Depression sinks inside me.... Please Read!

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posted on Apr, 5 2005 @ 02:03 PM
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Just to echo once again what many before me have said....In reading your posts, I can pick up on the fact that you're much like I was at that age....

You're focused on discovering yourself, life and the interwoven fabric of everything in between....Your focus is less on your surroundings, and more on your persona(s)....You see your friends and those you would classify as "anything but" being corrupted by outside influences and cheap thrills.....

I viewed things the same way then, and much the same now....The only difference is, I've had a few extra years to answer some questions, to put a few on the back-burner, and to handle some of those "real-life" experiences that simply come with getting older....

You're fine man....you're anger is to be expected, but should be easily controlled when you step away from the big picture and learn to appreciate the finer things in life....

When you get upset over things you can't control, remember that you always have yourself and your talents to make the most of.....



[edit on 4/5/2005 by EnronOutrunHomerun]




posted on Apr, 5 2005 @ 04:45 PM
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Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy
I do not know of the appropriate forum to post this in, but I need to let something off my chest, and I feel like maybe someone on this web site can understand me...


Good thread! I have lots of things to say on this, as I am in a similar situation...


I would describe myself as an esoteric intellectual individual that is isolated from our society’s mainstream social culture’s trends, music, television programs , and any other methods that are used to manipulate and dilute the over all masses IQ


Me too. Unfortunately.


and ability to reason for themselves. I feel like people need to rely on more empirical methods of reasoning that support a given hypothesis, than choosing to believe what others tell them as actual fact. You could call me a philosophical idealist , an open minded individual.


You can't change the world. You must understand people have very different levels of perception.

Personally, I am disappointed by the non rationalization of the world. 99% of people believe in fairy tales, religions and their horoscope.


I am a Christian and follow the word of God.


Now you just make me sad...don't be fooled by religion. No one has ever seen anything metaphysical in our world. People are just damn hypocrites , and they say anything to support their flawed views. Don't believe in any God, take the responsibility of doing the right thing on your shoulders.

The best tool to use in interpreting 'reality' is logic (of the pure mathematical kind). And logic tells us this: If there was really God, would he let his children be divided up to opposing religions? certainly not.


I like platonic ideas, and I love to read about theoretical physics, biology and other intellectual stimulating books, and articles. Yes I may sound like a “nerd” or a so called “geek”, but give me whatever labels your ignorant society conditioned you to give to others, and follow the norm of society, because it is ineffective to me.


It's really difficult when you don't have someone to share your interests with.


I am a very creative person, and I feel like I am isolated from this world because I do not fit in with people nor my peers. I feel like most of my peers do not understand me intellectually, or emotionally. I am only 17 and I feel so out of place at times..


I am 32, and I never felt I fit anywhere. It's the same everywhere I go.


I do not have the same interest as my peers, and I am starting to really hate what is in this world, and of its ignorance.


You or I are not less ignorant than the others, though. One of the most wise sayings is that 'no matter how old, I still learn'


You can not understand how depressed and angry people make me. I hate how the masses are so easily manipulated and blinded by their own ignorance.


The sad thing is that people just don't think for themselves. They only care about having a good time, and that's about it. 99% of their actions revolve around their personal satisfaction.


I dislike pompous female entities who think of themselves as superior , to other human individuals.


Hi hi hi...we have a secretary in the place that I work just like that. No, actually we have two: one is a secretary, and one is in the sales department. Their behaviour goes like this: in order to talk to you, you have to talk to them first. If you don't kiss up to them (like everyone else does), they simply ignore you as if you don't exist. They don't even say 'good morning' when you meet them for the first time in the morning, unless you say it first.


Or just because you receive exceptional attention from the opposite sex that does not give you the right to spit on those you may deem as “lesser individuals”.


It's not only their fault, though. We, men, only pay attention to their good looks.

I once was a regular at allegro.cc, and in one topic I dared say the exact same thing. They jumped on me, all of them, as if I was a criminal!


I believe you should treat everyone with tranquility and love.
Treat everyone as your equal, with respect


...and then watch everyone else step on you, backstab you at the right moment, do everything they can to demoralize you, while they play friends...


I hate how the media dumbs everything down...


Look, the situation goes like this: a very small group of people (around 1%) worldwide have 90% of wealth. These people control the world, and the media. It is in their interest to keep the system as it is, so as that the money flow is kept as it is right now. We, the stupid ignorant sheep continue to be happy with the nice shiny bone they throw at us, while they can't sleep from too much sex, food, coke and partying.


I dislike test, it seems like I have a test almost everyday! What is the significance of taking a test... I can understand some of the major significance of test, but they irritate me.


I couldn't agree more with you. Tests are stupid. A person with good memory can pass all the tests. Tests do not capture the greatness of oneself.


