Collab Fiction: Faux News Stories

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posted on May, 18 2005 @ 01:40 PM
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Since JJ made fox news on here, I guess I will to. I mean, nothing more fun then making up fox news.(I use fox instead of fake, for they are the same thing, Fox sued to make it legal to lie and call it news, then fired reporters who wouldn't lie)

This Week there will be Justice Sunday 2, Long Live God/GOP/Bush.


Monday after....

In less then 24 hours the republicans have killed over 3 million blacks, 1 million gays, .5 million jews, and are now moving north into the Great Lakes area. Under orders from Bush, the National Guards of any state is to stand down and let the slaughters happen. Babies, pregnant women, old folks, all dead and laying in the streets. God help us all, and I do mean god, not Bush.

later that week....

The GOP is going to hold a convention in Texas, inviting all GOP/Republicans to it. This after over 10 million smart people were killed, I mean democrats. All democrats/gays/women who are more then baby factories/jews/blacks/asians/anyone with a brain should leave the Slave States, I mean south as soon as possible.

That sunday....

With almost 98% of the democrats/gays/women who are more then baby factories/jews/blacks/asians/anyone with a brain out of Texas/slave states/south the GOP/Republicans are meeting in Texas. Over 39million are there and more coming as Bush&Co show up. More republican senators are showing up, with the SC judges who are republican, along with republican mayprs/govenors. All republicans except Ah-Nold, John McCain, and Colin Powell will be in one city. Apparently the ones who aren't owned by big business weren't invited.

That night.....

OMG! A nuke has just been detonated! Bush doing the Hitler salute going on about the rapture and how he has brought it ends with a nuke going off. The over 47million people are vaporized in seconds! I can't believe this happened! Signing off for Reality News, Goodnight and god help us all. And again I mean god, not Bush. Well, he is dead, so IDK.

100 days later

The first 100 days after the extinction of corruption, I mean the GOP, the democrats and Libertarians have taken control with President Colin Powell and VP Hillary CLinton leading the way. In the first 100 days the economy has gone up over 900% from where Bush&Co left it. Unemployment is gone, 0%. Advancements in science has tripled due to not being bombed by republican nut job christians and from funding taken out of the war for oil and into helping the people. Cancer has been cured, AIDS is gone with a $5 shot, diabetes gone, everything bad is gone. The deficit is gone, Iraq is free, the ME has stabilized after Israel was allowed to fight back against the terrorists leading to the fall of Syria, Lebanon, Jordan, and Saudi Arabia. The average amount a person makes a year is over 150,000 dollars, the least is over 40,000. The religons are taxed due to the influence they have on government as we all know after what the GOP/christians did in Texas. Canada has joined us to make us the Largest country in the world and most peaceful. With the troops at home they are able to defend our borders as they were suppose to be. Finally, the newest WhiteHouse website is www.abovetopsecret.com/forum.

There, if JJ can make up fox news, so can I. Except I am telling you it is fox news, which you can tell cause it doesn't give Bush&Co a hand job every 5 words and it is good news.

[edit title]

[edit on 5-20-2005 by worldwatcher]




posted on May, 18 2005 @ 01:47 PM
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Dang, sorry James. It's actually being reported as we speak that the Republicans were framed for this by Kennedy, Chirac and Bin Laden who have formed an aliance of "my enemy's enemy is my enemy". Ted Kennedy actually is responsable for all the murders through his drunk driving while he got Jessy Jackson to blame the Republicans for causing this by the Republicans freeing the slaves.. Bin Laden killed the 10 million "smart" people while they were acting as a human shield protecting Saddam from the US military, and Chirac helped falsify the economic numbers presented after the first 100 days so it looks like comunism works.

This is a bummer of a scandal. Sorry to break this bad news to you, but your hero Ted is, in fact, misleading you.



posted on May, 19 2005 @ 02:44 PM
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Ted is my hero? New one to me.... Hilary is my hero, if only she could beat Yoda in a beauty contest....

In other news....

Amazing! Secret documents found that Bush caused 9/11 so he could destroy the Middle East and rename it Haliburton for his boss, Dick Cheney. But then the people spoke out against it he figured he would cause the "rapture" to happen his way! Amazing!

This just in, the new Pope has been revealed to be a son of satan, brother to GWB, cousin to Cheney, and is claiming what Bush did to be holy! Well, wiping out the republicans, yeah, I can see that as being holy. Wait, they were evil, went to hell, their faja now has million more soldiers!

