Depression sinks inside me.... Please Read!

Originally posted by dAlen
Everyone is unique and must find their own road to their true self.
But be encouraged that peace is there and waiting to be discovered under the minds noise.

As someone else alluded to, you are not alone, we all go through our personal hell, so to speak, before coming out of the storm.

Something that has helped me over the years, is teachings from Eckhart Tolle.
(Its not based on any religion per se, and is not a sect.)

The teachings are pretty universal, and again, for my wife and myself, it has been instrumental in the cultivation of peace in our lives.

Someone mentioned not to listen to hard rock.
There is something to this. The phrase, garbage in garbage out tends to apply most of the time.
Watch your thoughts, as negativity breeds negativity...and you do have a choice in what you think.
(you are not your mind)

Anyway, here is the link:
www.eckharttolle.com...

I have found that listening to the audio books are potentially more beneficial then reading.
Again, it goes to what you program your mind with.
You are more likely to relisten to something then to keep re-reading something.
(Plus it has a nice calming effect. His voice is cool)

Gods peace to you

dAlen

Thank you so much, I will try this out

Originally posted by mrwupy
I'd reccommend you check out the Indigo Children sites. They seem to abound and many describe the exact same thing you have. You may just find your soul mates there.

Start at www.metagifted.org and join the Yahoo chat group listed there.(Don't tell them you're 17, say your 18) I'm sure you will find many who can help you allot better than the compiricy psycho's you'll find on this site, psycho's like myself

Good luck my friend,

Wupy

P.S. Oh yea, whatever you do, don't run out and shoot up your school. I'm still freakin' that Weise was on here.

(edited for spelling)

[edit on 27-3-2005 by mrwupy]

Thank you Wupy, as of right now I am not sure what Indigo Children are, or how to become one, but they really describe me a lot, if you have any more information for me, that would be very helpful, and again thank you.

Originally posted by intrepid

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy
It's very funny how those who seek help, get ignored.

Not ignored friend, sometimes people just don't know what to say. I will point out that in my teen years I was very angry myself.

I am very glad I am NOT the only one to suffer from this sort of calamity

Some of the coolest people I know are called geeks!
Stop dwelling on the negative aspects of your life and start enjoying your "uniqueness".
I'm glad you believe in treating everyone as your equal. I believe in doing that too. You have a heart and sometimes seeing the world the way it is can be painful and dissappointing for someone so sensitive.
I understand that, but you can't let the negativity of the world affect you so much that you turn bitter.
I was kinda "dorky" myself in school and had few friends. I was artistic and loved reading all the time. I felt that "invisibility" you talk about. I certainly was'nt Miss popularity either. Lots of cruel kids around back then too, just like now.
But high school will not last forever. You will get out of there and it will just be a memory one day.
I would'nt go back to highschool for anything, it was an awkward, trying time for me.
Try to concentrate on your future goals for now and what you want to accomplish in your life. You sound so smart!

Best wishes,
Elaine

Originally posted by Klepto

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy
I am a very creative person, and I feel like I am isolated from this world because I do not fit in with people nor my peers.

to be honest this is totally normal, I don't fit in with the people around me either, but who wants to blend in? Surely it's better to go noticed than unoticed. Thats how I look at it.

You can not understand how depressed and angry people make me. I hate how the masses are so easily manipulated and blinded by their own ignorance. I dislike pompous female entities who think of themselves as superior , to other human individuals.

Plenty more fish in the sea mate..

I dislike test, it seems like I have a test almost everyday! What is the significance of taking a test... I can understand some of the major significance of test, but they irritate me.

test? what test are you talking about?

Some of my peers around me are self centered and have no concern of the outside world, but all they care about (could be my biased opinion) are sex, partying, getting drunk, and doing nonintellectual stimulating things... I am wondering if these feelings are felt by many or a select few..

Sounds like you just need to meet more people who share the same interests as you. You said your a Christian.. go to meet others like you. You seem like an intelligent person, join a chess club. Do something that will help you feel more comfortable which is best done by people who are on the same wavelength as you.

Klep.

"Plenty more fish in the sea mate.." that is funny

test? what test are you talking about?" Insignificant test... it's ignorant test that teachers give to see if students learned what they have taught that week. As well as over various test that the school administration gives.