Some of my peers around me are self centered and have no concern of the outside world, but all they care about (could be my biased opinion) are sex, partying, getting drunk, and doing nonintellectual stimulating things.


Aha, I said that earlier. You see, it's not only you that things that.

The fact is that 99.9% of people think with their penis and vagina...


What is driving me mad is my emotions.


You shouldn't blame yourself. It's a classic mistake. It's the others' fault. The blame is entirely on the #ty people we find around us. Well, not entirely: it is actually the system that is at fault.


I have no plans of suicide


Suicide is for cowards. My cousin jumped off the local Hilton Hotel 3 years ago...what good did that do to him? nothing. It just brought depression and psychological problems to the people that loved (or thought they loved) him.

A suicide is a terrible revenge, especially on parents. No matter what parents have done to you, they don't reserve that blow. Suicide is a nuclear weapon, it should only be used as a threat toy.


What drives this sort of mental madness riddling inside the brain to grow and reproduce inside my soul? What mysteries does this sickness have hidden locked deep inside its chambers? What does one do to unlock this unspoken enigma and it's barbarous bloodthirsty disease that sucks tranquility right out of the souls it seeks?


The only cure is to ...stop thinking. That's right, what you're experiencing is the depression of the person that has a deep analytical capability and always tries to find the hidden meaning behind things.

If you stop thinking, you will be cured. By stop thinking, I mean you should act spontaneously. When instincts kick back in, you will feel wonderfully again, be perceived as an asshole, and then the women will love you.

On the other hand, if you can't stop thinking, then don't do anything: just do your stuff, and let it be. Time is the best cure...time cures everything. And sometimes life is strange: at the worst moment in your life, the best thing may occur. We don't know what's ahead for us, and that's exciting by itself.



posted on Apr, 5 2005 @ 04:57 PM
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Originally posted by masterp

What is driving me mad is my emotions.


You shouldn't blame yourself. It's a classic mistake. It's the others' fault. The blame is entirely on the #ty people we find around us. Well, not entirely: it is actually the system that is at fault.


As to the rest of your paranoid ramblings, whatever.

This is totally WRONG. Everyone is responsible for themselves and that includes how we let people affect us. People can be jerks but it is up to the individual to either let their activity bother us or not.



posted on Apr, 5 2005 @ 08:37 PM
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I agree with intreped. You need to pull your head out the gutter and realize that you created the mess you are in. You can easily get out of it. You just need to work on a plan.



posted on Apr, 5 2005 @ 09:20 PM
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once again, noone is here anymore, but LiquidationOfDiscrepancy, i understand how you feel, i felt that way, until i fell in love. u2u me if you need help or advice or someone to talk to



posted on Apr, 5 2005 @ 10:25 PM
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Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy
I would describe myself as an esoteric intellectual individual that is isolated from our society’s mainstream social culture’s trends, music, television programs , and any other methods that are used to manipulate and dilute the over all masses IQ, and ability to reason for themselves. I feel like people need to rely on more empirical methods of reasoning that support a given hypothesis, than choosing to believe what others tell them as actual fact. You could call me a philosophical idealist , an open minded individual.


You've just described 45% of students in high-school. The other 45% are either those that you call "Conformists", or people who are trying to "conform". The other 10% are people who have learned to get past this, and that it's just high-school. As hard as it might be to accept, you're probably not any more special or enlightened than any of the other kids. What you're going through is completely normal and average. I'm in high-school too. I just turned 18, and I don't really fit in anywhere. I have plenty of friends because I'm friends with whoever I want to be friends with. I'm friends with the popular kids, and friends with the unpopular kids. I went through the same thing around 14-16. I learned that I was discriminating against these people in the same way that I felt they were discriminating against me. Labeling them all as "conformists" or "Stupid jocks" really doesn't help very much. This is just the way they've chosen, just as you have chosen your way. I seriously don't mean to sound offensive here, (If you knew me you would know it's not my style), but you just need to lighten up a little bit. Take everything in stride, it's all in good fun. The place to be depressed is when you get out into the real world, struggling to survive. So be happy while you're in highschool. Not to be offensive, but I wouldn't take the advice of the "indigo children". While I try to respect their opinions, all it will lead to is you further separating yourself from everyone else which will worsen your condition. I'm pretty sure the thing with indigo children is that they believe they are some other type of person, and that they're enlightened or something. You just need to humble yourself a little, and while remaining confident, not set yourself above or apart from other people. They're humans just like you, smart or dumb! I mean I understand that there are a lot of stupid people in high-school, but it's not as bad as you think! They'll grow out of it!


Also remember that there is a difference in intelligence, and just having 'different' opinions. Those 'different' opinions are in no way more intelligent of that of the mainstream. (Unless of course the mainstream opinion is based off of nothing).

