An Inspector Calls (updated)

My apologies to J.B.Preistly.I couldn't resist.

Cast:

The Inspector-Played by Lord Hutton(Looking remarkably like Alastair Sim)

Eva Smith-Played by Dr Kelly.

Sheila Birling-Played by Geoff Hoon.

Mr Birling-Played by Tony Blair.

Mrs Birling-Played by Andrew Gilligan

Eric Birling-Played by Alastair Campbell.

Open scene.Knock on the door of the Birling home.It's the Inspector.

Inspector-I'd Just like to ask a few questions if I may.

Mr Birling-I'd like to answer your questions but I'm waiting on the results of an inquiry and I've got to catch a plane to Barbados soon.

Inspector-I won't take up much of your time.

Birling Family are gathered in the Drawing Room.
Inspector shows Sheila Birling a photograph.

Inspector-Miss Birling do you recognise this person.

Miss Birling-Didn't he work at the shop in Portam Down?

Inspector-That's right.You used to get you imformation from there.

Miss Birling-What of it?

Inspector-He's dead.He committed suicide.You gave his name to the media.It was too much pressure.

Mr Birling-Well that's not her fault.He was probably deranged.Why have you intruded tonight?

Inspector shows Mr Birling the Photograph.

Inspector-Do you recognise this person.

Mr Birling-I'm not at liberty to say.

Inspector-Do you not remember?You used him to divert attention from the problems you faced about not finding any proof to justify your war.

Mrs Birling-I don't see what this has to do with me.

Inspector shows Photograph to Mrs Birling.

Inspector-Did you not have a private and secret liason with him?

Mr Birling is shaken by this as any husband would be.

Mrs Birling-I...I met him.That's true.

Inspector-And did you quote him correctly?

Mrs Birling-I understood what was written between the lines.But........

Eric Birling-I think it's absolutely rotten that you should that you should come here Inspector and accuse us honourable Birlings.

Inspector shows Eric Birling the Photograph.

Inspector-Ahh.Young master Birling didn't you screw him?

The Inspector is shown to the Library while the family are left to discuss the matter.Mr Birling phones to confirm that Eva Smith is indeed dead.There is no reported death.

Mr Birling-You see it's all a lie.We have done anything wrong.We were just doing our jobs.

The telephone rings.It seems a body has just been found.The family all stare at each other.
Mr Birling opens the Library door to find the room empty.An empty rocking chair is still gently rocking.

Again they look at each other.

Eric Birling-Well I don't know about you lot but that has certainly put me off dinner tonight.

Mr Birling-Me too.I was looking forward to the Lobster thermador too.

Curtain closes.

An inspired "take" on the Priestley modern classic, J-B and very incisive: congratulations.

We now await a similarly inspired "Of Mice and Men" with Bush and Blair: "Tell me about the weapons, George".