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Enter the Ninja OR DIE!

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posted on May, 12 2005 @ 05:44 AM


# Ninja don't sweat.

# Bullets can't kill a ninja.

# Ninja invented skateboarding

# Only a ninja can kill a ninja. Regular humans are useless.

# Ninja never wear headbands with the word "ninja" printed on them.

# Ninja can breath underwater anytime they want.

# Ninja can change clothes in less than 1 second.

# Ninja don't smoke, but they do use smoke bombs.

# Ninja always land on their feet. If they don't have feet they will land on their nubs.

# Ninja invented the internet.

# Ninja don't eat or drink very much, and they never have to go to the bathroom.

# Ninja always move to America when making a new start as a non-assassin.

# Ninja don't play sports. Unless killing is a sport.

# Ninja can crush golfballs with 2 fingers, any two fingers.

# Ninja have a bad temper when they lose at anything. They will usually cut off the winners head before they have time to gloat.

# Ninja lie all the time. Even when the truth serves better, ninja will lie anyway.

# Ninja swords are always straight with a square handle guard. Always. Curves are for girls


# Ninja never bring a gun to a sword fight. Ninja don't use guns. Ever.

# The only way to end a ninja clan is to break the head ninja's sword.

# Ninja never show their real face. If the need to show a face arises, it should be a very shiny mask. This is the only possible substitute.

# Bullets can't kill a ninja. Even 1 million bullets can not kill a ninja. (See the training video "Ninja 3: The Domination" for demonstration!)

# When attacking a single ninja with a clan of ninja (more than 4, less than that is only a posse), it is proper ninja etiquette to fight with only one ninja at a time. This makes for a much nicer fight to the death.

NOTE: if you are planning to fight the mack daddy ninja, be sure to bring lots of lesser ninja to warm him up for your grand entrance.

# When fighting with bow and arrows, a proper ninja will always destroy his bow if one of his arrows is cought in mid-air, and then broken over one knee of another ninja.

# Ninja stars and sake are a perfectly good currency for ninja payments.

# Ninja always use 4 pointed ninja stars. The fancy stars with more than for points are for the lesser ninja.

# Ninja can only use their special dissapearing powers in combination with a smoke bomb. This is not negociable.

# When training with other ninja, it is proper to group off into different colors. Stay with your color at all times! Failure to keep with your color results in a circle kicking, where you are in the center of the circle.

# Ninja always wear tabi boots. Even when they sleep.

# When confronting other ninja, always try to wear a different color than that of the ninja you are attacking. It is proper ninja-ettiquette to give "home" color to the defending ninja.

# Ninja don't sleep. I know I said they do above, but I lied.

# It's expected that ninja will lie from time to time.

# When encountering large falls and leaps it is appropriate to always give the right-of-way to the first ninja to jump.

# With that said it is equally appropriate to give the needed time and space for the following ninja to jump and catch up.

Ninja never wear headbands with the word 'ninja' printed on them. This would be a dead give away when trying to blend in. NOTE: Sometimes as a joke the elder ninja make the geek of the clan wear such a headband. Sort of like a "dunce" cap.


Ninja should never enter the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

Never scream just before attacking another ninja from behind. This will only alarm the ninja that you are about to do something funky.

Always wear a mask. You never know when you will see someone that you don't want to see you. TIP: (read this over and over till it makes sense)

Always carry a spare ninja uniform. You never know when you will need to change into something less dirty in mid-battle.

Never store shuriken in your underwear.

Try to use the swords of your enemies whenever possible. This way you can throw them into other bad ninja without having to worry about retrieving it later.

When trying to stop a run-away golf cart its best to pick up the back end (with hand if possible) so the wheels just spin in the air while the occupants start to get scared.

When fighting on the golf course, crushed golf balls make a good blinding powder. Just grip the golfball firmly between thumb and for-fingers, and then squeeze!

When necessary, the ninja star can be thrown with ninja toes. For example, say you are trying to gain entry into an airborne helicopter. You are using both hands to hold on and you want to plant a shuriken in the eyeball of the pilot, what do you do? Shuriken with ninja feet!

Instead of forging your own calthrops, you can simply use the kids toy "jacks". If you are a evil ninja, you can just steal them from a child, or even a lesser-ninja.

Simple way to tell what time it is without a clock is to call the local phone operator and ask them. Simple, but effective. Don't tell them your name.

When preparing for battle, take some time to do all the hand signs of kuji-in. You will feel better and look cool at the same time.

Always run sideways when possible. With proper application you can run through walls.

When jumping far distances, always roll up into a ball. It will give an extra 50 feet of jumping height.

Want to jump higher? Plant a corn stalk. As it grows each day jump over it. Gradually you will increase your jumping height as the corn grows.

Always use your ninja names when speaking to each other in battle. Don't let sneaky golfers listen in to your conversations and wreck your plans.

Try to fight in mid-air whenever possible.

Try to keep your weapons on display, even in storage. You never know when you will need them to look pretty for a pre-revenge scene.

Wearing black eyeliner is good for blending in with the environments. Especially good for public missions where photo ops may arise. Don't forget to wear your mask.


posted on May, 13 2005 @ 09:30 AM

Thanks for taking the test. After very careful study of the answers you have us, you seem to be a good ninja. It is important to follow the high roads on your journeys, and you seem to be getting pretty high. Good job.

If you feel that this test is not entirely accurate, and that you have some evil that is not coming through, please feel free to try the test again.

posted on May, 13 2005 @ 09:49 AM
*drops from tree*

Thanks for taking the test. After very careful study of the answers you have us, you seem to be a good ninja. It is important to follow the high roads on your journeys, and you seem to be getting pretty high. Good job.

*drops smoke bomb and disappears*

posted on May, 13 2005 @ 09:53 AM
On a ninja kick are we?

(no more puns please)

posted on May, 14 2005 @ 11:43 AM
The only way to end a ninja clan is to break the head ninja's sword.

You can break my sword when you pry it from my cold dead hands.

*ninja vanish*

posted on May, 14 2005 @ 12:13 PM
You broke my sword,

i want a new one

posted on May, 14 2005 @ 12:19 PM
ok, just don't tell your mom I broke your sword!

(digs a sword out of the stolen ninja sword collection)

posted on May, 15 2005 @ 03:01 AM
Isn't that the feared Metrosexume? The blade of high male fashion and interior decorating that was once owned by Andrew Ridgely...otherwise known as "The guy who wasn't George Michael" from 80's super group, WHAM?)

Well, I'd at least wash it off first before handing it over to him. I've heard that Paris Hilton used to check her dog's temperature with it.

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