OMG! Just seconds ago Fox News came out and said they were sorry for supporting satan and that the mouthpiece JJ has been fired after not telling the truth and spreading more GOP lies. Murdoch says in a public apology he didn't want to do it but the Bush family had his family held hostage and would kill them if he didn't lie/support the GOP.

[edit on 19-5-2005 by James the Lesser]



posted on May, 19 2005 @ 02:56 PM
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NORTHBROOK, IL (AP) Dan Rather, who was accused of reporting a story using falsified documents as his source, was recently hired by the New York Times due to their policy of encouraging this kind of reporting. However, the blogsphere has struck back in force. Rather, whose most recent article had, he claimed, credible evidence backing it up, has been attacked by many bloggers for his questionable source. Rather reported:


Originally posted by Dan Rather
This just in, the new Pope has been revealed to be a son of satan, brother to GWB, cousin to Cheney, and is claiming what Bush did to be holy! Well, wiping out the republicans, yeah, I can see that as being holy. Wait, they were evil, went to hell, their faja now has million more soldiers!


However, this information, as has been exposed by the blog Little Green Footballs (LFG), came from a letter written to him in crayon and signed: "Mr. Pope". LFG claims the letter actually came from Victoria Johnson, an angst filled 13 year old PETA advocate. If this turns out to be true, it will be another mark against Rather for bias in reporting.

The New York Times, after getting word of the accusations against Rather, came out with a statement. The statement says, in general, that if the accusations are proven true, Dan Rather will be removed as a reporter and made an editor. The New York Times went on to say that this kind of reporting, when done against the Bush family and Christianity, is encouraged and required of their reporters. The fact that Rather took a crayon written note from the Pope and ran with it shows that he is really looking to our mission statement in writing his articles.

Rather has also run with stories such as this one:

Secret documents found that Bush caused 9/11 so he could destroy the Middle East and rename it Haliburton for his boss, Dick Cheney. But then the people spoke out against it he figured he would cause the "rapture" to happen his way! Amazing!

When asked for his source and a copy of the documents, he refused stating freedom of the press as his defense.

The Pope was unavailable for comment in regards to the letter. Mr. Cheney only commented to say he was, in fact, Bush's boss, but denied accusations of establishing the United Oil States Of Haliburton.



posted on May, 19 2005 @ 03:51 PM
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The President of Haliburton and three CEOs have resigned their positions due to guilt. When asked what brought this change of action a CEO answered "All those people we helped Bush&Co kill are in heaven, and if I give away all my money and cure everyone of every disease I hope god will accept me after supporting Bush&Co."

Dan Rather says his documents came by US Postal Services, the document was fingerprinted and the only fingerprints besides Mr. Rathers were Karl Rove's.

Tonight at 9 interview with Satan on his childrens actions. Here is a clip from it.

"I am so proud of him, after all the drugs he used, the drinking, he turned himself around and stole the election twice! He has killed so many people, it's enough to make any father proud. George my boy, I was worried you wouldn't live up to your older brother's name, but you keep this up, Hitler will be in trouble of losing the Favorite Son position."

When asked if he had daughters, he answered. "Of course I do, who do you think fathered Ann Coulter? No human could have, trust me. After spending 3 million years on the toilet I shat out something that evil. I was so proud of her. She is even more evil then her older sister Condi. I don't know where the hell she gets her teeth from, wasn't from me that's for sure. And that hair, Condi honey, why don't you choose a new hair style? Cleopatra would be appalled if she saw you like that."

Fox News says they don't know how JJ hacked into the live feed and are looking into it. Fox News, now that they are no longer under the thumb of the GOP, have dedicated themselves to telling the truth now that they won't be killed for it, and in a public statement have said anything "reported" by JJ is not supported by them or any other news source.

Pulitzer Prize for Reporting is up for debate, Dan Rather is up for it after the GOP sent him two documents that were the truth, but then they said they were false. James is up for it after his live coverage of the "rapture" of Bush. And JJ is up for it due to his dedication to the news, no matter how corrupt/republican/wrong it is. In a Press Conference the Leader of the Pulitzer Committee had this to say.

"It is amazing, all evidence, facts, reality points to the truth, but he still dedicates himself to the GOP. You have wishy washy reporters out there like Peter or Spencer, but this man doesn't go anyway the wind blows, he is anchored in the GOP. So even if it is corrupt/wrong/republican, it is his dedication to it that makes him a great candidate in my eyes."



posted on May, 19 2005 @ 05:51 PM
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Breaking news...


The Bush Administration has finally come to terms with their lies and deceit. They are in the process of a live address to the nation stating that they were in fact the perpetrators of 9/11. They also are guilty of carrying out an illegal war in iraq... which sole purpose was to kill innocent civilians.. and build a pipeline from the caspian sea through afghanistan down to iran.

