Why I won´t post any more hatred

I want to apologize for the hatred & poison I´ve been posting here for years now...

Today, I had a rare moment of wisdom. I realized that I´ve been spreading my own negative thoughts to you guys here on ATS for years now, and it´s just not cool.

I´m not making excuses, but please understand that I´ve not had an easy life - physical and emotional conflict has been in my life since day one; my own father thought I was a bastard child and therefore did not visit my mom in hospital when I was born - the years followed with emotional & physical violence from family members and authority figures, my parents divorce left us poor, bullying throughout my childhood and well into my adult life, etc. I think all this made me a very hard man that now has trust issues and always question people and authority, I was full of poison which I needed to spit out somewhere, and sadly I have used ATS as a place to vent out - it was selfish and I´m sorry to anyone that I´ve affected.

I realized today that some of my political post here at ATS have been irresponsible, and that they may even entice anger or violence against political opponents - which is just horrible to think about for me. Having seen violence in person I would never want that to happen to anyone. Well, no more - I apologize to you all!

-MM

a reply to: MerkabaMeditation


That's okay, violence may find you though, it's a virtue to defend the weak.


We all need an outlet, without one we might be in trouble. Theres hardened folk here so I wouldn't worry too much mate. You're cool.

a reply to: MerkabaMeditation

Those are some powerful words brother. Inner reflection hits us all eventually. Glad to hear you are over the hatred. I think I might spew a little hate here and there but that's only after a hand full of beers. That and it's hard listening to the same few people make the same claims that have already been disproven.

So to you good sir congrats I'm sure everyone here will forgive you if you offended them.3 beers for you good sir.

a reply to: MerkabaMeditation
In other words, you are getting soft.

originally posted by: MerkabaMeditation

I´m not making excuses, but please understand that I´ve not had an easy life - physical and emotional conflict has been in my life since birth; my own father thought I was a bastard child and therefore did not visit my mom in hospital - the years followed with violence, parents divorce, poverty, bullying, etc. I think all this made me a very hard man that now never trust anyone and always question authority.

Thats little different to anyone on here or any where else......No one has a

perfect up bringing, we all have skeletons in our cupboards, in the end its

how we deal with them that counts. Stop castigating yourself you recognise

what you are not liking about yourself so it will be all downhill from now and

you can be who you want to be?

I realized today that some of my post has been irresponsible, and that they may even entice anger or violence against political opponents - which is just horrible to think about for me. Having seen violence in person I would never want that to happen to anyone. Well, no more - I apologize to you all!

You are not responsible for others reactions so stop beating yourself up.

Look to the future and good luck with your new you!

a reply to: MerkabaMeditation

I always appreciated your posts. Maybe that’s because I’m a dick too. 🍻

a reply to: MerkabaMeditation




If it wasn't for the hate, vitriol, and name calling, I wouldn't even bother to log on to ATS.

a reply to: MerkabaMeditation

Been there. Rage and anger plagued me for a good chunk of my life growing up, because of things that happened to me, and how I was treated. It took a lot of time for me to be able to let go of that hate and become a more peaceful and patient person. What I've found that works for me is to just accept that certain things are just the way they are, and when I feel myself getting worked up to just take a deep breath and find something else to do.

As for ATS for instance. I found that sometimes I'd be talking crap and calling peoole out. I'd find myself typing up lengthy responses in anger. But, it didn't make me feel any better. I said what I wanted to say, and called people on their BS, but it didn't feel beneficial in any way. Now, if I see something that I consider stupid I just take a deep breath, count to three, and breathe it out.

I've been taking a break. Mostly back to lurking. It's good to find some other off-line things to do. I've been catching up on some books I've been meaning to get to, and I've been wanting to get back into working out.

I've already accomplished a few things I wanted to since I decided to take a break from ATS. My career is going well. I've met an awesome person, and since I don't spend a ton of time on ATS I generally don't have to deal with arguing about politics. Heck, practically everyone who works where I'm currently working is voting for Biden, hates Trump, and is generally what many here would consider leftist or liberal asf. I mean they kind of are, but due to me being professional at work I just change the conversation or tell them that I don't talk about politics at work.

So, I guess what I'm really trying to say is that you'll be alright. It's good for a person to address their concerns. If you can do that, you can work to change what you don't like.

a reply to: MerkabaMeditation

If you were posting hate, you wouldn't be here any longer....we don't allow hate speech.

If you felt you were being negative and want to change your attitude, a good attitude is sometimes hard to find in this world.
Stay positive.

a reply to: MerkabaMeditation

I’ve always enjoyed your posts. You aren’t responsible for anyone else’s behavior, no matter what words you say.

Give yourself some slack. ❤️

Maybe I should rethink....



Naw....

Congratualtions MerkabaMeditation. Shine bright.

a reply to: MerkabaMeditation

I don't remember the hate.
Can you link to a post that you are most ashamed of?

a reply to: MerkabaMeditation

May you inspire other evil 'F'cks' who wish to change, to actually change.

Hi MerkabaMeditation,

It was hard to read of the upbringing you had, that's tough man, real tough, it's understandable that as a result you became a hard man. There are defensive and offensive mechanisms that come in to play when there is an abundance of hurt and an absence of love. You are right, it is like poison to your soul and unfortunately that spills out to those you encounter. But you're also correct in stating it isn't an excuse.

What's wonderful here is that you've come to a place of realisation and have taken ownership for your past actions. I imagine it would have been tough to come to this place, with an inner voice wanting to continue to bury your hurt, to bury your responsibility and to finally bury your soul. Furthermore, coming to a place of humility and publicly apologising, that's a big deal man, well done.

I write this as I know who you are, at least partially, I also lived a life in darkness burdened by my childhood and a multitude of selfish decisions I made following. It wasn't pretty and I left a wake of hate and destruction behind me. I too came to a similar realisation as you, that the way I was living wasn't working and was faced with a choice to do life differently. At age 31 I made that decision and it's been wonderful, though also challenging to go through through the refining process, it takes time, but it's totally worth it. The work isn't complete, but I actually feel alive.

Anyway, be mindful of the naysayers minimising your moment of wisdom. Stand firm in your conviction, but let it not be condemning. There is new life awaiting ahead for you, one of love, restoration and hope. Repentance is a great start.

Take care and God bless you.

a reply to: MerkabaMeditation


There is a difference between standing up for your beliefs and being an inciter.

I am glad you are learning the difference. However you may still have a ways to go, it doesn't matter your excuses you gave as to why you spewed venom and hate. Not in the slightest.

Good steps I think a lot of people could use right now.