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Descanso Breeze (a poem)

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posted on May, 17 2005 @ 06:20 AM
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The Descanso breeze
ruffled my hair
But didn’t disturb the quiet
It came with such ease
a cool breath of air
No hint of my pain to belie it

There to observe
with no great reserve
The passing of my mother’s sweet spirit
From the here and now
knowing when and how
Wasn’t helping me much to bear it

Mom would’ve said
now her voice in my head
‘Nature has its own way of being’
Put it ‘out there’
Universe, foul or fair
In the distance I have trouble seeing

I want her back
her presence, my lack
I don’t want, can’t stand, to let go
Up above, my dear friend
world without end
Together again one day, I know.




posted on May, 17 2005 @ 06:22 AM
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Beautiful poem. I loved the rhyme pattern and word choice. You should write more. Great work!
-tom



posted on May, 17 2005 @ 07:01 AM
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Hey, thanks. Difficult subject. This one kind of wrote itself. My best ones usually do. I copied the style somewhat from Robert Service. Are you familiar with 'the Shooting of Dan McGrew (at the Malamute Saloon)' or 'the Cremation of Sam McGee'?



posted on May, 17 2005 @ 07:35 AM
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I am not trying to be rude, my only aim is to help you avoid making further mistakes.
Colaborative fiction is for writings and reviews, not discussion about writing.
I just realized that this was misplaced in short stories. It should be in the main colaborative fiction forum. (one of the mods will likely move it soon anyway)
You should have writer status before posting any writing to colaborative fiction. Just send worldwatcher a u2u and she will give you the hook up. You match all the requirements.
eh, maybe you didn't read the rules first.
One more thing, good luck.
-tom



posted on May, 17 2005 @ 07:46 AM
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Yeah, I did read the rules, but didn't realize writer status was required prior to posting here. I'm sure I'll find out soon enough, but I"ll u2 WW just the same. Thanks for the tip, I saw the forum, and had some material, so just waded in.



posted on May, 17 2005 @ 07:56 AM
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...because of the collaborative nature of this forum "writer" status must be gained before you may post here.

Its in the rules.



posted on May, 17 2005 @ 09:14 AM
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Yeah, well, like I said, I wasn't thinking about it at the time this morning, I had some material, and I posted it. I'll sort out the rule issues going forward, and I hope you'll be satisfied that I make no further mistakes. Now, go paint your fence or somethin', will ya? Quit pickin' on me.



posted on May, 19 2005 @ 06:47 AM
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Originally posted by Tom Sawyer
Beautiful poem. I loved the rhyme pattern and word choice. You should write more. Great work!
-tom


agreed.
Its beautiful work that has been created here.



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