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A Day In The Life Of 'Jak's' The extract from his diary.

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posted on Apr, 9 2005 @ 05:16 AM

Dear diary,
Being a mod is so much fun,after excepting the position i was really impressed with my initial 'tour' of the ATS offices and buildings.I was slightly concerned with the 'off limits' areas and Sceptic Overlord got a bit funny when i asked what went on in there?......i only have security clearence code 'LEVEL 3' at the moment so i cant enter sure the screams emitting from deep in the bowels of the building are nothing?

Everyone on the staff is really nice and made me feel at home....Simon even made a point of stopping off to say 'hi ,welcome aboard'......although he couldnt stay long as he had some pressing issues at DULCE to deal with?

I couldnt believe how nice the canteen was!!....lunch was an extraveganza of cullinary delights!.....although i think i may have eaten too many oysters and i did feel a bit tipsy after drinking my second bottle of 'Crystal' champagne......barfing in the sink wasnt too much of an issue as it was only my first day, william one sac helped clear it up.

After lunch i settled down to some 'board biusness'...a few bannings over a coffe and some 'warns' had to be distributed......i was happy to see 'optimus fett' had again recieved a huge amount of 'way above' votes.....he really is one of the most valuable members of the ATS board......i love the way he secretley pertends to be a normal member and never mentions hes 'Admin'.

Shortly after 3 0,clock i was happy to partake of fine brandys and cigars in the 'cosmic Rathskeller' was such a laugh when 'Rant' accidentley spilt his over the 'piri reiss' map.....although apparentley that was no where near as funny as when 'Asala' crashed one of the company flying disks into the hangar wall at AREA 51......?

By 5.30 i was feeling a bit tired so i went down to the ATS sauna and masage palour.....i was a bit annoyed when some naughty reptillians started asking for 'extras' of them got quite rowdy.....fortunatley 'Kano' calmed the situation by giving them all a free pass to have a go on the 'Auora' spy plane.....hes a nice guy.

I was just about to leave to go home when 'Daystar'' asked me if i wanted a ride?....we stopped off at the pub and watched the Tottenham game....they lost as usual....but nothing new there.....maybe ill have to convert to 'Manchester United' optimus?.....hes a good lad!

Good night dear diary.....cant wait for tomorrow.....i think were going on a day trip to New schwabenland with some mates of 'Gazrocks' in the illuminati?....should be fun.....(yawn).

posted on Apr, 9 2005 @ 07:04 AM
oh so optimus gets all the attention!
what about the funk??!!?!

JAK i'm a good lad too aren't I? i like tottenham as well? they aren't like those MUFC football hooligans!

i feel like drinking now
oh yeah much, much... better... hey, what are you looking at?! bloody Daystar! lemme drink in peace because Tottenham are the most awful football team on the planet!! :w::w::w::w::w::w::w::w: oh well at least I win, all this grog is on JAK's bar tab!

posted on Apr, 9 2005 @ 07:57 AM
Dear diary.....i was very impressed with some of the posters around the ATS is one of my favourites!

posted on Apr, 10 2005 @ 10:26 AM
LMFAO...mate, keep posting!!

posted on Apr, 15 2005 @ 10:38 AM

Dear diary,
sorry i havent written in you for a few days......its just with all the excitement ive been too busy!

its been go,go,go round here......Jak's make the tea.....Jak's clean the bins.....Jak's tidy simons office......phew!!......lots of work!!

The most busiest ive been was sorting out all of optimuses fan mail.....its amazing how much he gets.....although i felt a bit embarrased when i opened some for him and a pair of speedos fell out!!....its a mazing what people send!

ive been doing quite a lot of overtime recentley.....mainly just taking things down to the lab and storage....i actually got in trouble when i threw the 'spear of destiny' at daystar for a laugh......i felt really bad when it missed and stuck in the mummified remains of tutankhamun!!...simon was miffed to say the least!

ive been studying some new launguages favourite is 'MANC'....its an intresting and diverse toungue....but chicks love it....and i know that its optimus fetts choosen accent.....and hes my hero!

i got to take the minutes at a NWO meeting the other day for GAZROCK....although i felt really silly wearing that 'gimp' hood.....apparentley its tradition?

me in gazrocks meeting.

night night diary.