In a rare move, George Herbert Walker Bush (Geroge Sr.) took the stand and admitted he was the perpetrator of the JFK assassination. He admits his guild and hopes that the american people will forgive him for his sins. He also states that he is ready to receive the death penalty for plotting the assassination of a president.

During the finale of the speeches the entire Bush regime steps down and goes to jail indefinetly. They lose their entire empire. The people form a new government where freedom actually reigns and corruption ceases to exist.

There is no more terrorism as the terrorists are now the ones behind bars. Say hello to independence, freedom, peace, and love... and say goodbye to death, chaos, fear, and propaganda.

Long live the people... the freedom and peace on planet earth!!



posted on May, 20 2005 @ 02:05 AM
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This just in, the new government has it's first scandal! The new President, Skeptic Overlord says he ordered his coffee with 2 sugars and one cream, yet only recieved 1 sugar and no cream. In response to this attack on the newly elected president the Press Secretary WorldWatcher had this to say. "The person behind this act of terrorism will be brought to justice!"

In other news, Reality News(my network) are number one most watched news channel the 3rd month in a row, with Fox News in second now that they are telling the truth, and CNN falls in third even after Ted Turner bought out MSNBC and made is MSCNN. Most watched programs are "Common Sense" hosted by me, James, followed by "BS Are US" hosted by Penn and Tellar, and for Fox "The Other Side" hosted by Pulitzer Prize winner Jungle Jake. After admitting to hacking Fox News they hired him to set up blocks so no one else could, then hired him as an anchor and given his own show, "The Other Side" airing at 8pm Eastern7pm Central.

Updated just now, we have declared war on Canada? Wait, no, this new regime is corrupt! Vice President Intrepid is actually Canadian and is so angry over the Toronto Maple Leafs inability to win the Stanely Cup from the Detroit Red Wings that he has master minded a plan to get the US to firebomb Toronto! He committed this act of terrorism on our own president so Skeptic would have an excuse to invade Canada for great beer! While taking out Toronto and the TML!!! NO!!!!! It's Vietnam/Iraq2 all over again!

I can't believe it, Pulitzer Prize winning Journalist Jungle Jake, what is your take on this corruption on the supposedly uncorrupt regime? Maybe the NWO is real......



posted on May, 20 2005 @ 04:18 PM
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Just hours after a revolution rocked the United States causing the entire government to fall and a new one claiming to be focused on freedom and being totally uncorrupt, had its first scandal.

The new state run media outlet, Reality News, has been accused by other nations for blatently lying to the budding nations public blatantly. The new nation, known as Tekerria, was named after its two co-rulers, Ted Kennedy and John Kerry. However, when news of the government takeover came out, several people who defined themselves as republicans cried out conspiracy. The complaints stopped about 2 hours after they began. None of the protesters have been found for a comment.

Shortly after the protesters stopped protesting, state run television, Reality News, came out refering to John Kerry as SkepticOverlord and Kennedy as Intrepid. When asked about this by the new head of the UN, Tony Blair, Kennedy and Kerry both denied taking on those pseudonyms and denied any influence over the state controlled media.

At the behedst of Blair, an independant investigation into the closed door confession of George Bush jr. and sr. to Kennedy and Kerry before they locked them away is beginning. Some information has leaked that the video presented to the people formerly known as Americans was actually a cartoon, and not really the president speaking was met with suprisingly little outcry by the Democrats, as the people of Tekerria are now known. Again, the few who did protest have not been found for comment.

Fox News, the most watched news station in America before it became manditory to watch Reality News for at least 3 hours a day durring "Freedom Time" every evening, has just been closed down by the Tekerrian government. The government has stated the reason being spreading dissent throughout the free, uncorrupt Democratic people. Ted Kennedy also has come out with a decree making the AM radio band illegal to listen to and broadcast on.

One of the very few companies to survive the revolution, Cisco, has developed special routers and switches at the urging of the Tekarrian government which will filter out lies and only present the truth, says the new Emperor of Education, Robert Byrd.

"We have removed all content from the internet which was corrupting my fellow Democrats. We now have a great nation and have no need for the lies of conservativism to harm our great people," he told UN reporters. "Now I have to go lynch someone who doesn't look like me."

The actual induction ceremony of the new "Freedom Emperors" will be taking place Saturday, May 21st at 9 PM EST. The ceremony will include public torture and execution of Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, a suprise decree by John Kerry, and a large book burning shortly following. Members of the new government are looking forward to it.

