RANK RECOGNITION MADE EASY

Found this today and found it hilarious


RANK RECOGNITION MADE EASY

General

+Faster than a speeding bullet.
+More powerful than a locomotive.
+Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
+Walks on water.
+Lunches with God, but must pick up tab.

Colonel

+Almost as fast as a speeding bullet.
+More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline.
+Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
+Walks on water if sea is calm.
+Talks to God.

Lieutenant-Colonel

+Faster than an energetically thrown rock.
Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet.
+Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds.
+Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present.
+May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least three working days in advance.

Major

+Can fire a speeding bullet with tolerable accuracy.
+Loses tug-of-war against anything mechanical.
+Makes impressively high marks when trying to leap tall buildings.
+Swims well.
+Is occasionally addressed by God, in passing.

Captain

+Can sometimes handle firearm without shooting self.
+Is run over by trains.
+Barely clears outhouse.
+Dog paddles.
+Mumbles to self.

Lieutenant

+Is dangerous to self and comrades if armed and unsupervised.
+Recognizes trains two out of three times.
+Runs into tall buildings.
+Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of life jacket and water wings.
+Talks to walls.

2nd Lieutenant

+Can be trusted with either gun or ammunition but never both.
+Must have train ticket pinned to jacket and mittens tied to sleeves.
+Falls over doorsteps while trying to enter tall buildings.
+Plays in Mud puddles.
+Studders.

Officer Cadet

+Under no circumstances to be issued with gun or ammunition, and must even be closely supervised when handling sharp pieces of paper - staples are right out.
+Says: "Look at choo choo!"
+Not allowed inside buildings of any size.
+Makes good boat anchor.
+Mere existence makes God shudder.

Sergeant-Major

+Catches hyper sonic armour peircing fin stabilized +discarding sabot depleted uranium long rod penetrators in his teeth and eats them.
+Kicks bullet trains off their tracks.
+Uproots tall buildings and walk under them.
+Freezes water with a single glance; parts it with trifling gesture.
+Is God.

Sergeant-Major kicks butt!!


regards
seekerof

[Edited on 19-7-2003 by Seekerof]

Wouldn't that be Command Sergeant Major?



[Edited on 19-7-2003 by FreeMason]

Thats not the full one, or at least two might have been made. The one I read while in Ky, had the Drill Sergeant listed also.

Originally posted by FreeMason
Wouldn't that be Command Sergeant Major?

Nah they are both E-9s, if anything it should have been;

Sgt. Major of the Army.

[Edited on 19-7-2003 by ADVISOR]