posted on Aug, 24 2005 @ 12:53 PM
OK - I'm new to this, so please forgive if i don't do things just right the first time.
I'm not going to try and tell anyone what to think or do - or how to do it.
I just wanted to share my feelings on this.
I'm 100% gay - and I am SO tired of being told I "chose" to be like I am - I tried my DANGEST to fit in my whole life - If I could have chosen
which way I wanted to be - let's see - it would have gone a little something like this: "hey - I'm still a kid, but i'm starting to feel puberty
coming on, so I guess I have to pick one sex to be attracted to for the rest of my life - well, since everyone else I know is attracted to members of
the opposite sex, I guess I'll go that way too - then I'll be fitting in and considered "normal" by all my friends". BAM! Choice made - yay, I'm
straight, thank you for my certificate of straightness - whew! thank GOD I didn't make the wrong choice, that could have been embarassing!
Is that how it worked for ANY of you?
As I see it - from what I've read on these boards, apparently I DO have a choice - and to chose, one must have options
For me, because I CANNOT imagine myself being "intimate" with a woman AT ALL! (no offence ladies, but those "parts" are disgusting to me), these
are the options I have available to me accoriding to the people that just plain don't like homosexuality.
1. Choose to pretend to be straight, find a woman that I can trick into marrying me so I can have a wife, make children, pretend to be straight for
EVERYONE ELSE'S benefit and just HOPE that I don't feel HORRIBLY guilty for the rest of my life for lying to this woman, lying to my kids, lying to
myself and everyone I know, every day, 24 hours a day untill the end of time.
2. Choose to be alone for the rest of my life and die a miserable, bitter old man that never got to know love.
OK - those are my choices, according to the good folks over at the Holier Than Thou Foundation.
Which would you choose? - You have to pick ONE. - Can't make up another one - Live a gut-wrenching lie, or live and DIE ALONE -
I don't want either of those choices for THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!
I do know that the 10 commandments tell me not to lie - but I don't remember them telling me I had to die alone. I never have and never could Lie
enough to a woman to trick her like that JUST so I could "fit in" to the mold the world expects of me. Never went on a date, never "chased tail",
never had ANY sexual encounters till I was 28, and never lied about being a virgin - I WOULD lie when someone would say "You're STILL A
VIRGIN?!?!?!!??!??!?!??!! WHY, ARE YOU GAY?" I would say "NO!" - That is a lie I wish I didn't feel like I HAD to tell to people back then.
If it is a "choice" Please tell me what my options should have been - because I do not know what happens after our bodies cease to function on this
planet, it seems to me it would be a shame to waste this life being all alone if this is the only shot we get at happiness. Since NONE of us know for
sure what happens when we die, we'd all better make the best of what we have now.
As for my Morality - I met a nice guy when I was 28 - we've been together for 4 years now, he's the only person I've EVER "bumped uglies" with -
and I hope we're together for the rest of our lives - - And we keep it to ourselves - we walk FAR apart from each other when we go the grocery store
or Wal-mart - we feel like we have to hide from everyone when we go out - he won't even sit next to me in the truck so I can put my arm around him,
just because he's afraid that someone will see it and do something to hurt us. We do everything other couples do, but because of the stigma put on
our kind of relationship, it is a VERY strained relationship that can only exist in the privacy of our home - Now tell me I'm pushing my "adgenda"
on someone - when It's OK for a straight couple to walk around holding hands and kiss in public, but I can't even think about being free and showing
my affection for the one I love just because some people think it's "icky" - Besides, even if it were 'acceptable', I think displays of affection
should be kept in the home, but since when has holding someone's hand really hurt anyone else?
I hope I have not offended anyone - I don't want to fight or argue - I just want to know why I have to feel so HATED and so ASHAMED of who I
NATURALLY am - and WHY I have to live life wishing I could either magically turn straight or just go on and die so it would all be over with.