Hunting the Elusive House Cat

Hunting the elusive housecat can be both educational and fun! Before you get started, you'll need a few supplies:

1. Tree Stand (one that can be fastened to the trunk of a tree)
   
2. Several balls of yarn
   
3. Catnip
   
4. A 6' x 6' patch of carpet
   
5. 6' x 6' piece of bark
   
6. Several small bells
   

Setup
Now, you have to decide where you want to hunt. If you're going to hunt in the city, the tree stand is invaluable. Just put it up about 6 feet high on a street lamp, or, if you have a balcany, you're already set.
If you're hunting in suburbia, you'll need to get some camos on. First, attach the bells to the piece of bark in various places and heights, then wrap the bark around you so as to look like a scratching post. You can also use the carpet to wrap around yourself if it's too cold for bark.
Toss a few balls of yarn out around your hunting site. It helps if some of the yarn is lying outside of the ball. You'll also want a pile of catnip about 10 feet away from where you're going to be standing.
If you're in the city and don't have access to a tree stand, you can dress up as an old woman and start calling, "Here kitty kitty kitty!"
To hunt in a field, it's best to dress up like a mouse.

The Hunt
Start making cat calls after you're all set up. Some effective ones are:

1. Hey hot momma!
   
2. Do those legs go all the way up?
   
3. Whistle where the tone goes up, then drops down
   
4. Hey bay-bee! Hey bay-bee!
   

The cats will come. Now, if you have a gun, you don't need them to get close, although if they hit the catnip they'll get rather difficult to shoot. A keyboard can also be used, they'll pounce it and won't move.
Since they will be tame, however, you can usually just walk up, continuing to make the cat calls, reach out, pet it a little behind the ears, grab its head and snap its neck.
Most importantly, have fun!

ROFL!!! That is highly amusing. Here's another good one.
How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way

1.Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog

Originally posted by deadlynightshade
ROFL!!! That is highly amusing. Here's another good one.
How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way

Oh my gosh, that was horrible! I loved it!