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The Prize

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posted on May, 19 2005 @ 11:46 AM
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My name is Tree.

I am the king of all the tribes.

This blubbering idiot before me was the last hold out. Him and his two sons will be the entertainment for the feast tonight, celebrating his tribes defeat. They are drug off to the side to await their fate.

His Daughter is the prize. We will become one at the end of the feast and our union will unite the two tribes.She is very beautiful, with long blonde hair and soft creamy skin. Unlike her cowardly father and brothers she looks me in the eye. She is still defiant. I like that. My wives take her off to prepare her for the Feast.

First comes lots of drink and the young women dance to the flutes and drums. The dance to show how much they admire our young warriors, and to show off for future husbands....lol Their movements and the drums pound to the beat of our hearts growing faster and faster till it suddenly stops.

Next is more drink and our young warriors are up. They dance to show their prowess in battle, reenacting the battle that smashed the warriors of those chained before me. They slam their spears and axes against their shields in time with the drums and the two lines of warriors slam against each other in mock battle.

Next up its show time for two of our guests. The two sons are lead off to the center of the arena and armed with spear,Axe and shield. My sons come out armed the same. The battle is short as my battle tested sons slaughter the two soft offspring of my enemy. Their bodies are fed to a pen full of pigs.

Next up is the blubbering idiot. His name is Bison and the name fits. He if fat and stupid and dared to stand up to me. He beheaded the two diplomats I sent to him and sent their heads back to me.He is taken out and tied to a post in the middle of the arena. The mothers and wives of those who died in the battle go out to take their revenge. His death is slow and loud. He also is fed to the pigs.

Now at last my prize.

She has been prepared and is being carried on poles on the shoulders of my priests.

The blonde hairs has been burned off of course but she is cooked to perfection. I carve off the first piece and eat it. The tribe roars its approval and line up for a piece themselves. My priests carve her up quickly and our tribes merge.

The pigs will be sent to the lesser tribes where they will be eaten too.

We are all one now.

And I am the king




posted on May, 19 2005 @ 02:15 PM
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wow, the ending totally caught me off guard

well written, outstanding story Amuk, you have a very unique way of making the gruesome an enjoyable read. Have ever considered writing some paranormal horror stuff? with your side interest, I think you might have some great ideas.



posted on May, 19 2005 @ 07:31 PM
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Originally posted by worldwatcher
wow, the ending totally caught me off guard



Thanks WW.

I was afraid I had given it away a couple times


I have always loved stories where you are going one way and all of a sudden you are going another, the "Others" is a prime example. I guess it comes from reading too many EC comics back when I was a kid.

I have several short stories I would like to polish up and try to publish, most are kinda like these.



posted on May, 19 2005 @ 11:01 PM
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I was kinda hoping for more feedback on this one.

It came to me in a dream kinda.



posted on May, 20 2005 @ 10:22 AM
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Interesting. Of note, it makes me recall that many tribes would, some what similarly, kill their own king every few years, bury them in (usually horse) skin, exhume it aftera time, sometimes feed the corpse, and usually eating it.

Tho you have made it an actual livestock animal in this case. I think this story "resonates" and appeals because it strikes a chord with whatever impulses were making those old tribes do the above, but here its a more civilized version, in as such as its a story, and only seems like cannibalism at first. Intruiging.



posted on May, 20 2005 @ 10:46 AM
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Amuk--enjoyed your short. It reminded me of the books of Robert E. Howard, who committed suicide in the 1930's. He brought Conan to life and wrote excellant barbaric tales of the times long long ago. Good Job.



posted on May, 20 2005 @ 11:54 AM
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Originally posted by Nygdan
Tho you have made it an actual livestock animal in this case. I think this story "resonates" and appeals because it strikes a chord with whatever impulses were making those old tribes do the above, but here its a more civilized version, in as such as its a story, and only seems like cannibalism at first. Intruiging.


It was cannibalism. The Chiefs daughter WAS the feast.

I tried to lead people to believe she was to be his bride and then blindsided them with her being the "feast"

Did any one catch the Tree/Bush joke?

Also the enemy king had 2 sons that were slain? I meant to add in a part about him being found hiding in a hole but forgot to put it in.

And no I wasnt making a political statement just a joke



posted on May, 21 2005 @ 05:04 PM
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We will become one at the end of the feast and our union will unite the two tribes.


Are you making a Street Fighter joke here?!

I love surprise endings, there's just something about being lead down a path, expecting, and then thrown off a plane that not only takes great skill to be done properly (especially since you know beforehand) but is really enthralling.

I guess what really needs to be asked is what kind of dreams are ya having big guy? I mean, I might dream about eating the pigs, but (literally) eating a gorgeous blonde, well, not my cup o' tea.


I prefer red heads.



posted on May, 21 2005 @ 06:29 PM
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Originally posted by Amuk

Originally posted by Nygdan
Tho you have made it an actual livestock animal in this case. I think this story "resonates" and appeals because it strikes a chord with whatever impulses were making those old tribes do the above, but here its a more civilized version, in as such as its a story, and only seems like cannibalism at first. Intruiging.


It was cannibalism. The Chiefs daughter WAS the feast.

Oh, my mistake, I thought that the bit about the pigs was meant to be 'ha, see, it wasn't about people' or some such.

Refering to a pig as the bride thou would be rather strange!



posted on May, 21 2005 @ 06:55 PM
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Originally posted by Amorymeltzer

I guess what really needs to be asked is what kind of dreams are ya having big guy?


Its funny I dont remember the dream exactly but I woke up with the story from start to finish in my head.

Maybe its the Meds I am on



posted on May, 22 2005 @ 04:07 PM
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Dreams can be an intersting source of stuff to write about. The unconcsious mind 'thinks' pretty strangely, and in dreams it doesn't seem to be as hindered by the rational thinking portions of man's brain. I recall once having a dream about bullfighters, dusty villages, and something like the hydra, that was very bizzare. Don't think I'd've come up with it normally. You should definitly keep it up, should prove intersting.

Especially if there's medication involved!!



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