"I'm just so excited that we don't have to debate issues anymore," said Nancy Pelosi, new Director of Information Control. "Tekerria is united and all of like mind, now. Anyone who disagrees with the truth will be taken to one of our reeducation camps where they will learn the meaning of truth.

Tekerria has already passed a manditory abortion bill, requiring everyone to have their first baby aborted in the third trimester, and a religion bill stating that all religions are right except for those who say only their religion is right. The members of such religions must either change their religion or face torture.

More on this story as it develops.



posted on May, 20 2005 @ 06:22 PM
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In other news Nasa has announced that they have found extraterestrial life. The Gov't denies these claims as they say the source is biased against them. Nasa retaliates saying that "you are the ones who fund us, and your sheer brilliant comments prove that you are as dumb as a chimp"

George Bush had this to say about the chimp remark.

"I have not had sexual relations with a chimp... all chimps are terrorists... and if you ever see me with a chimp I will deny it."



posted on May, 20 2005 @ 06:36 PM
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Alright, been waiting for your report on current affairs Pulitzer Prize winner Jungle Jake.

Current News.

After the religon bill was passed all the Hindus, Atheists, Buddists, Wiccans, Jews, and Pebble People came out of hiding knowing that the christians wouldn't kill them in the very spot they stood. Unknown Wiccans, like Colin Powell, have applauded the government for allowing him to come out of the broom closet.

Reality News is proud to say Fox News has been bought out and now the top three shows of Fox will be aired on Reality News during Freedom Hour. "The Other Side", hosted by Jungle Jake, the infamous hacker turned Pulitzer Prize winning Journalist, being the most popular from Fox News will get the 8pm spot. "The Corrupt Zone" hosted by the actor who played Chewbaca at 8:30pm spot. And now replacing the 9pm slot of "Common Sense" will be "The Truth in History" which goes over the history of politicians, the highest rating show was that on the Bush family revealing the father son relationship between Satan and Bush Jr. Bush Sr. response to finding out his wife cheated on him with Satan was inspiring, almost as inspiring as Hillary Clintons when she found out her husband had gotten BJs from a secretary. And now the #1 show on tv today, "Common Sense" hosted by the best #3 around James will be shown at 10pm.

Don't miss the puplic torture of Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh! After the trial proving they had links with the Bush/Satan administration and had tried to hack into the Reality News Live Feed to spew forth propaganda for Satan/Bush, but they weren't as good as the Pulitzer Prize winning Jungle Jake.

Later tonight at the 12 spot will be Bill Gates on what he plans to do with Apple, MSCNN, and the other 17 companies he bought. Tekerria is a great nation, 50 states in one country, not 50 countries seperate from each other, the way us Democrats wanted it all along.

Current update! The abortion bill has been over turned 8-1 by the Supreme Court. 5 democrat judges and 3 libertarian judges say the bill was passed due to the side parts, like item 2.9/0.5 which included a raise of minimum wage and item 9.4A section 5I which made put a limit on price of gasoline at $1.10 since it costs less then a dollar to make a gallon of gas.(that part is actually true, the price it costs to make, not the actual price)



posted on May, 20 2005 @ 07:13 PM
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JJNN has discovered the full text of the Reality News article which has just come out. Glaring omissions and strikeouts were what was made of ace reporter James The Lesser's article. After Nancy Pelosi modified the information it contained before releasing it to state controlled Reality News.

Below is the full text of the article with areas struck out underlined. We must commend James The Lesser for his courage in trying to publish such an article in the now intollerant Tekerria.


"After the religon bill was passed all the Hindus, Atheists, Buddists, Wiccans, Jews, and Pebble People came out of hiding knowing that the christians wouldn't kill them in the very spot they stood," Murry Montol, head of the ACLU, stated. Unknown Wiccanswho, like Colin Powell, support freedom of religion, have noted that that wasn't the case before the bill was passed, and fail to see the correlation. Ted Kennedy applauded the government for allowing him to come out of the closet.

