posted on May, 10 2005 @ 12:45 AM
Thank you all for shareing all this with me. It's interesting to see how the idea of death can spur us on to help shed light in areas we ourselves
may have little more that gut feelings about.
I may as well shift the discussion a bit, It was never a question of, should i kill myself, it was just thought gathering. I've asked and answered
this questin more than a few times from more than a few levels of neuro chemistry.
About three months ago my mood dropped dramaticly. My brother fighting in Iraq, my feelings on war, my feelings for my brother, and then, a further
discovery of my uselessness to effect change regardless of intentions or effort.
I wished to leave.
I collapsed outside of our local emergancy room haveing been put in a triage line up for simply wishing to speak to someone. With great emotion i
cried to the heavens to shower the war torn reigons of this earth with love and forgivness, from the # dusted city of Mosul to the inner cortex of the
most shamful and depreved creatures.
I was willing to leave.
A "telepathic" confifmation of this decision was made between me and the heavens. I was asked twice. When my final answer was to go i started to
leave my body. slowly.
With each process of shutdown the various parts of my body went through, i would be asked for a confirmation again and again in this manner.
First my breathing was rapid, then my hands clawed and stopped reciving neurological connections. My vision was turrning into a snowstorm like image
of several hundred thousand concious creatures, all in full swing. I felt the tickle in my bowls as their system came to face the shutdown
I couldn't be found with crap in my pants. Regardless of the untaught discovery that one can end their life with will power alone, i could not be
found urine soaked a few meters away from a hospital gurny.
At that instand the heavens giggled at my desire to live on. and began restoring power to my moter functions.
This is the experiance that has lead to this idea/thred.
Any of you had anything like this come upon you?
I'll answer any questions in lenght, i'm just rushing to go see a movie right now.
heh, if life's not good enough you can always catch a flick.
thank you again.