ACSS: Revenant- Fall of Minos

Revenant

Ten months. Tens months, and NOW this happens. My men, my faithful saw her first, and I didn't believe them. Would you? It was little things, at first. I thought it was figments of their imaginations. We come back, the few, the precious few from that hell in Troas to find our home in ruins. Knossos, dear Knossos, what did my brother do to you? We come home from Troy, and the city is in shambles. Criminals owned the streets. My brother cowered in the palace like a child as my people suffered and starved. Worst of all, my sweet wife Phaedra...she was always drawn to men of power.

Adultering whore.

I slew her myself, rammed my spear through her gut and left her for the sun and the crows. My brother hung in the city square for three weeks. The palace guard didn't offer too much resistance, and soon I was on my throne again. It took months to get the city under control again, but we managed. All through it, my small core of veterans was by my side- Agripass, my first amongst heroes was promoted to general. We, the final few, rebuilt the land we fought for. I remarried, and we all moved on. And now, it's all gone. Nothing but ashes and rubble remains of proud Knossos. And it's all her fault.

At the beginning, it was small things. Things moved on their own when you left the room. Phaedra's voice echoed down dark halls at night. Her scent - the lilac perfume she wore at our wedding- filled my bed chamber every night for months. It didn't matter the incense I burned, or how clean it was, the scent would not leave. After awhile, I gave up and accepted it. It bothered my new wife to no end. She complained, I ignored her, and ruled my kingdom.

Then I saw her. At first, it was an apparition. Phaedra reaching out to me in the dead of night, as I wandered the corridors of the palace. She stood between two of the columns, translucent and horribly beautiful. Her eyes were wide, mouth open in a scream before she disappeared through a wall. I was, of course, rather unsettled. I told Agripass to summon the priests tomorrow, and tried to settle down for the night. But sleep did not come.

The priest came, with their weak magics, and left soon after. They could do nothing to appease the restless dead, they claimed. She was was driven by something well beyond their powers. I smoldered as they left, but soon calmed. I doubled the palace guard, only to find that many of my personal guard were terrified. Voices came from the darkness, objects flew off walls at them. Everything came with one demand- a hushed, angry whisper of "Where is my husband?"

My men were terrified, and I could not blame them. I was enraged at Phaedra's... insolence! No other word could describe it. I ordered all her possessions, everything she had ever owned, dragged out into the courtyard and burned. That would banish her spirit, or so I thought. Was I ever wrong.Her parents visited the grave the next day, and found it surrounded with claw marks. I shrugged it off- I didn't do anything, right? I assumed they hadn't buried her deep enough, and had my guard haul them out of my sight. They screamed and cried and called down curses on me, but I didn't care. I barely slept, I barely ate, and yet I ran a government.

Then, came the night I could finally sleep. I lay down beside my new wife, tumbled head over heel into the abyss. It was dark and lonely and that's the way I liked it. Before long, I was awake again, howls of pain ringing in my ears. I sat up quickly, my wife holding me tight. Spotting a largely ornamental sword hanging above my bed, I grabbed it and ran towards the howl. I heard other footsteps, rushing towards the noise. Rounding a corner, I saw one of my guardsmen hurled into the wall before me with a sickening crunch.

She was there, fighting my men. Phaedra, or at least her half rotten shell, was holding off three of my finest as well as Agripass. Dessicated muscle and yellowed bone were visible through rents in her grayed skin. The guardsman she had just killed had foolishly thought that by jamming his sword into her ribs, he could stop her. He paid the price, his weapon still lodged in her as I approached at a dead run.

She saw me, and went berserk. Flailing wildly, she pushed through my men. Agripass himself fell, as her unholy strength caved his helmet in with a single backhand blow. As his blood spurted from his head and down his neck, she cursed my name. Cracked claw reached for my face and she drove towards me. I swept my sword in front of me as I back pedaled, severing one of her hands.

It cost two more lives to subdue the demon, as my soldiers rushed in and hacked Phaedra to pieces. The stench was incredible, and blood soaked the walls. Still, she lived somehow, staring up at me with hate-filled eyes. She cursed and screamed to the gods for vengeance until I had enough. We cleaved and hewed and chopped at her undead body until she stopped moving.

All of a sudden, we felt a great, looming dread wash over us. The ground shook and the sky wailed. I do not recall much after that- merely that I managed to claw my way out of the rubble, to find my city in ruins. Now, I sit in this Mycenian hellhole, and repeat my story to any who will listen. Come, hear how the great Minoans fell, because of the pride of their king.

DE

Wow, that was kewl. Dude, your a good writer. Since you're the competition i'm suddenly wondering if I should offer the judges a bribe or somethin'

Great job DE and I hope to see you in the winners circle, In second place

Love and light my friend,

Wupy

Wait, we can offer bribes? WW, I give great back massages! If not that, uh, I don't have any money to bribe you with, need your lawn mowed? Wood Sawed? Car fixed?

Very enjoyable, DeusEx, there has been some true talent showen in this contest.

With the contest almost over, great to read so much work. But tommorow, tommorow, we will see! Come one lucky bunny, work!

Good flow, almost like a good novel. Good mix of Ancient beliefs and myths with the coincidence of an Earth "shaker"

Good. The progression and the movement of the story was equally paralleled by the development of the protagonist. The sleeping scene was really enjoyable to read, and for a brief moment the reader was in a psychological dream world. Very well done

An emotional and highly-charged story, “Revenant – Fall of Minos” quickly draws the reader into a dark and mythical world. Written in the first person, reading this story is a visceral experience in rage and vengeance. I felt drawn into this story and the writer certainly demonstrated an aptitude for science fantasy and writing soliloquy.

Just a sampling of the critique



[edit on 5-12-2005 by worldwatcher]

Thanks, WW. I appreciate it. I feel sorta like I cut a few corners on this one...but I still think it's cool. Thank for the opportunity to compete, and thanks to the judges.

DE

Damned good stuff, sibkin. Seeing competition such as your story makes me feel ever more honored to have won this contest. The story had a great flow to it man. I've gotten used to seeing that in your work though.

DeusEX...i think your story was AWSOME... it felt like a movie... i gave you a second place on my "personal TOP 5"...hehehehe

TDH...thanks for the vote of confidence, but your story had 'it'. Yours was AMAZING, omae.

Basstet, thanks for the the compliment.

Maybe I should take up writing again...

DE

Originally posted by DeusEx


Maybe I should take up writing again...

DE

What are you waiting for ?????????????????????????????
GO FOR IT !!!!