bit with the people you deal with every day. In a given week, you talk to a dozen people and never even realize that you've talked to them. The gas station, the video store, Mc Donalds, the supermarket, the bank, etc. There are people who have to deal with you at all of these places, and on any given day, instead of just giving one word answers, you can choose to start a converation. They ask how you're doing, tell them, in a sentence or two, then ask them. (and don't complain. If you're not OK, find something positive to temper the truth with)

4. Don't assume. This rule has a thousand different applications and most of them are important. You don't assume who or what they are- you especially don't assume somebody is too good for you or won't be interested. Don't assume you know where things are going. Don't assume somebody is going to be a lover and not just a friend. People are what they are. Situations are what they are. The future is what it is. You want to find these things out, not make assumptions about them.

And the bonus tip, number 5. Once you know somebody and have the beginnings of a relationship, moving things along doesn't necessarily just happen, and can't necessarily be forced either. Getting serious, going long term, getting physical- in all of these things taking chances is necessary but pushing is dangerous. This is closely connected with the "don't assume" rule.

I'm 16...I had 2 girlfriends (not at the same time) 3 years ago. Now honestly I don't care and I just sit here and wait and don't pay attention to it.

I mess up too much with girls :bnghd:

First off, thanks everybody for the advice.

The thing is, I am not trying too hard. I have never tried to hard, in fact, I don't think I've ever tried at all.

Given that, nothing has ever happened. Nothing. No awkward encounters, no funny looks, few embarressing moments. Nothing. Yes, I'm 19, I'm still young, but if something is of non-occurance in one's lifetime, the likelihood of it happening diminishes.

Does anybody have any advice for losers like myself?

It'll just happen. Dont be interested when you meet the 'one'. Though God made sure thats nigh on impossible! When you pretend not to be interested but you know you are making a big fuss.....its love my friend!

I have to disagree with the idea that it just happens. If you never meet anyone, how are you going to meet "the one"?

Like I said, you have to make a habit of talking to the people you run into on a daily basis. I haven't got much of a social life- I don't particularly like my coworkers and there aren't many women in my industry anyway. I do clubs, I don't dance, and I don't particularly enjoy just hanging around with a bunch of people i hardly know.
The only way I meet people at all is that there are people everywhere I go who for on reason or another have to talk to me, and I chit-chat with them. You get friendly, get to know eachother casually, then if you're interested it's not such a huge step to ask if they want to do something.