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Button Explanation

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posted on May, 11 2005 @ 06:30 AM
It has come to my attention that there has been some marked dissension in the ranks due to the institution of these new buttons. Now, as we are all undoubtedly aware, the aesthetic properties of buttons is the single most important thing on ATS, for without buttons that are pleasing to the eye, how can any good man be expected to deny ignorance? Hmm? Good women-folk, of course, need not concern their delicate, pretty selves with this, and need only direct their energies into ensuring that the rooms of BTS are kept clean, fresh-smelling, and well-stocked with warm brandy should any gentlemen decide to discuss the merits of the new navigation system in a more relaxed environment.

After some lengthy and serious discussion in the pipesmoke-filled halls of the ATS Gentlemen's Club, it has become apparent that the major impetus for the observed whining and whinging about the buttons stems from the fact that some members are confused as to what the esoteric language on each button truly means. And so, after much painstaking review of my papers concerning the native ATS-speak, I have taken the liberty of providing a translation of each button and an explanation of its function, presented for the approval of the esteemed, educated men-folk of the board. where the heart is, and where your faithful woman companion resides, busying herself with fluffing pillows and the admirable arts of home cookery.

Time to kiss the wife good night and retire to your separate bed with a good book and a stiff brandy.

Hunt some baked goods, for which I recommend the musket pistol, the refined gentleman's only weapon of choice. But be wary of the Oreo species of biscuit, which can be rather vicious if only wounded.

Alter the specifics of your Gentlemen's Club registry details.

Emasculate yourself and submit an unmanly complaint about the new buttons.

Check up on what the other jolly fellows of ATS are up to, and keep an eye out for any audacious women-folk that may have donned a pair of pants and a crisp, white shirt and infiltrated the hallowed ATS halls disguised as man of character.

Update your journal, describing your adventures in the wild lands of the unchartered Internet, or your exploits in the so-called "real world".

Skim for answers to your question without really looking, before coming back to the Board Questions and Business forum to post your question anyway.

A button that you should never, under any circumstances, use before posting a new thread. The primary purpose of this function is to search for "dirt" on other members or to prove your point thus promoting your smug sense of self-satisfaction.

Your own personal study within the halls of ATS, free from the incessant prattling of light-headed females, and a suitably private place where you can oil your musket undisturbed.

A comfortable, quiet place to don your smoking jacket, pull up your favourite leather armchair, and discuss the happenings of ATS with other esteemed members, marvel at the wondrous technology of the gender-ambiguous chatbot, and formulate plans to keep ATS a men-only institution.

Submit the results of your investigations into the treacherous "real world" and watch with proud satisfaction as your works earn multitudes of trophies for "Outstanding Bias".

Send a letter to your esteemed fellow members informing them of any incursions into ATS by rambunctious females that may have posted some quality material, which may serve to sully our gender's hard-earned reputation as masters of the intellectual arts.

Post the results of your research into gender segregation and the correct and proper role of men and women in society.

Participate in the blood-stirring parry and thrust of intellectual debate, which is your birth right and your forte as a male member of the species.

One hopes that this has eliminated some of the confusion brought about by the introduction of the new buttons, and once again reiterated the utmost importance of spending your valuable time here at ATS discussing the merits of said buttons. For remember, without drama, ATS is naught but an empty conspiracy forum, with little more than serious research and intelligent discussion to rattle about like peas in a tin can.

posted on May, 11 2005 @ 06:41 AM
My own study, eh. Do I have a faithful hound sitting at my feet next to the fireplace?

posted on May, 11 2005 @ 10:39 AM
I love the buttons, especially since they are somewhat bigger (clearer and more legible) and fit the width of the screen!

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