-and thanks for your help as well

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy
I am a very creative person, and I feel like I am isolated from this world because I do not fit in with people nor my peers.[edit on 063131p://000 by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy]

This is a good thing IMHO. Celebrate it!!

Too many ppl are killing themselves to fit in. That is what causes the sheeple mentality. That's what causes ppl to keep quite and not speak out.
The fear of not fitting in. This is what the powers that be want.
They don't need to throw ppl in jail for speaking their mind as long as they can do it by creating the fear of being an outsider.
Our modern society doesn't like creativity. They want robots who just do as told and consider their slavery as normality.
Creative ppl are a threat to the status quo.
And the sheeple themselves perpetuate this just like they're taught.
Good little sheeple.

If ppl don't like you because of who you are they're not worth knowing.
Be different! Be strange! Be crazy! Be strong!
But most of all be yourself and don't suppress your true self for the sake of society.

Originally posted by BSB2005
And also remeber that if you educated yourself and try to change things you can. Just don't ask me how. If you figure it's a physichal problem not a emotional problem, then see a doctor and only take it for a while and nothing addictive.

Good Luck!

Yes I have a lot of very strange dreams that i can not explain.. and I remember these dreams in great detail... even years after dreaming them, maybe I should write them down, and I think I will... maybe soon I'll post some of my dreams and maybe someone can define them

& the sickness that plagues me is only a mental disease of depression, not in a physical manner thankfully, and I pray for it to stay that way, and for my depression to heal. I may be bipolar... I have no clue.. That's something I need to check into, and thanks for your help my friend

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy
Insignificant test... it's ignorant test that teachers give to see if students learned what they have taught that week. As well as over various test that the school administration gives.

Thats Beauracracy for you though... just got to play the game for now, grin and bear it.. the exams will be over before you know it and you'll forget all about them.

-and thanks for your help as well

your welcome L.O.D.

[edit on 27/3/05 by Klepto]

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy
Thank you Wupy, as of right now I am not sure what Indigo Children are, or how to become one, but they really describe me a lot, if you have any more information for me, that would be very helpful, and again thank you.

An Indigo Child is not something you become, it's something your born unto. Either you were born as such or you are not. From your descriptions it sounds to me like you were.

Just check them out and you will find many people who are as you are.

Indigo children are not here to change the world, they ARE the change that is occurring in the world.

As for the hate and rage, all I can tell you is that hate is a poison to the soul of the person that is doing the hating. I refuse to let it be a part of me, I won't even say the word if I can avoid it. The rage will pass in time, it's just difficult to deal with when you're young. You WILL out grow it.

Your letter tonight gives me hope. Hope that people such as ourselves can find each other in a world gone mad. I salute you.

Love and light,

Wupy

Originally posted by tjack
Sounds like you've crossed the line into grown-up at some point. Its a good thing, just inconvenient when you're surrounded by children. Don't be depressed that you have the ability to see where "the ignorant masses" are straying. Indeed you have a gift that separates you from the herd. 17 is a tough time, but you're real close to the point where social status means a whole heck of a lot less. That social structure which enrages you now becomes null and void here in a year or two.
Your description of your feelings and situation describes exactly how I felt at your age. In fact I still feel like an ousider looking in when in comes to society, but now I cherish the notion. Something about herd mentality just gets my dander up, and I don't want any part of it. It's tough living among the herd.

I agree with you 100% You are starting to make me feel better about myself. I do NOT have to let go of my achievements, morals, and underachieve just to fit in with the norm of society. Heck Now I don’t even want to be apart of these so called lost blind sheep, that get manipulated like puppets on a string… I see who the puppet masters are, others are just the puppets themselves obeying orders like a good little sheep… sleeping in their ignorant insecurity
So thank you for opening up my eyes

Originally posted by SilverStar
Well, I can't say I understand you completely my brother, no one can really "fully understand" another person and what goes on inside of them even if you've know them for years. BUT, I do understand your frustration and anger.

Many of the things you mention I have experienced in the fullest. Including the several instances you mentioned involving feeling disregarded.

