Ok, first of all, I suffer from anxiety and depression and have had it pretty much all my life. I've posted about 'ways of dealing with it' a few times here, but recently I've just felt that I should take this even further because
some rather annoying incidents have affected me.

To begin with, when I first discovered what I had was anxiety, I went to my doctor and they put me through to a counsellor. There, I did some speaking type therapy where I talk about my problems and ways of how to deal with them. I did that for over a year, and I must admit I came quite a long way. But one thing still stands and that is my 'negative/fear' view on people and certain small situations, that myself and counsellor just couldn't understand - it wasn't as though, I was expecting something bad to happen, it was like someone was putting/breaking me down and making me feel bad and I explained this in the way of another voice. And fair enough, it was put as 'negative and positive' a method chosen by my counsellor to help me understand it a little. One thing however didn't make sense and that was the horrid, disturbing images of harm to others and myself, I told my counsellor and she explained that was probably my way of dealing with things. As time went on they got worse and at this point my parents got in contact with a hypnotherapist. With this hypnotherapist, we woked on many healing processes, which worked a little, but still did not help with the negative energy. After this, for many weeks I became very ill and was sick almost every day. Eventually I got better, but something told me that what I was doing was 'triggering' something really bad. A week afterwards I went absolutely nuts, I was incredibly negative and aggressive, I was upsetting people for no reason and I was very quick tempered. Over time it has been easing, I've been shutting myself away from people to avoid this incidents and I do not wish to upset people. What I am getting at is that a whole different personality comes over me and takes control. The regular way this happened before was restraining myself in my own body and being unable to do anything I desired - sort of like putting myself in a strait jacket.

When I was little I was always quiet, I kept things to myself and I used to ‘apparently’ shut myself in my bedroom and talk to myself while I was playing with my toys and even played with thin air. This makes me a little suspicious, because my hypnotherapist informed me that young children are often very open to supernatural things, perhaps I had an encounter with something? My mum claimed that at the age of 3-6 I had terrible nightmares and she could never wake me out of them...Spiritual encounters are common in my family, as 2yrs ago my uncle died and many of my family including myself, have encountered some very strange incidents that point towards my uncle.

I know you’re all going to probably say it’s a mental illness like schizophrenia, but I assure it is not. I know when this other ‘self’ comes around, I know it’s happening and a lot of the symptoms of schizophrenia do not tie in with my experiences.

I’m just wondering what to do with this, is there anyway I could contact my spirit guide for help? Or is my spirit guide the cause? are they bad? I’m looking for spiritual healing, a way to rid all of this negativity.

Thanks.

Thanks TheBandit795, I'll look into those.

To give you all an idea of what keeps happening to me, well earlier today I was stroking my dog as you do... and an image flashes into my head of grabbing his neck and strangling him... That is horrible!!!! I love my dog, why the hell would I want to do that to him? These are the sort of things that keep happening, instant images of cruel, wickedness. I'm disgusted that I even get these images. Shall I even proceed to tell you more?

Praying to God to remove the negativity and really "meaning" it will work. Also, everyday and night sit quietly and focus on Love and ask God to fill you with postivity and Love. It seems you have tried nothing but external methods developed by men, you need to turn inward and ask God to remove your negative problems and really mean it and sincerely want God to help you and God WILL help you. Then stick with it and stick with God. ('')

Word to the fellow Carribean. Might even check out those CDs myself... tad expencive though.

What ever you do my friend, realize that there is always someone who is or at least has been through what you are experiencing. DONT and I repeat cause I can relate to you DONT take ANY drugs they give you, by all means try but from my experience anti depressants are horrid things that mess with your emotions, something to keep away from, if you feel sad find out the cause, don't take drugs to escape it.

I used to and sometimes still do suffer from anxitey and depression, I had a tough childhood and like you would spend time locked in my bedroom talking to myself... not a sign of madness, best to air thoughts rather than keep them bottled up, the inspiration it brings is something I can't describe. Letting things flow.

The thought of doing harm to others can come from love, a smothering love somethng I read up on once. I belive it can be love that you don't know how to express, you don't want to hurt anyone you know that. It comes from anxiety which acts as a block to that love, it can also cause sexual problems.

There are people that have children and become scared that they might throw them in a dustbin (TV show on OC disorders) they told the person to sit next to a dustbin with his child (whom he obviously loved to bits) and obviously he didn't want to do it. There are other reports where parents have FEARED that they might smother their children.

''My God I think I might want to hurt my child''

Fear... there is love in the statement that surpasses the thought of actually doing harm to the child that they're so scared of hurting. ''How could I think such a thing'' then comes into it... how could you think such a thing? Its because you don't want to... Contradiction in terms, being afraid of doing harm means that you are having a moral conflict and don't even want to think about it.

What I think, and I'm always sure to state that this is all my OPINION. Is that you should continue seeing your doctors, all of them and prehaps find someone that can guide you spiritually as well as emotionally... acupuncture to relive the anxiety, massages, chakra cleansing they all help. Too many psycyatrists (what ever the label) focus on looking into a persons past way too much.

Its all about the present.

Thats my two tuppence, as we say in ye olde blighty.

Yeah I'm Jamaican but theres nothing wrong with a 'ickle mix an' blen'.

Peace!


[edit on 10-4-2005 by An Entity]

It's good that your still disgusted becuase that means you still have your moral self intact... and I am sad to admit that I have had times when i have had to force myself from not hurting a pet because I had one of the same urges as you.... Who are you talking about as your guide, one of the horses i have worked with for the past 2 years is my guide. Guides are solid hold you in place if you don't have one things can get dangerous. like those urges you have could become more than that. When I was a child I would have dreams of my guide like he protected me from going into the places in my dreams that could cause me harm. When I met him 2 years ago I knew I found my guide.. is that what your talking about as far as a guide is concerned because if it is like my guide i would listen good and hard to any advise he would offer.