For part four: www.belowtopsecret.com...
Witness #4 - A familiar face......
Jim Bakker swears on the bible (god onluy knows why this jerk isnt in an orange jumpsuit).......
Prosocuting Attorney: "How are you today, Jim? The New Jim Bakker Show...how is it doing?"
Jim Bakker: "I am ok I guess. Other than the fact that I got caught in that whole extorting millions of dollars out of the foolish thingy
majig...but the New Jim Bakker Show is doing good, thanks."
Prosocuting Attorney: "Yeah, that old chestnut. At least you only served about 5 out years out of your 45 year sentence. Tell me Jim, how were you
living in the mid 1980's?"
Jim Baker: "Very well. I was having homosexual sex frivolously. Also, I was doing just about every secretary I could get my hands on. Oh, I was
living good. You know, I owe my lifestyle at the time to the wonderful donations that christians made in gods name."
Prosocuting Attorney: "Yes, I am sure you do. How much money was it that you managed to take from the donations given to your organizations?"
Jim Bakker: "Approximately 158 million dollars."
(restless audience in courtroom)
Prosocuting Attorney: "ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS??????????? HOLY GUACAMOLI!!!!!
Judge: "ORDER IN THE COURT. Get ahold of yourself man...."
(judge begins to clean up wet area under his seat after peeing his pants when hearing about all that money, also, several members of the audience and
juries have to do this as well, along with the few that actually threw up)
Proscuting Attorney: "I am sorry your honor. Jim, how exactly did you obtain this money?"
Jim Bakker: "Well we skimmed it. Its a long process. Basically we told these foolish freeking IDIOTS to give us their money for their god. Like
all foolish idiots, they did without question. Just like they do every sunday at church you see? In any case, they gave it to us, well me and Tamy
Faye....well and indirectly those who I had to pay off to keep it a secret. We just pretended to do good stuff with it. Really cool stuff. I even
opened this amusement park...and had all these christians come to it. Wow...(chuckles), we sure fooled all those bafoons."
Prosocuting Attorney: "Yes, you did. Well, what exaclt were the types of things you spent it on?"
Jim Bakker: "We spent it on an air conditioned doghouse, gold plated bathroom accessories, a mansion, nice cars, prostotutes, geez I just cant
Prosocuting Attorney: "Thats OK. How did you end up getting caught?"
Jim Bakker: "Well, fisrt this secretary I was bamboozling started to let the word out. I tried to give her 250 grand, but it was too late. So, by
that time the entire world was catching on because of that darned Jessica Hahn. Investigations started to arise. With that being said, a whole heck
of a lot of pressure was put on the rest of the evangelist community to batten down the hatches. I am sure that you would be a millionaire today if
you had invested in paper shredders, lets just put it that way. Jerry Falwell, who you all know is SUCH AN UPSTANDING citizen these days was on my
case bad as well as the FBI and such. My own people sold me out in an effort to cover up their own crap."
Prosocuting Attorney: "I see. How is it that you convinced these people to give you all of that money?"
Jim Bakker: "Well you see, we convinced them that they were all sheep. We convinced them to follow without question. Its so easy with that type of
person. They just don't care enough to check into anything. The blindly follow. Admittedly at that. They are just complete morons. So, it was
easy to trick them into giving me all of their hard earned money."
Prosocuting Attorney: "I mentioned earlier, The New Jim Bakker Show, what is that?"
Jim Bakker: "Oh, that? It is my new christian television show."
Prosocuting Attorney: "I see, do people watch it?"
Jim Bakker: "Well, the numbers are not nearly what they were before, but they are rising. We even get monetary donations!"
Prosocuting Attorney: "So, your new show, people actually watch it and give you money?"
Jim Baker: "Yes."
(Gasps heard throughout courtroom)
Prosocuting Attorney: (visually shaken) "Ahhhh, I don't even know what to say. You mean that they didn't learn from the last time?"
Jim Bakker: "Apparently not.....aren't christians great!"
Prosocuting Attorney: (lightly whisperes to himself: what kind of complete ignorant fools would actually give more mon.........)
Judge: "Council, continue with your questions."
Prosocuting Attorney: "I am sorry your honor, I was just taken back a bit."
Judge: "Understood Council, so was everyone else......."
Prosocuting Attorney: "I have no further questions....I am absolutely baffled. What kind of........Excuse me."
Judge: "Defense, your witness."
Defense Attorney: (mouth is wide open...looks around in utter disbelief)