In my experience, as far as being disregarded goes, and I am just a mere 20 years old, I have had the privledge of being all around the social spectrum. I've felt what its like to go from being somewhat dorky I guess in middle school to early high school, to being one of the most popular kids on the whole campus, especially with the females and I could kick the ass of most of the male competition lol, when I was a junior and senior. I know what it feels like to be misunderstood and even socially abused. It hurts and it sucks and its so f-ing unfair. I have been thrown away before.

But once that changed for me I never forgot what its like to be neglected or seen as "an outsider", or "not good looking enough" etc. And I never ever pushed anyone down like that and to this day it breaks my heart to see this kind of thing inflicted on a kid who's just as valuable and maybe more so than the jocks and brainless beauties that basically run a high school.

I feel you man. But know this, alot of those kids are gonna call you boss someday. Kindof pisses me off typing this and thinking about it, but everything will be fine someday and you'll be happy again. I promise.

Especially if you go to college, theres every imaginable kind of person there and you will be suprised when you find a group of people you fit right into.


Best of luck in everything you do.




EDIT: Couple ErrOrz, btw, someone above mentioned not listening to much heavy (emotionally heavy that is) music. Trust me it amplifies sadness and depression, but I also assume you know this already.




[edit on 27-3-2005 by SilverStar]

Your letter gave me a great sense of hope, earlier tonight, I felt like letting go, and I was ready to literally explode ... I had all this bitterness against the world locked up inside me for a long time, I am trying to slowly let that go, but i'm not sure if I ever will. I see the world as it is, and I hate what I see, I think we all do. Least us. Instead of hating what we see, we need to change what we see, and we ARE doing that right now. See you, and all these other people that replied to my post have HELPED out an individual greatly, in more ways than you can imagine. If I ever feel troubled again, I guess the best thing would be for me to post my emotions. I'd NEVER want to harm anyone, and I feel like if I ever got to the breaking point Like I did tonight, the best thing to do would be to pray, and write how I felt... and I'm so glad SOMEONE cares... I don't want to be all lovy duvy here... but you do not know what this did for me.... I thank every single one of you.. and I hold you all dear to my heart... if in anyway I could ever help you guys out I WOULD Sometimes when I get angry like that, i'm afriad I won't be able to control my emotions, and I am really unsure what I'd do...

Well good, one thing I try to do when I face a crappy situation, like my steadily worsening alcoholism, I try to think of others out there who face my same situation. You are never really alone.

You will be just fine my friend.

Elaine it saddens me to read that you were emotionally abused by society and other peers... It saddens me that someone could do that to such a sweet person. I will stop or at least try... to stop dwelling on all the negativity in this world, and focus on my uniqueness.. and thank you for your kind words.. and ANOK I agree with you 100%

I hope to hear from all of you again, and happy posting

Be happy, and realize YOU are COOL in a Non-sterotypical way, and your gifted like me in that you can see BS, where ppl just see $. JUST REMEBER BE YOURSELF, PRAY TO A "GOD"YOU KNOW YOU CAN TRUST, AND TRY TO HAVE FUN BEING WHO YOU ARE, AND EXPRESS YOURSELF. If not go look for funny pictures of the Backstreet Boys in their early days on the internet. Those pics are something worth worrying about. Plus, their like Homer Simpson funny. Okay, and please take care of yourself no more Weise/freethinker stuff, losing one longtime viewer/member in a month is enough to make me even more edgey. And I was reading his thoughts b4 I became a memeber and he was a viewer too, ya' know.

If not, post me to send you some of their funny quotes maybe that can at least make you feel a little better.

All I can say is that you have your entire life to live yet. You have alot to look forward to. Dont let other people dictate you. They dont control you unless you let them.

I to know what you are going through. I am 18 and I also went from one end of the spectrum to the other. I can tell you this though. When I was depressed and on the low end I was doing stupid things to myself. Depression is a sickness, but you can get rid of it. Trust me I did. I learned that you live your life for you. If people dont understand you then # them. They dont know what they are missing. Things will get better if you really want them to.

And as far as society goes, yes it has alot of problems, but there is a hell of alot of good out there too. Dont focus on just the bad.

