MARRIAGE

With all the debate about same-sex marriages, perhaps it is time to discuss the institution of marriage itself. Webster's dictionary defines marriage as the institution whereby men and women are joined in a special kind of social and legal dependence for the purpose of founding and maintaining a family. Some would argue that the family is a microcosm of society and further that as the family goes so will the society go. Hence, the breakup of the family may cause the breakup of society. The question that remains, however, is if marriage is still necessarily the best institution to found a family. We are constantly reminded that the divorce rate is approximately fifty percent in the United States or that one of every two couples get divorced or you have a fifty-fifty chance of staying in the same marriage. Of the remaining fifty percent of couples who are married, only ten percent admit to being happy with the relationship. Any statistician in the world would say that numbers of these kind would indicate that something is seriously wrong with the institution of marriage. Countless children experience the fallout of a bad marriage but at the same time use that experience as their only guide. People in our society receive the same amount of training about human relationships as they do about child rearing. Therefore it is little wonder that even though most people enter into a relationship with the best of intentions they flounder at communication and understanding. It is not good enough to expect that one can only learn about relationships from their family, friends and co-workers; one must be willing to educate themselves in philosophy, psychology, sociology, spirituality and economics. Another institution in our society, education, is supposed to help foster the growth and development of the individual and family but yet the current public school curriculum does not serve this end. Marriage in the United States today has become an institutional burden to relationships much like religion has become an institutional burden to spirituality. Too much focus is given to adhering to rules and regulations and not enough to fostering loving relationships. Consequently, cohabitating appears to be the natural evolutionary result of the breakdown of the marriage institution. Still, as with marriage, the legally binding requirement is that the children must be provided for. If we are not careful to begin again the conscious effort to cultivate a more serious approach to human relationships, marriage as an institution will cease to be taken seriously and ultimately fade away.

The bigger question is why is this happening in the first place. Marriage wont work if people refuse to invest the time energy, and forgiveness , needed to make it go. And why would same sex partners do any better. Are there any staqts showing that they fair better? The children, are always the loosers here, and cant be expected to do much better in there lives.

Marriage provides a constructive & needed stability for raising a child and is a emotionally beneficial pact between 2 people who vow their love and devotion solely to each other. This is, however, only true if both people's hearts and minds are in it 100%. If not, it is just as equally destructive of an institution for everybody involved. A good marriage provides the foundation a child needs to form his/her own relationships. Like it or not, we all recreate what we learned from our parents, in one way or another, in our adult relationships. I think the reason so many people are screwed up emotionally is that they don't understand or like, let alone love, themselves before they jump into marriage and parenthood. Everyone is so afraid of not finding the right one, that they marry anyone. Then a resentment begins to build as they start to change and realize they are not who they thought they were. They start to follow different paths and the fork in the road leads further and further apart. They start to feel like they don't mean anything to the other so they start reverting to childish mind games that further damage their relationship, not to mention the personal mental damage they incur. If they do divorce, they tend to carry this pain and distrust into their next relationships, thus causing the cycle to repeat itself. Eventually we wind up with the mess we have now. A bunch of game playing, distrustful, and selfish men and women, who don't have a clue about how to interact, communicate, or love anybody. If a child is unfortunate enough to be in the middle, then they carry these examples with them also, starting the whole cycle over again in their own relationships. Now I realize that this is not always the case, but in my own personal experience and from what I have observed in my friend's and family's relationships, it is a lot more common than not. We take each other for granted so quickly and easily, without any concern for the other people we are hurting. If both people in the relationship can give themselves, heart and soul, to the other, then they can each stop thinking about themselves first and rest assured that their partner is ONLY going to act in their best interest. This takes an incredible amount of level headedness and maturity, as well as trust. Putting someone else before yourself is a lost ideal, but it's also the most noble act one can do for another. If one can find somebody they can trust in this way, rare though it may be, it is the most free and rewarding feeling one can experience. The setting aside of one's ego for the benefit of others creates the environment needed for happy, well adjusted children and happiness and satisfaction for the couple.

A miserable relationship together is worse for everyone than learning to live separate but, hopefully, happier lives apart. Marriage is a wonderful thing if the love is true. If not, it's a mockery of something that should be held sacred. I have no desire to abolish marriage as an institution, but I think that it should cease to be a legal issue but rather a personal one. If a person wants to marry it should be like the old days. The state should document it for historical purposes but the couple should be held accountable for their actions by themselves alone and not by a court or government. If they cannot maintain a relationship then they should determine the best way to deal with it as adults. The state is not responsible for making decisions that we, as grown-ups should be able to make on our own.
The only reason an outside influence should become involved, is in cases of abuse, mental or physical, against anyone in the family, especially the kids. Love is the most powerful force in our lives. It can either make us great and it can destroy us utterly, and no one has the right to tell anyone else who they may or may not love. To deny any person's right to celebrate their love, is in my opinion, the most immoral and hateful thing a human could do to another.

This is, however, all just my opinion