[edit on 5-4-2005 by Herman]



posted on Apr, 23 2005 @ 03:49 PM
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Thanks guys for your help. I would love to read more post if you wish to post on this thread.



posted on Apr, 25 2005 @ 02:23 AM
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you say you are 17, which would make you either a junior or senior in high school. High School is rough. The goal is to go onto college and everyone is accepting in college. There is no reason to be depressed because a large group of 17-18 year olds deem you as socially unacceptable because you are smart, dress wierd, or are into different things than they are. There is no way for me to explain in words why you shouldn't be depressed about something of this nature. Listen, high school students are arrogant jerks, you have to move past it. If they try to show you up by calling you names retort right back at them. Instead of insulting them for what they wear or something like that, insult them using intelligence. I mean, show them what is wrong with them and why it is wrong. Make fun of them for taking the time out of their day to make fun of you, someone they claim to be some lower form of a human. If you are so much worse than them, why are they taking the time to make fun of you? The answer is because they are threatened. The tests are just something you are gonna have to live with until you graduate from college. Just stay in there, life has a way of redeeming those who should be redeemed, and hurting those who should be. It always happens, people just may not have their eyes open to it. Trust in the lord, for he will provide!



posted on Apr, 27 2005 @ 01:54 AM
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As people have pointed out, try not to think of yourself as different, just because you refuse to conform, and are at a different level of awareness than other people.

Your biggest frustrations are sure to be what you call 'female entities'. Try not using that one in conversation. You are at THE age where girls your age will not look at you, what is so hard to accept?

You just have an isolationist viewpoint right now, where before you even ask a question, you know what the answer will be.

Start to think about whether you want to live in society with a mask, or outside society. And then ask yourself, what does it really take to live a positive life without a mask?



posted on May, 14 2005 @ 10:31 PM
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I hope I can find a nice female entity to talk to here, that shares my interests.



posted on May, 14 2005 @ 10:33 PM
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eh, dunno if it'll help but listen to Tool - Parabola


We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment,
We are choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside
This holy reality, this holy experience.
Choosing to be here in

This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am
not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.


Alive, I

In this holy reality, in this holy experience. Choosing to be
here in


This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am
not alone in
This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal
All this pain is an illusion.

Twirling round with this familiar parable.
Spinning, weaving round each new experience.
Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be
alive and breathing.


This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality.
Embrace this moment. Remember. we are eternal.
all this pain is an illusion.



posted on May, 14 2005 @ 10:39 PM
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Thank you Lysergic, music makes me feel connected with so many different emotions.



posted on May, 16 2005 @ 05:58 AM
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if you liked that song and are interested here are a few more songs worth looking into by Tool

The Patient

A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.

But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here.

Wait it out,
Gonna wait it out,
Be patient (wait it out).

If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.

If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away by now.

And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.

Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.

And if there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may.

Gonna wait it out

Reflection

I have come curiously close to the end, down
Beneath my self-indulgent pitiful hole,
Defeated, I concede and
Move closer
I may find comfort here
I may find peace within the emptiness
How pitiful

It's calling me...

And in my darkest moment, fetal and weeping
The moon tells me a secret - my confidant
As full and bright as I am
This light is not my own and
A million light reflections pass over me

Its source is bright and endless
She resuscitates the hopeless
Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting

And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt
Don't wanna be down here feeding my narcissism.
I must crucify the ego before it's far too late
I pray the light lifts me out
Before I pine away.

So crucify the ego, before it's far too late
To leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical,
And you will come to find that we are all one mind
Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable.
Just let the light touch you
And let the words spill through
And let them pass right through
Bringing out our hope and reason ...
before we pine away.

The Grudge

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity.
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate.
Desperate to control all and everything.
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen.

Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Justify denials and grip 'em to the lonesome end.
Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Terrified of being wrong. Ultimatum prison cell.

Saturn ascends, choose one or ten. Hang on or be humbled again.

Clutch it like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Justify denials and grip 'em to the lonesome end.
Saturn ascends, comes round again.
Saturn ascends, the one, the ten. Ignorant to the damage done.

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity.
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate.
Desperate to control all and everything.
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen.

Wear the grudge like a crown. Desperate to control.
Unable to forgive. And we're sinking deeper.

Defining, confining, controlling, and we're sinking deeper.

Saturn comes back around to show you everything
Let's you choose what you will not see and then
Drags you down like a stone or lifts you up again
Spits you out like a child, light and innocent.

Saturn comes back around. Lifts you up like a child or
Drags you down like a stone
To consume you till you choose to let this go.

Give away the stone.
Let the oceans take and transmutate this cold and fated anchor.
Give away the stone.
Let the waters kiss and transmutate these leaden grudges into gold.
Let go.

