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Originally posted by Dan Rather
This just in, the new Pope has been revealed to be a son of satan, brother to GWB, cousin to Cheney, and is claiming what Bush did to be holy! Well, wiping out the republicans, yeah, I can see that as being holy. Wait, they were evil, went to hell, their faja now has million more soldiers!
Secret documents found that Bush caused 9/11 so he could destroy the Middle East and rename it Haliburton for his boss, Dick Cheney. But then the people spoke out against it he figured he would cause the "rapture" to happen his way! Amazing!
"After the religon bill was passed all the Hindus, Atheists, Buddists, Wiccans, Jews, and Pebble People came out of hiding knowing that the christians wouldn't kill them in the very spot they stood," Murry Montol, head of the ACLU, stated. Unknown Wiccanswho, like Colin Powell, support freedom of religion, have noted that that wasn't the case before the bill was passed, and fail to see the correlation. Ted Kennedy applauded the government for allowing him to come out of the closet.
Reality News is proud to say Fox News has been "bought out" according to John Kerry, who had the military surround the Fox News headquarters and execute workers until it was finally handed over for what the government was asking, $42. When asked why such a low price, Barbara Boxer said, "Well, George Bush must have seen this revolution coming. As a result, he rigged the economy to go down the toilet shortly after Emperors Kerry and Kennedy came into power and we can no longer afford to pay more. Now the top three shows of Fox will be aired on Reality News during Freedom Hour. "The Other Side", hosted by Jungle Man Jake, the infamous hacker turned Pulitzer Prize winning Journalist, being the most popular from Fox News will get the 8pm spot. This show deals mainly with helping Ted Kennedy along with his admission mentioned earlier in this article. "The Corrupt Zone" hosted by the actor who played Chewbaca at 8:30pm spot. This show focuses exclusivly on how corrupt the Republicans were before sanity prevailed and the new leadership of Tekerria had them all thrown into prison camps. Light humor follows during the credits where Republicans being tortured and executed in the camps is played. And now replacing the 9pm slot of "Common Sense" will be "The Truth in History" which goes over a revisionist history of politicians who disagreed with Ted Kennedy and John Kerry, the highest rating show was that on the Bush family revealing the father son relationship between Satan and Bush Jr. Bush Sr. response to finding out his wife cheated on him with Satan was inspiring, almost as inspiring as Hillary Clintons when she found out her husband had gotten BJs from a secretary. The show is an animated cartoon which proports to be exclusive footage. And now the #1 show on tv today, "Common Sense" hosted by the best #3 around James will be shown at 10pm. [This was added in to keep James the Lesser from exposing the drastic changes made to his article. He refused the deal, however, much to his credit.]
Don't miss the puplic torture of Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh! After the incredibly partronizing farce called a trial "proving" they had links with the Bush/Satan administration (as was made known to the public via the cartoon "exclusive" film) and had tried to hack into the Reality News Live Feed to spew forth propaganda for Satan/Bush despite his already having been executed by the Democrats(, but they weren't as good as the Pulitzer Prize winning Jungle Man Jake, who is currently being sued by JJNN for trademark infringement.
Later tonight at the 12 spot will be Bill Gates on what he plans to do with Apple, MSCNN, and the other 17 companies he "bought" after he helped fabricate some computer files used in the case to execute Bush. Tekerria is a great nation, 50 states in one country, not 50 countries seperate from each other, the way us Democrats wanted it all along.
Current update! The abortion bill has been over turned 8-1 by the Supreme Court. All eight justices mysterously committed suicide and were replaced by 5 democrat judges and 3 democrat judges. Members of the English government say the bill wasn't passed due to the side parts, like item 2.9/0.5 which included a raise of minimum wage and item 9.4A section 5I which made put a limit on price of gasoline at $1.10 since it costs less then a dollar to make a gallon of gas, but was rather passed because Tekerria seems to have adopted a culture of death. Many Democrats as the citizens are now called were worried about executing everyone who was a registered Republican, so to make them more comfortable with executing political criminals they're forcing every mother to kill an innocent life until they get used to it.
In other news Nasa has announced that they have found extraterestrial life. The Gov't denies these claims as they say the source is biased against them. Nasa retaliates saying that "you are the ones who fund us, and your sheer brilliant comments prove that you are as dumb as a chimp"
George Bush had this to say about the chimp remark.
"I have not had sexual relations with a chimp... all chimps are terrorists... and if you ever see me with a chimp I will deny it."