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If Jesus Had An Obituary...............

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posted on Mar, 17 2005 @ 07:40 PM
Just something I came across and thought I would share.......Tis the season and all......


Jesus Christ, 33, of Nazareth, died Friday on Mount Calvary, also known as Golgotha, the place of the skull. Betrayed by the apostle Judas, Jesus was crucified by the Romans, by order of the Ruler Pontius Pilate. The causes of death were crucifixion, extreme exhaustion, severe torture, and loss of blood.

Jesus Christ, a descendant of Abraham, was a member of the house of David. He was the Son of the late Joseph, a carpenter of Nazareth, and Mary, His devoted Mother. Jesus was born in a stable in the city of Bethlehem, Judea. He is survived by His mother Mary, His faithful Apostles, numerous disciples, and many other followers.

Jesus was self educated and spent most of his adult life working as a Teacher. Jesus also occasionally worked as a Medical Doctor and it is reported that he healed many patients. Up until the time of His death, Jesus was teaching and sharing the Good News, healing the sick, touching the lonely, feeding the hungry, and helping the poor.

Jesus was most noted for telling parables about His Father`s Kingdom and performing miracles, such as feeding over 5,000 people with only five loaves of bread and two fish, and healing a man who was born blind. On the day before His death, He held a Last Supper celebrating the Passover Feast, at which He foretold His death.

The body was quickly buried in a stone grave, which was donated by Joseph of Arimathea, a loyal friend of the family. By order of Pontius Pilate, a boulder was rolled in front of the tomb. Roman soldiers were put on guard.

In lieu of flowers, the family has requested that everyone try to live as Jesus did. Donations may be sent to anyone in need.

[edit on 17-3-2005 by edsinger]

EDIT Btw ......another good thing to read during this time of year

Medical Description of the Flogging and Crucifixion of Jesus

And he did this for YOU!

[edit on 17-3-2005 by edsinger]

posted on Mar, 17 2005 @ 07:47 PM
Bravo, Ed! Very inspirational. It puts a human face on one of the most important beings to walk the face of the earth.

posted on Mar, 17 2005 @ 08:14 PM
Canadian obituary, approx. 1,960 years later:

Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into coc aine
Or vitamin pills into amphetamines

He walked on the water
And swam on the land
He would tell these stories
And people would listen
He was really cool

If you were blind or lame
You just went to Jesus
And he would put his hands on you
And you would be healed
That's so cool

He could've played guitar better than Hendrix
He could've told the future
He could've baked the most delicious cake in the world
He could've scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
He could've danced better than Barishnikov
Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
Jesus was way cool

He told people to eat his body and drink his blood
That's so cool
Jesus was so cool
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
So they killed him
But then he rose from the dead
He rose from the dead, danced around
Then went up to heaven
I mean, that's so cool
Jesus was way cool

No wonder there are so many Christians

posted on Mar, 17 2005 @ 08:21 PM
MA, I can almost hear the bongo beats in the background, and smell the grass.....

posted on Apr, 7 2005 @ 11:59 PM
I feel that Jesus' actual obituary is the history of what has been done in his name.
For a man of his philosophy and candor. That is very sad to me.

posted on Apr, 8 2005 @ 01:16 AM
wait, so you are blaming the actions of what you do on him? because to say that the choises made by even the church are his fault would be to say that they choices you make are his fault as well. This is because you are saying we have no freewill, we don't choose, God does it.

posted on Apr, 8 2005 @ 02:47 AM
Jesus, decendent of Abraham? If that's true then Jesus isn't originally Jewish, but Chaldean. Since Abraham came from Ur of Chaldeans according to the bible.

posted on Apr, 8 2005 @ 03:05 AM
it should give a retraction for his rising of the dead.

posted on Apr, 8 2005 @ 04:34 AM
Isn't this "Relgious Conspiracy Forum", not "Evangalize like a sheep Forum"?

Someone call the shepard, we have some lost sheep!
Er, I mean, hey moderators, WTF!?!?!

posted on Apr, 8 2005 @ 06:11 AM
it really helped me today.

Pray, train, study.
God bless.

posted on Apr, 9 2005 @ 01:44 PM
Text BlackDateline Jerusalem ( or maybe Qumran)
Textconvicted Rebel and Revolutionist Executed Today.

Jesus the Nazarene was executed today at appromimatly 3:00 PM local. Jesus
it will be remembered was insturmental in inciting the the riot 3 days ago in
the Temple area of the city. As a result of the insueing loss of life and property
Procurator Pilate sentenced said insurectionist to death by crucifixion. sentence was executed this day.

And in other news....... Bar Abbas who rumor has it may be the son of this
" King of the Jews" was released today as a result of a Gubinitorial pardon.

posted on Apr, 14 2005 @ 08:35 PM

Originally posted by BabylontheGreat
Jesus, decendent of Abraham? If that's true then Jesus isn't originally Jewish, but Chaldean. Since Abraham came from Ur of Chaldeans according to the bible.

No Abram was the FIRST JEW.

Originally posted by Ryanp5555it should give a retraction for his rising of the dead.