[edit on 15-4-2005 by optimus fett]

posted on Apr, 16 2005 @ 08:22 AM
He appeared in "Pulp Fiction", didn´t he??

posted on Apr, 16 2005 @ 11:20 AM

TextHe appeared in "Pulp Fiction", didn´t he??

yes DC my friend he did,but in 'pulp fiction' jaks played a small child on a raleigh chopper doing a 'bunny hop' in the background of one of the scenes......although he did put in for a part in after that in 'revenge of the gimp 3'....sadly it was turned down......thankfully jak's has found the regognition he so definatley deserves here at ATS.....theres been a few rumours that you can catch him in chat?.....although its not often these days he gets to interact with us minions and apparentley hes now changing his name to.......

'»»##!=?='.........the 'chatter' formerley known as 'jak's'

posted on Apr, 23 2005 @ 05:38 AM
well again its been a few days since i wrote in you.....and a lot has happened...where shall i start?

things are going ok being a mod,although i do really miss having the freeedom to talk intelectually with optimus in chat....its all just go,go,go upstairs....

ive been putting in a lot of overtime recentley and theres a rumour that if i keep it up i may get promoted to admin?.......i dont know what ill do if that happens.....i think im regretting being a mod......i just miss those wild crazy days in chat when id 'mince' about with optimus.....scan the forums for some exciting tit bits of info and generally jape the day away!

everyone knows that really it should have been optimus that got my job...its quite clear when im at work that all the staff really like him.....ive noticed that when his name comes up alot for WATS that a little cheer ripples round the offices....and when he doesnt log on for a day or two the general mood becomes a bit somber to say the least.........its actually gotten to the point when i walk in of a morning and say 'hello everyone!' that people just shrug and say...''s.....yes..hi jak's........arent you that new mod guy who was really good mates with fett?.......tell us about him,whats he really like? he has cool as simon says he is?........oh and can you make us another cup of tea please''

im actually starting to feel a bit like ive made the wrong desicion.......

good night diary......(sob's)

posted on Apr, 23 2005 @ 06:12 AM
You are so evil Optimus,

how much votes you have?

Whats the cover of JAK´s diary? I am so

take care


posted on Apr, 23 2005 @ 06:49 AM
Wow, JAK, I didn't realize you were so bad at spelling...

posted on Apr, 26 2005 @ 04:14 AM

something strange happened today at the ATS offices.....i arrived early to do some filing work for simon and SO......the offices were empty apart from some drunk reptillians that were a sleep on the couch in the illuminati library from the party they had in there the night before.......i went down to level '3' to get some more 'binders'.....imagine my shock when i saw the restricted access doors to level 4,5,6,7 and 8 were wide open!!.....the security guards werent at their posts.

i debated for a few minutes wether or not to go inside and have a look...then decided i had to find out what was going on in there.....

after walking down the dimly lit corridoors for a what seemed ages i came to an elevator....i cautiously entered it and selected the 'down' option...the doors slid shut and the lift started to desend......a chill ran down my spine.

when they opened again i was stood in a giant far as the eye could see were all manner of flying disks and saucers....i was gob smacked....i can only remember being that shocked back in 1935 when totenham FC actually won a game.

i looked around for a bit and decided my favourite ship was definatley that one from 'flight of the navigatior'....but just as i was about to go inside i heard a noise coming from the other end of the hall......

imagine my suprise as i saw 3 really drunk 'predators' stumble across the hangar and get into a ship!!!...they started it up....went flying forward straight into the back of a parked vrill flying disk!! of the predators wobbled out and politley left what i can only presume was his name and address under the wiper blade of the vrill craft......he then re-boarded his own ship and the craft soared skyward through a hole in the hangar ceilling.

what the hell was going on i wondered?.....i looked in the direction they had come from and saw lights coming from another room......i walked towards it and entered.....

the sight that met my eyes astounded me........there in full swing was a giant party....a phat bass line was banging out of a giant sound system......about 30 imperial stormtroopers came whizzing past me doing the conga!......a group of 'aliens' were sat in a corner booth toking a giant bong......'apollo' from battlestar galactica was chatting up the bird with the 3 boobs from 'Total Recall' the bar........Queen Amedala was busting some groovy moves With DA-cruz on the podium!..........Daystar was showing some greys a card trick!......SO was break dancing on the centre stage........and simon was sitting in the VIP lounge having a martini with optimus and some fine honeys from the 'Outer Centuri' volley ball team!