Reality News is proud to say Fox News has been "bought out" according to John Kerry, who had the military surround the Fox News headquarters and execute workers until it was finally handed over for what the government was asking, $42. When asked why such a low price, Barbara Boxer said, "Well, George Bush must have seen this revolution coming. As a result, he rigged the economy to go down the toilet shortly after Emperors Kerry and Kennedy came into power and we can no longer afford to pay more. Now the top three shows of Fox will be aired on Reality News during Freedom Hour. "The Other Side", hosted by Jungle Man Jake, the infamous hacker turned Pulitzer Prize winning Journalist, being the most popular from Fox News will get the 8pm spot. This show deals mainly with helping Ted Kennedy along with his admission mentioned earlier in this article. "The Corrupt Zone" hosted by the actor who played Chewbaca at 8:30pm spot. This show focuses exclusivly on how corrupt the Republicans were before sanity prevailed and the new leadership of Tekerria had them all thrown into prison camps. Light humor follows during the credits where Republicans being tortured and executed in the camps is played. And now replacing the 9pm slot of "Common Sense" will be "The Truth in History" which goes over a revisionist history of politicians who disagreed with Ted Kennedy and John Kerry, the highest rating show was that on the Bush family revealing the father son relationship between Satan and Bush Jr. Bush Sr. response to finding out his wife cheated on him with Satan was inspiring, almost as inspiring as Hillary Clintons when she found out her husband had gotten BJs from a secretary. The show is an animated cartoon which proports to be exclusive footage. And now the #1 show on tv today, "Common Sense" hosted by the best #3 around James will be shown at 10pm. [This was added in to keep James the Lesser from exposing the drastic changes made to his article. He refused the deal, however, much to his credit.]

Don't miss the puplic torture of Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh! After the incredibly partronizing farce called a trial "proving" they had links with the Bush/Satan administration (as was made known to the public via the cartoon "exclusive" film) and had tried to hack into the Reality News Live Feed to spew forth propaganda for Satan/Bush despite his already having been executed by the Democrats(, but they weren't as good as the Pulitzer Prize winning Jungle Man Jake, who is currently being sued by JJNN for trademark infringement.

Later tonight at the 12 spot will be Bill Gates on what he plans to do with Apple, MSCNN, and the other 17 companies he "bought" after he helped fabricate some computer files used in the case to execute Bush. Tekerria is a great nation, 50 states in one country, not 50 countries seperate from each other, the way us Democrats wanted it all along.

Current update! The abortion bill has been over turned 8-1 by the Supreme Court. All eight justices mysterously committed suicide and were replaced by 5 democrat judges and 3 democrat judges. Members of the English government say the bill wasn't passed due to the side parts, like item 2.9/0.5 which included a raise of minimum wage and item 9.4A section 5I which made put a limit on price of gasoline at $1.10 since it costs less then a dollar to make a gallon of gas, but was rather passed because Tekerria seems to have adopted a culture of death. Many Democrats as the citizens are now called were worried about executing everyone who was a registered Republican, so to make them more comfortable with executing political criminals they're forcing every mother to kill an innocent life until they get used to it.


James The Lesser was furious that his article attempting to expose some corruption already in the new Tekerrian government was shut down. When he gave me this article, he told me, "I'm not really surprised. The democratic party, which is all this nation consists of now, has been trying to control the media for 60 years. When the republicans started to get a foothold in some media outlets, they did everything they could to get them silenced. However, they haven't been able to censor your great nation, JungleJake. They haven't been able to silence you. Make this known to the world. It's the only hope America could ever be restored to her glory. We need both parties to balance one another. Help us."

Also in the news, the French news network, The French Are Great (FAG), reported this story:


In other news Nasa has announced that they have found extraterestrial life. The Gov't denies these claims as they say the source is biased against them. Nasa retaliates saying that "you are the ones who fund us, and your sheer brilliant comments prove that you are as dumb as a chimp"

George Bush had this to say about the chimp remark.

"I have not had sexual relations with a chimp... all chimps are terrorists... and if you ever see me with a chimp I will deny it."


Guess it just goes to show you that even after a revolution in America where George Bush was publically executed, many liberals still blame him for everything that is wrong with the world today, including lunacy in the Kerry/Kennedy administration.





posted on May, 20 2005 @ 08:23 PM
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Latest News from Reality News.

James the Lesser shall be coming out with a public apology for what was said by Jungle Man Jake later. The report made by JTL was the real one, whatever JJ says is wrong! Now, here he is, JTL, host of "Common Sense" and will remain so if he says what we tell him to.

"Ladies and Gentleman, when I reported on the Bush Rapture I was telling the truth. When I reported on the coffee scandal which resulted in the American Canadian War I was telling the truth. When I reported on the news following the scandals and bills, I was telling the truth. I swear to Kerry and Ted, our great and beloved leaders that what I reported was the truth. I have no idea where my family is, I mean where Jungle Man Jake got such things from. I hope my father is ok, I mean I hope you the people know whatever Jungle Man Jake reported was wrong."

Walks off stage, thinking mini-microphone is off. "Ok, will you please release my family?" Hearing it over speakers JTL immediately shuts up.





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