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Post your funny e-mails

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posted on Mar, 18 2005 @ 01:11 AM
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If you get a funny or hilarious e-mail....post it we can all use a laugh..
Thanks!




posted on Mar, 18 2005 @ 01:16 AM
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LOL
Little Joey, at the back of the class, was squirming in his chair, not
paying any attention to what was being taught. The teacher, Miss
Wanda,
approached him to find out what the problem was.
Quite embarrassed, Joey whispered that he had just been circumcised,
and
he was quite itchy. Miss Wanda sent him to the principal's office to
phone his mom and ask her what to do about it.
After making the phone call, little Joey returned to class and sat
down.
All of a sudden, there was quite a commotion in the back of the room.
The classmates around Joey were all laughing and giggling. Miss Wanda
walked to the back of the class to see what was causing the
disturbance.

The teacher glanced over at Joey... He was sitting at his desk with
his
P@#is hanging out. Miss Wanda was shocked at the sight: "What are you
doing?" she gasped. "I thought I told you to call your mother!"
"I did," replied Joey. "My Mom told me that if I could stick it out
till
noon, she'd come and pick me up from school...



posted on Mar, 18 2005 @ 01:18 AM
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The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any!" she responded.

The Englishman immeditely reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.

"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" shouts her husband.

She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."

He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

"Sweet Mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?" He cries out.

She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."



posted on Mar, 20 2005 @ 12:41 AM
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An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. Nothing seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.

>>> Imagine a frog leaping out of a jar here.....

He whispered, "I'M LONELY TOO, BUY ME AND YOU WONT BE SORRY."

The old lady figured--WHAT THE HECK, she hadn't found anything else.

She bought the frog and put him in the car.

Driving down the road the frog whispered to her "KISS ME AND YOU WONT BE SORRY."






So the old lady figured WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.

IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous sexy young handsome prince.

THE PRINCE THEN KISSED THE OLD LADY BACK..........AND GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO?

Guess






















Did you guess it?




SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST MOTEL SHE COULD FIND.



posted on Mar, 20 2005 @ 12:45 AM
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I've Lost Me Luggage"

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. "No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" "The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.

*****************************************************

"Water to Wine"

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

***********************************************

"The Brothel"

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad." Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well." Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying.

*************************************

Irish Cemetery

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died."! Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be
145!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy. Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."

***************************************************

Irish Predicament

Drunk Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the Ole just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."

***************************************************

Irish Last Request

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that gun!'


**************************************************


The Martini Caper

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?" "Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"



posted on Mar, 20 2005 @ 12:49 AM
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>> THE REDNECK LOVE POEM
>>> SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE;
>>> SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
>>> SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL
>>> SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
>>>
>>> PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
>>> YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
>>> I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
>>
>>> BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
>>>
>>> SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE,
>>> AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL,
>>> BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
>>> HE SAID, "THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.
>>>
>>> YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
>>> AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YOU' MA,
>>> BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
>>> I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
>>>
>>> BUT MAMA KNEW
>>> AND SAID, MY CHILD,
>>> JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
>>> MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE.
>>> YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY......
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>



posted on Mar, 20 2005 @ 12:51 AM
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WRONG E-MAIL ADDRESS
> > >
> > > A lesson to be learned from one typing the wrong email address!
> > > A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during
a
> > > particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel
where
> > > they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
> > >
> > > Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their
> > > travel schedules.
> > >
> > > So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday,
with
> > > his wife flying down the following day.
> > >
> > > The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his
room,
> > > so he decided to send an email to his wife.
> > >
> > > However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email
address, and
> > > without realizing his error, sent the email.
> > >
> > > Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home
from
> > > her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to
glory
> > > following a heart attack.
> > >
> > > The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from
relatives
> > > and friends.
> > >
> > > After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
> > >
> > > The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the
floor,
> > > and saw the computer screen which read:
> > >
> > > To: My Loving Wife
> > >
> > > Subject: I've Arrived
> > >
> > > Date: October 16, 2004
> > >
> > > I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here
now
> > > and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just
> > > arrived
> > > and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared
for
> > > your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope
your
> > > journey is as uneventful as mine was.
> > >
> > > P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!




posted on Mar, 20 2005 @ 05:25 PM
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>
>Marriage - Part I
> Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
>wedding, he laid down the following rules:
>
> "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't
>expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table
>unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
>fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and
>don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
>
> His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there
>will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ......... whether you're
>here or not."
>
> (DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)
>
> ************************************
>
>
>
> Marriage - (Part II)
>
> Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
>anniversary!
>
>The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
>"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
>
> "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
>reads: "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
>
> (HE ASKED FOR IT!)
>
> ******************************
>
> Marriage - (Part III)
>
> Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
>table.
>
> Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
>and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and
>decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many
>rings, and the irritated husband says, "\What took you so long to answer
>the phone?"
>
> She says, "I was in bed."
>
> "In bed this early, doing what?"
>
> "Getting a second opinion!"
>
> (YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
>
> ******************************************
>
> Marriage - (Part IV)
>
> A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
>proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in
>spite of her objections.
>
> One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home
>and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at
>the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
>
>His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right
>back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
>
> (RIGHT ON, LADY!)
>
> **************************************
>
>Marriage - (Part V) - The Silent Treatment
>
> A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
>each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next
>day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning
>business flight.
>
> Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
>on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew
>she would find it.
>
> The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
>he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
>hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper
>said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
>
> Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
>
> God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
>before the masterpiece.
>



posted on Mar, 21 2005 @ 12:44 AM
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A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She
was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but
knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the
newspaper for a ranch hand. Two men applied for the job. One was gay and
the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one
else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be
safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew
a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch
was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the
hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great.
You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily
agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.

Two o'clock, and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty, and
upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the
fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it
off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly
by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching
her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was
told and dropped it to the floor.

"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he
slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town
again, you're fired."





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