What the hell was going on????? was only Fetts birthday party wasnt it!!

apparentley id been invited but i hadnt got my invitation because they were all given out in 'chat' and because im hardly ever in there i hadnt picked it up!!

lesson learned diary.....go into chat a bit more.

night,night dear diary.


posted on Apr, 26 2005 @ 01:11 PM
In reply to earlier BLASPHEMY, here is something for all faithful to Spurs...

Have a nice day

posted on Apr, 30 2005 @ 07:50 AM

HELLO DIARY!!....excuse the block capitals but im so excited im at bursting point!!

we were shooting the breeze in the ATS staff room the other day when a few of the admin crew...(my besse mates).....revealed a secret organization that exsists within ATS......i had apparentley been singled out by a few other members and they had decided to invite me into this elite covert group of vigilanties....led by no other than........yup! guessed it!.....


after i had regained calm after the initial shock of realising that i would be working with the great man himself.......i was told of this mystery top secret groups mission.

.....way back in the 80's...simon and optimus had been hanging around a lot in the seedy miami underground world of crime and criminals.....they had been un happy about what they had seen and decided when back on english soil to form a crime fighting unit that could deal with the threat of any criminal element!

....we have a difficult task coming up and ive been asked to get involved......its been made quite clear that i may not make it back alive....

....ive been spending a week under optimuses guidance and im feeling confident.....some of the skill hes taught me are in valuable in the field....... was the first requirement....simon and fett made it quite clear that the 'class' element was paramount.....

posted on Apr, 30 2005 @ 08:01 AM
link page...

yes clothes......

slip ons,......stay creased slacks......matching jacket......muscle shirt underneath or t shirt with chest hair showing....sun glasses...(to be worn even at night).....side arm........spare clips......and bouffon hair style!

next manner and in the field demenier......

let the enemy shoot first.......never let them interupt you chatting up a hot chick at the bar.......

at any chance you get..... under fire...roll over a car bonnet......

always position yourself 'down wind' so that your jacket and hair blow freely around.....

at any chance you get board a powerfull off shore speed boat for absolutley no reason and cruise about....

make sure you always use all availble point not using it when youve got it....

never,ever,ever turn down a date for going out fighting crime....chicks first.....crime fighting later.

always listen to A-HA when driving.....its rock with aggression....if your enemys hear it as you pull up in your ferrari it lets them know you mean buisness!

im tired now diary....ill let you know how the mission unfolds soon.

posted on May, 1 2005 @ 01:23 PM

Originally posted by optimus fett
.....way back in the 80's...simon and optimus had been hanging around a lot in the seedy miami underground world of crime and criminals.....they had been un happy about what they had seen and decided when back on english soil to form a crime fighting unit that could deal with the threat of any criminal element!

Why not just hire the A Team?

posted on May, 7 2005 @ 03:59 PM
I think it's time to move this into short stories, first to give Optimus a reality check, and second to give us one.

Is it just me or is Optimus starting to scare anyone?

posted on May, 7 2005 @ 04:48 PM

Originally posted by Relentless
Is it just me or is Optimus starting to scare anyone?

starting to??

posted on May, 10 2005 @ 03:21 PM

It's not REALLY a tradition, they just told him that so they could snap this picture, hehe.... silly newbie mods!

posted on May, 15 2005 @ 06:05 AM

TextIs it just me or is Optimus starting to scare anyone?

LMFAO!!!!.....believe me......i havent even started yet!!!

posted on May, 15 2005 @ 01:52 PM

Originally posted by optimus fett

TextIs it just me or is Optimus starting to scare anyone?

LMFAO!!!!.....believe me......i havent even started yet!!!

This thread have a absolute value...

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