posted on Jul, 12 2005 @ 11:03 PM
Well, I don't get around as much as I'd like to, but I also don't get used. The advice below will yield a lot of non-results and a lot of those
really annoying "just friends" scenarios, but any relationships you get into by the following means will probably be good ones. What few women I've
been with have always loved me and respected me, and two of them have been WAY out of my league.
1. Be a gentleman in situations where it isn't particularly expected or necessary (for example when you're with a group of friends which includes
women), even with women you aren't particularly interested in. It's not a tactic, it's a habit and a matter of character. It's just little things.
Open a door now and then, if you're in the car give them a bit of extra leg room, if you're gonna put on some music ask what they want to listen to,
try not to be disgusting when you eat. For me this isn't even an effort. I was raised to act with class, and I don't reserve this for women I'm
interested in. It pays off in a lot of ways- I'm the only member of the family who my brother can hang out with whenever he wants because my sister
in law doesn't hate me.
2. Don't dumb yourself down or try to steer the conversation in the stereotypical relationship directions. Be yourself. Talk about things that you
want to talk about. If you have common interests you'll have interesting conversations and there will be something there. (Also, great minds discuss
ideas, mediocre minds discuss events, poor minds discuss people. One thing that has served me VERY well is that I can have an engaging conversations
about my ideas and other people's as well.)
3. Especially when you're trying to get to know somebody, say a little more than is expected, don't give standard answers. When somebody asks how
you're doing, and you answer with two letters (OK), what you're really saying is that you don't want to talk, or that you don't want to get to
know them. Chat a bit with the people you deal with every day. In a given week, you talk to a dozen people and never even realize that you've talked
to them. The gas station, the video store, Mc Donalds, the supermarket, the bank, etc. There are people who have to deal with you at all of these
places, and on any given day, instead of just giving one word answers, you can choose to start a converation. They ask how you're doing, tell them,
in a sentence or two, then ask them. (and don't complain. If you're not OK, find something positive to temper the truth with)
4. Don't assume. This rule has a thousand different applications and most of them are important. You don't assume who or what they are- you
especially don't assume somebody is too good for you or won't be interested. Don't assume you know where things are going. Don't assume somebody
is going to be a lover and not just a friend. People are what they are. Situations are what they are. The future is what it is. You want to find these
things out, not make assumptions about them.
And the bonus tip, number 5. Once you know somebody and have the beginnings of a relationship, moving things along doesn't necessarily just happen,
and can't necessarily be forced either. Getting serious, going long term, getting physical- in all of these things taking chances is necessary but
pushing is dangerous. This is closely connected with the "don't assume" rule.