Emotionally - I used to have very powerful, simple emotions, in a sort of rotating spray. I fell head over heels in love more than a dozen times as a
youth. I felt huge sadness, terrible, crushing sadness. I hated with extreme pashion as well. As I grew older, the wheel kept turning, but it
slowed down and gave me more time for contemplation and study in between drama episodes. When I got older still, distance provided perspective, and
balance was increased. As I understand more and more of the equation, as my wisdom increases (self knowledge and knowledge of the world), so does my
I like plants the best for my inspiration, they're very serene. Even if they're eaten, they can smile and take a nap. Soon they'll be coming out
the other side, multiplied and fertilized. Adversity becomes benefit. The water is another great example of powerful serenity, it will flow around
an obstructive boulder for centuries, and soon, there will be no boulder, only water. Patience. Youth knows nothing about patience. It gets easier
as you get older.
Socially - I've always been a social person, but in a particular way. I've always had a few, very good friends, as opposed to lots of casual
aquaintances. I value my privacy and my time too much to constantly be surrounded by other people. It's very hard to think when you are immersed in
social interactions without any sort of downtime in between. I do love conversation, because one can learn something from every one, it's just a
matter of perspective, but too much of a good thing can be deadly. You can quite easily lose yourself in the lives of others, and stray from your
path in life. Those who are willfully neglecting their own path often co-opt the lives of others in hopes that will make an adequate substitute, but
it always fails, invariably, miserably, universally - works the same for all of us.
I don't think socialites are all braindead, but I do think being constantly social and reactive to the signals of those around you interferes with
deep thinking. Social activities are very healthy though, so one has to find some sort of balance. Relationships are as important as solitude, and
that's coming from a hermit. Balance in all things is a good general goal to strive for, because it adequately reflects successful behavior in the
world around us. The planet is balanced, the animals, the stars, the All. You should also be in balance, rocking gently between chaos and order.
Ideologies -I guess I'd be best described as a Gnostical Taoist...
I believe we live in Hell, a place of suffering. Will is power in this place, so is compassion ( a more subtle form of power, less certain, but less
draining), and knowledge. See, we're in Hell, but we're not paying for sins from some past life, we're not paying for original sin, we're paying
for those sins we commit in this life, in our immediate past, from our current lives. People get hung up on the afterlife and twist their own lives
up as a result. This is Hell, so learn to fly, don't wait to do so until after you're dead, on the word of a preacher with ruptured capilaries in
his nose, or a dusty parchment page.
See, great men have come before us. There are few if any original thoughts. The wisdom of the ages contains, in parable and riddle form, the
combined, distilled, thinking of every man who has come before. Accessing and assimilating all that knowledge on the other hand is a daunting task,
perhaps made impossible by simple passage of time; the enormous size of the set.
We can but try. That's where Taoism comes in...
It just means the way, an inherently 'right' way of doing things, that follows universal laws observed and understood. If life is a path, what is
there to do but walk it? There's no sensible alternative. Since there is no destination in sight for the most part, we should focus on the journey.
Learn, grow, travel, understand more and more with every step, do not fear what you cannot change...and on and on. The religions, the myths, the
pulp novels, the poems, they all have something to teach.
If you learn it, you are another step closer to understanding. Understanding is the reward, earned through dedication and fortune.
Some men worship fortune and suffer from sloth, arrogance, delusions, all the rest. Some men worship dedication and fall prey to hubris, they become
rigid out of love of their current form, they hurt themselves, disrupt their path in doing so.
So, Dedication and Fortune, I worship them in myself, in others, in the universe - nature. I see them as the driving forces of my existence, the
difference between motion and stasis - a sort of many faceted ideal of perfected imperfection.
I do not know what came before this - I can only craft a puzzle image as complete as my pieces of the moment allow. I do not know what comes after -
I can only paint a picture as beautiful as I know how. I do wish to enjoy whatever comes - so the only thing is to follow the clearest path, and
never stray because I wish to arrive at a destination somewhere off the path. Those things take dedication, to allow for imperfection in the name of
perfection. By the way, paradox should be embraced because, well, it's the nature of the universe - reflected in man as in all things.
It's the difference between trying to manhandle the future, and having faith that the future will come and be good. This is only possible if you are
confident in your ability to perceive it as good, and alternately your ability to make it good. Hence, a positive outlook on all things, a possible
solution must be allowed for. Depression is the opposite of this. It's hopelessness. So that's where fortune comes in.
I'm also a scholar and a warrior. For similar reasons, adaptability and a desire to continue on my path.
Communication is a viable means of helping those who cross your path with their own. It's counterproductive to 'pick' them up and control their
destiny, because you will either maintain your path and take them astray, or you will neglect your own to help them, and find yourself lost. However,
telling stories or playing a melody that tells an emotional story, or painting a picture, can communicate knowledge and give those people something,
without falling away from your own movement, your own direction. To be compassionate, it helps to be a scholar, because you will see when you neglect
others, and where you neglect yourself. Essentially it lends to the avoidance of barriers on your path, and simulataneously lends to the success of
Sometimes others will seek to block your path for any number of reasons. Diplomacy is preferable. Threats are secondary. But in the event a
confrontation happens, you must be able to conquer the obstacle in one fashion or another in order to continue on your path. Being a warrior entails
many things, too many to list for this already lengthy post, but the first and foremost thing it serves is one's own destiny. Essentially it
removes barriers as a last resort.
It takes DEDICATION to be a scholar and a warrior, to master and combine the two, to reject hubris and greed, sloth and animal rage, foolishness and
ignorance. It takes constant vigilance to remain adaptable and in motion.
All I know is the theory. It's easy to talk, it's enormously difficult to do, probably by its very nature impossible - but that's precisely why I
love it so much, because it is a path without an end. How better to enjoy the journey?
So that's my ideology in a nutshell. Okay, so it was a big nutshell. Mea culpa.
A tidbit you might find interesting. Many if not most autistic children are thought to have IQ stats high into the thousands. Their thoughts are
simply above us. Therefore, IQ follows the rule of everything else, too much is too much. Too much of anything can kill you (even water), and
apparently too much IQ can seriously impair your ability to function in the world.
So IQ is not a case of higher being better, it's a case of having as much as you need to live your life - the details of which vary widely from
person to person. That's my perception of it anyway. Luckily my IQ has sustained me in my journey, but I'm sure I could have gotten along fine
with a much lower one. It's hard to function with an abysmally low, or an impractically high IQ, but it appears any measure inside the bookends,
within the fringes, is capable of ferrying us through life.
So that's the end of my spiel. I hope I've provided some illumination.