That is a good point, but 3 days later was to late, already printed.

posted on Apr, 14 2005 @ 09:52 PM
that was well written ed.

posted on Apr, 14 2005 @ 10:04 PM

Originally posted by drogo
that was well written ed.

I am not that creative, I found it in a e-mail.....But yes very well written.

posted on Apr, 15 2005 @ 08:50 AM
Betrayed by the apostle Judas?

I love it how ignorant and foolish christians continue to act as if the very name of Judas is bad. What kind of idiots are christians. Judas...according to your misguided and contradictory religion, had no choice but to betray Jesus. He was born to do it if you believe in your bible. Born to do it. His lifes purpose. IF IT WAS NOT FOR JUDAS.....YOU WOULD BE GOING TO HELL!!!

Judas is part of the equasion that allowed jesus to die on the cross. In the ignorant religions beliefs, that was a necessary saving grace. God knew, Jesus Knew. They knew ahead of time that judas would make this choice. He must make that choice.

Judas is, even though you all will be ignorant fools in denying it, an intentional pawn sacrificed by god to save all of you....

When you describe Judas...maybe you should try saying something like...

"Jesus, helped along by judas"

posted on Apr, 15 2005 @ 09:28 AM
Thats ridiculous. Of course he 'BETRAYED' him.

Of course Jesus knew beforehand, thats why he SAID so to him that night.

It was still a betrayal and Judus did kill himself because of what he had done.

Thank him? What are you nuts? Should we thank Pilot? How about the Sanhedrin? Hell for that matter how about the Roman Guards who crucified him?

You apparently have no concept of why Christ was here and don't start that predestination avenue to explain your logic. There is much more to it than just a concept.

posted on Apr, 15 2005 @ 10:02 AM
Ignorance is bliss with ol' eddy. You are blind to reality. Judas would have had no choice. So yes....i will venture down the avenue you told me not to out of your own fear of your miserable reality.

Stuff the whole bible up your butt if Judas did not do what he did. End of story. Your life is meaningless being a christian if Judas did not do what he did. Your world is a waste of time. Now I would argue that it already is. Especially due to your blatant disregard to information YOU KNOW.

It must be terrible knowing that you are lying to yourself. Getting up every morning, knowing that you must believe you have no choice in anything you do because you are a foolish and blind follower of nonsense. Well, that is whenever you are forced to think of it. Mostly, you just intentionally disregard it. You never even think of it.

That lines up with most of your bible. You know nothing of it. Only what you are told. Being that you are the blind and foolish follower that you are, you believe what you are told without question.

If Jesus knew of what Judas was to do, then Judas had no choice. Jesus is god to you. God knows everything. Our past, our present, and our future. That means...these things already exist. They existed the instant everything was created. God created it. If this is the case....your ignorant life is by no choice. You were made to be an idiot. However, if you believe you have free will, you are a living contradiction.

Boy.....the intelligence level of people like you astounds me.

posted on Apr, 15 2005 @ 10:03 AM
Oh, if jesus had an obituary...and I was to write it.... This is how simple it would be.


posted on Apr, 15 2005 @ 11:10 AM
Seapeoples hate and convert it to energy, I'm sure I could power a city for a few decades... where did I put that synaptic ion to electromagnetism converter?

posted on Apr, 15 2005 @ 11:25 AM
Come on now saint.... you know I don't hate anyone.

I don't exclude based on contradictory nonsense. I don't lie to myself when issues arise that contradict my views. I don't ignore reality. I just tell it like it is. But, you christians...who by the way managed to eradicate millions based on your hatred of their religions and beliefs over the past 2 thousand years, you are the ones with hate. Your bible tells you.......don't associate with thinkers. Dont associate with those who are obviously smarter than you.

Though it may not use those words, thats what it means. If there is a creating god, I can tell you two things. First, he made me smarter than you and eddy. Second, he wouldn't want me to allow you to continue on being as dilusional and ignorant as you are without at least giving a good effort to teach you THAT YOU ARE ALLOWED TO THINK.

I know, your pastor doesnt like it when people think. You have to ignore him. Oh, and stop paying his mortgage on his house too, as well as for his paid vacations...I mean missions.

Your kind have been killing my kind for centuries. Keppler, and his laws of planetary motions. How beautiful his knowledge must have been to him. Too bad your foolish leaders murdered hundreds of thousands in an attempt to keep it secret. Galileo. The wonders of his thinking surpass almost everyone of recent memory. He developed his theories from almost nothing. Too bad he had to live his life in utter fear of what christians were going to do to him. They burned people at the stake for thinking. BURNED THEM ALIVE.

This is the history of your corrupt and evil belief system. You make up stupid rules, right them in a book, and murder those who disagree with you. Now days, thank anything that could be considered holy that the church doesn't have the influence it once did. Its now illegal to murder for a disagreement. In the past, it was that disagreement that was punishable by death. Unfortuneatly, I think that religion still has a century or two left before people wake up. I wont be alive to see that wonderful day. But it is coming. Your kind. Your ignorant and foolish lifestyles full of blind following and exclusionatory tactics.

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