I hope this helps you my friend. Keep looking up.

LiquidationOfDiscrepancy, I know exactly where you are as I was there not to long ago. It’s important to remember that nothing is static, everything will and does change. Your views on this world today might, and probably will, be different in the future. The world is a dynamic place and it’s important to keep your mind open and adapt to these changes to move on successfully. Remember, everybody has their strengths and weaknesses in this life. While you may feel that nobody quite understands you and that most of the time you are alone in this struggle, believe me you are not. Those people that you view as conformists that are popular at your school have their hidden fears as well, that you can be sure of. It’s important to not get an almost narcissistic view of yourself. I actually had this problem because I couldn’t understand why these “popular” people around me just conformed and didn’t share the same concerns that I had. You need to realize though, that we are all on this planet together and each one of us needs to find our own way. You are no better than those people, just as they are no better than you. Celebrate your strengths and work on your weaknesses and don’t shut any body out just because they seem foreign to your beliefs. Keep your eyes and mind open as you will learn a lot and benefit from those that are different. Finally remember, depression is a condition that can be debilitating but it will pass. When depression sets in, life can be overwhelming, difficult and seem worthless. When times are good though, they can be absolutely wonderful and it’s at these moments that you realize what life is all about. Don’t dwell on the negatives but live for the good times, learn from the bad times and don’t fight the current, just ride this wave.

I've gotta say, I've only read maybe 75% of this thread at this point, but what you have said screams out at me.

17 years ago I was in a very VERY similar emotional state as you. It is very frustrating when you are, as I used to say, "surrounded by idiots". It always felt to me that I was much smarter, and had a better handle on things then those around me. Their concerns were wholly selfish.

17 years ago, I didn't have the benefits of technology that are available to you today. You are lucky for that. What I had to do was find a way to channel that anger. Being a creative soul, I used a number of different outlets. An old typewritter, canvas and paint, hell, even modeling clay once.

It's hard to describe to most people the way I felt when I was writting or painting. Maybe you can relate. I felt frantic, manic, obsessed. My mind would race, analyzing every detail of the work I was currently working on. I became supremely focused. Shut out everything else except for what I was working on.

Those creative moments were some of the best moments of my teenage years. After I had finished a painting or a story, everything would just rush out of me. I had put it all into the piece.

Granted some of my paintings and writting were extremely dark, and some might say disturbing. All of those ugly feelings I had were gone. They were on the canvas, or the paper.

I noticed in your first post, that you have a gift with words. Do something with that. Don't let that go. What's really neat about ATS is that there is a place here to share those writtings, should you decide to do so.

But then again these are just the rantings of an old man who has been there, and survived it.

BTW, I still from time to time find myself sitting down to write something, or paint something, and when I am finished it's about 4AM. Lost all track of time, but I can finally sleep.

I dunno I may be totally wrong here but this just seems a little fishy to me. ATS being associated with this whole Weiss mess then to see this post just strikes me as peculiar.

Well I don't think so, there are lots of people who need and will seek advice and just someone to talk to, even if its someone over the internet whom they have never met.

Like LoD, said, it's nice to know someone cares about you and will actually sit and take time to read what you wrote and try to formulate a response in order to help you/ease your pain. Knowing that someone is actually spending a resource (our time), no matter how trivial, just for the sole purpose of aiding you, can be a very powerful and meaningful thing for a person in need. I know.

I have actually broken down and cried during some of my really bad times when someone has displayed an interest in my feelings, and it seemed I was all alone inside my head. Anyway, it's a good thing he's talking with his fingers on a keyboard instead of talking with a fourty-five and a pocket full of shells.

Edit: erorz

[edit on 27-3-2005 by SilverStar]

Originally posted by LiquidationOfDiscrepancy
It's very funny how those who seek help, get ignored.

I agree with this one, we say were so advanced and growing but in reality all anyone hear's is let's throw someone a pity party. Everyone has problems, and like problems it's freedom of speech. No one should be targeted because they have something that's getting them down. If people were more open with how they feel, the country and the world would be a better place. Don't worry topic poster, things will be ok, my heart is with you. I feel sad sometimes to, don't fret, there's always people that are the same reflection.