The UK Chemical

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science.
 
 The new element has been tentatively named 'Governmentium.'  Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy
 neutrons,and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
 
 These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
 
 Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. It can be detected, however, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes
 into contact.
 
 A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
 
 Governmentium has a normal half-life of four  years; it does not decay,but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
 neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
 
 In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming
 isodopes.
 
 This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as 'Critical Morass.' You will know it when you see it.

Uh I thought it was called Administratium?

Made me grin

thanks DJDOHBOY