posted on Nov, 15 2007 @ 05:24 AM
I have always seen pictures in my mind whenever I hear or smell something.
I also draw graphs in my head of almost everything.
When I was a kid I used to remember entire pages of text by "folding" the image of it in my mind, linking up certain words or pictures.
After someone told me I had a photographic memory, I started to think of pages in terms of photographs, and then my "photographic" memory was
For the life of me I can't remember how I used to do it.
When I was 10 I picked up my uncle's BASIC programming manual for his IBM PC, and started programming computer graphics.
I started graphing equations on it. Was playing with mathematics and pictures hours on end every day. I was experimenting with an electronics kit,
and thought that the heat delivered to a wire was the "average of a million absolute values of a sine wave".
Little did I know that this is a process in calculus called integration.
I was working on 3 body gravity problems soon thereafter.
I was sent to the principal's office in grade school several times. I got swatted (spanked with a paddle) for stealing. I was "borrowing" books
that were un-borrowable.
I personally believe that if you have to go to school to have conceptual ideas explained to you (they aren't obvious), then you will never really
understand anyway. In matters of imagination, you either have it or you don't. Facts, on the other hand, anyone can learn.
I believe that intelligence is evident not in the things that you know, but in what questions you are asking.
So much of my life has been frustrating, because I look around me and see people who, for lack of a better word, seem to be "asleep". It's as if
they're walking around, but barely there, barely awake, their eyes half open and their biological reactions are very slow...
I don't believe IQ tests test anything of importance. I am no more successful than an average Joe. My abilities have always seemed useless in
today's world. I was always more interested in fields of study not for what money you could make from them but just because I want to peer into the
mind of god.
The funny thing is, I have always felt rather stupid, myself. I push, push push to try and wrap my mind around things that interest me, and fall
short all the time.
I was told that I was anti-social as a child. I never wanted to be that way, I just thought all the silly things other people were doing was
That's right, boring.
But as soon as I saw someone play the violin in 4th grade, I was mesmerized.
I remember seeing some kind of polyhedron toy in the classroom when I was a kid, and I obsessed about that thing all morning. I couldn't WAIT to get
to recess to pick it up and see how it was put together.
I was spanked many times as a kid for taking apart things like tools, appliances, toys.
I believe education is entirely unnecessary. Make all information available to anyone, and those with higher potentials will grab what they like and
run. I never went to college to become anything, I went because other people believed i hadn't proven myself until I had gone.
I find communication with average people to be excruciating. If you are a genius (140), talking to an average person is like an average person
talking to someone with mental retardation. If your IQ is 200, then talking to a genius feels this way.
I grew out of my science, physics, mathematics stage when I was 14, and took up art and poetry. Not because I lost interest, I just got so frustrated
because the tools of analysis weren't available to me, and I didn't know anyone who I could talk to about it.
Since then, I've gone back and forth through various subjects, from hell, to heaven, and back to hell.
I struggle with depression and loneliness constantly.
It's a strange thing to be in this world, wanting so badly for people to listen, when you know you have something figured out, or want to ask someone
what they think about something... but when you speak the world tells you YOU are the one who has got it wrong, and YOUR ideas are boring.
So I still daydream. I enjoy hallucinating. I can make it happen almost at will. I lie down in bed, turn off all lights and sounds, and feel myself
whoosh into a vast, empty room. From there I hear music, poetry, sounds, feelings.... sometimes my body tingles and buzzes. In the buzzing I hear
voices. I swear on my life that I can verify the things they tell me when I come back out from my meditation. My mom told me I was possessed by
demons as a kid, those were the voices, sounds, smells, and pictures I was seeing. I started to see them all the time, all day long. She took me to
many doctors... some said I was sick, some said I was withdrawn, a few said I was gifted.
I don't tell anyone about them anymore. Today they're mostly my little secret.
Most of the IQ tests I took while in school had a max limit of 140, though there were a few that went up to 200. I have scored as little as 130, but
I pegged the needle with one at 200 once.
The psychology of my situation has led me to certain spells in my life where I turned to alcohol or drugs to numb and slow down. Today I would say
that I've lost a lot of my perspicacity out of ambivalence, laziness, and drugs. It's hard to keep caring when no one else does.
So hmm... sorry if this sounds depressing. You asked.
[edit on 15-11-2007 by dionysius9]