=================================================

Also if you can't find the songs, u2u me, I can help you out there. (winks)

[edit on 16-5-2005 by Lysergic]



posted on May, 24 2005 @ 12:52 AM
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Wow, you amaze me! Reading your posts I think you are awesome. I understand your concerns very much. I don't fit in with this society either, but I don't even want to. I think there isn't worse then being ordinary and called dumb. I like to be called weird though
You are way above me (in intelligence) I guess.
I think it is wonderful that you want to learn and read as much as you can. People like you will make a difference in this world!
What do you want to major in, just currious?



posted on Aug, 3 2005 @ 09:53 PM
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I am interested in majoring in Physics, Math, Biology, & psychology.



posted on Aug, 4 2005 @ 02:24 AM
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uhm, small point here, don't call a woman an entity, she just might hit you with one


Seriously though, you mentioned very early in the thread about pretty girls... take it from me, looks fade. Look for whats inside, thats all that matters. I know what happens to the pretty faces and when time and reality set in, they are the ones who get lost in deperession.

As for not fitting in, all of my friends bored the crap out of me, I used to want to hang around with my older brother and his friends (you know that ain't hapinen) since they seemed more on the level I would be comfortable with. In time, you will connect with like minded souls, either through music, work, or whatever recreational hobby you partake in. Look at it this way, some of your old friends will catch up to you in your emotional maturity.

As for school, you'll find that sometimes self teaching will teach you more than any teacher ever could (only as smart as your teacher type of thing)
and there is nothing like learning first hand (especially lessons, you never make the same mistake twice)

Suicide hits home with me, I just buried a stepson in March, 37 yr old, left a wife and 3 kids. Wife wanted him out and he saw it all as being over. I'll tell you what helped me in more ways than you could imagine, and I'll tell you exactly like I tell everyone...
When you stumble into that pit of despair,
and the situation is so hopeless nothing you can do will ever change it,
When you cry out in anguish "Oh Lord, I don't know what to pray for"
I prayed for calm.

If you just have Faith in God, he will answer your prayer and it will change you forever. You will feel like you've been touched by the hand of God and trust me, its like a fast track to belief. Understand that I was a believer before that prayer, after its like my eyes were open. I no longer had that blind Faith, I KNOW. I won't even describe it here, you will know without a doubt though. Its such a simple prayer and it gets answered as soon as you think it (it was a silent prayer and I was alone)
If you ever feel despondent or like you want to just strike out at a wall or something, don't break your knuckles, break your bonds and seek the Lord. He won't let you down, count on that! Pray for calm.

I'm glad that others here were of help to you, truth be known any on-line community is extended family. Don't let us down. And don't sweat the small stuff, you'll find that that prayer will also change the way you think. It gave me compassion and understanding, forgiveness, and most importantly a clarity of thought. You'll know it when it happens, trust me.

At any rate, last thing I want to say is to share some wisdom... only good high is a natural one, thats the one you don't come down from. Don't seek to drown your problems in beer (liquid courage) or drugs, that would only change the person you are and trust me, the world needs individuals.

Good Luck
and God Bless!



posted on Jun, 20 2007 @ 12:02 AM
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I don't know if anyone posts on this thread anymore, but I feel like i could really relate to it. I didn't exactly read the whole thing but i read most of it. Going back to the original idea of indigo children, I think that I may be one but am totally not sure. I've had a lot of the same experience as described. I always felt like I knew more than I was should have (except when it comes to spelling) but I never knew why. I also have to agree that I hate the school system, half the stuff they teach and test us on it completely useless. Also, i'm in what my school call "advanced placement" classes and your right; it's the exact same as normal classes, but more work. It frustrats me.

Anyways, I noticed that on one of the postings you mentioned dreams that you have had and I would like to know more. You see I have very strange dreams sometimes, kind of like ones that you've memtioned except I think most of mine are warnings.

If I get a reply on this I'll tell you more, but for now I'd rather not spend time trying to explain them, especially if no one posts on this thread anymore.

Hope someone gets this,
Devla



posted on Jun, 20 2007 @ 06:13 AM
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If you were that far ahead of your peers you would have found a way to skip grades or speed through your grades. You've got 11 year olds going to college and you're yapping about how you're super advanced because you find AP Badminton too easy?

I take it you're a perfect 4.0 student, as well. Correct?

Give me a break.

This thread annoyed me when it was made 2 years ago and it still annoys me today.

If you were that damn advanced, you would have done something with your life already.

If you've done no more with your life than other people your age (getting the highest grade on a test does not count), on what grounds can you possibly believe you "know more than you should?"



[edit on 6-20-2007 by Cutwolf]



posted on Jun, 20 2007 @ 12:05 PM
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first of all, that was rude.
second, I have done things that most people couldn't do.
Third, I was writing to the person who started this thread, but thanks for your help. (not)


With love,
Devla



posted on Jun, 20 2007 @ 01:54 PM
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Elaborate, please.

(And no, balancing a spoon on your nose does not count)

[edit on 6-20-2007 by Cutwolf]





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