Who Else is Grieving?

My story is a long and complicated one, which is undoubtedly TL;DR.

Suffice to say I am shattered and heartbroken.

Has this year sucked away all of the hope and promise you felt just last year?

For me, it has. Yes.

Anyone else dealing with indescribable grief?

Part of life is death- loss is part of life.
Even if you managed to never lose anything, all you've done is cause grief for others.

Good luck

I lost my wife on the 17th after a long nasty battle with cancer. So yeah I feel you.

That said this year has been unbelievable thus far and just getting even more so day by day. It's all too easy to let everything bombard you to no end. I have found through what I just went through with my wife is, I know it may sound trite, is LOVE! Seriously find love even in this crazy upside down world we are living in there still is a whole lot to love, there to find if you look for it. It is everywhere.

Whether its another human being or perhaps a beloved pet. Its a blue sky with soft clouds and the sun shining on your face. Its looking into a darkened night sky and marveling at the stars. Its wherever you want to find it.

Its hard but just try to love living for livings sake. I hope you can find some semblance of peace.

a reply to: americanbuffalo1

Thanks. I am currently losing the father of my two adult kids and also his mother (the grandmother). Nothing will ever be the same. This year has been horrific. Last year was idyllic. I'm just crushed and so broken.

originally posted by: VeeTNA
a reply to: americanbuffalo1

Thanks. I am currently losing the father of my two adult kids and also his mother (the grandmother). Nothing will ever be the same. This year has been horrific. Last year was idyllic. I'm just crushed and so broken.

Your right it won't be the same. I truly do hope you can find your way through this. I know I am also losing my father to liver failure. He likely won't see Christmas. Then you couple all this death and dying with the unrest seemingly sparking to life around the nation and yeah it gets overwhelming.

Deep breaths and do the best you can for yourself and whomever you have strength for. Keep moving ahead and remember always love!

a reply to: VeeTNA

Same here lost my older brother June 30. Be glad to put 2020 in the rear view mirror, and hope 21 is a lot better.

This may come across as a platitude but its helped me.

Trust God. That's it. It's totally out of our control and Gods will be done.

I'm sorry if that sounds like a platitude but it's my sincerest advice in love and kindness to you in this horrible time, ask Jesus to heal your heart.

I sincerely wish the best for you and your family. I hope your year gets better and better.

Truly appreciate your replies, all. I am trying to hang on, and I agree that LOVE is the thing - but it's also the most painful thing when you are saying goodbye.

Grief is the mirror-image of the deep love we have for others. The suffering of cancer-stricken loved ones as well as the pain of knowing that our kids are also suffering with the impending loss is catastrophic.

a reply to: VeeTNA

So sorry to hear this, it will crush you for a long time just try and find some lightness or a little bit of happiness each day. It will never completely go away but one day you will find your self laughing again briefly build on that. Prayers...

one thing no matter what take care of yourself physically..while you are mentally and emotionally struggling it's imperative you keep yourself as fit as possible try and eat well get you some exercise and try to sleep. I speak from experience

a reply to: americanbuffalo1

Your right it won't be the same. I truly do hope you can find your way through this. I know I am also losing my father to liver failure. He likely won't see Christmas. Then you couple all this death and dying with the unrest seemingly sparking to life around the nation and yeah it gets overwhelming.

Deep breaths and do the best you can for yourself and whomever you have strength for. Keep moving ahead and remember always love!

Thank you. It's incredibly hard to deal with the waves of trauma and pain that wash over us. Both are dying of inoperable and previously unrecognized cancer (less than a month ago we got this news. Now there are only days left).

Excruciating.

a reply to: putnam6

one thing no matter what take care of yourself physically..while you are mentally and emotionally struggling it's imperative you keep yourself as fit as possible try and eat well get you some exercise and try to sleep. I speak from experience

You are right, and thanks for the reminder. My sleep pattern is generally healthy, but lately I've been crashing early and waking up in the wee hours. That's ok with me - the pre-dawn time is a time of reflection, rest, and thoughts.

I do get out and take care of my pets and try to tend to my garden; but when I'm unbalanced like this I often have no appetite whatsoever....I am trying to keep myself nourished, and am blessed with people who love me.

I wish I had the energy to lift all of you up out of this but I think I may need a lift too.

I guess that means it's up to God to sort all of this out...

I find a lot of solace in being outside and simply thinking, watching the leaves shimmer, or the lightning strike; hearing the birds in the early dawn - the crickets in the evening. The clouds, the sunsets, the cool breeze.

This is all so fleeting, but to us living moment to moment, it just feels like hell. My mother and my mother-in-law are both in their 80s, both "ready to go." But I'm not. I wasn't. I'm still not. But the hell we are going through right now is too painful and I just have to let it wash over me. Cry for 3 days, take a break.....try to eat. Cry some more....sleep. Try to stay in touch with the people most involved, but shut out because it's just too painful.

ugh. like I said TL;DR, I know.

I'm sorry for all of you dealing with the loss and agony of this current age. One day people will look back and see that being alive has always been, and continues to be, especially difficult.

Yesterday I found a quote from Buddha:

In the end, only three things matter: How much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.

Many parts of me have been shattered before. Each time is unique. I am a very emotionally-oriented person, and sometimes envy those who can simply brush it off and carry on.

Did you know tears are a huge relief to the body, the brain, the system that is you?

When my dad died 10 years ago, I was completely subsumed with the grief, even though I knew it was coming. I'm a very sensitive, and sentimental soul - and have always been. This kind of "growing" is awful and terrifying, while utterly inescapable.

a reply to: muzzleflash

I wish I had the energy to lift all of you up out of this but I think I may need a lift too.

I guess that means it's up to God to sort all of this out...

But still, we can at least try to lift each other up....

right?

How can I help your pain?

originally posted by: VeeTNA
a reply to: muzzleflash

I wish I had the energy to lift all of you up out of this but I think I may need a lift too.

I guess that means it's up to God to sort all of this out...

How can I help your pain?

You have tits?



Lmfao.
Hopefully this response of mine will lift everyone up a moment.... Hahaha

a reply to: muzzleflash

I do, but they're pretty saggy and flimsy. I do recall the time he was sick about 25 years ago and I asked him how I could help, as he laid on the couch in man-misery, and he said:

"you could dance naked for me"

lol

a reply to: VeeTNA

It's not too long.
I liked reading it.

I spend most of my time in nature.

When I feel pain I just surrender to it and let it flow. Blocking it is bad. It's part of this life and needs to be expressed and released.

That's the only way forward.
Accept and let go.

originally posted by: VeeTNA
a reply to: muzzleflash

I do, but they're pretty saggy and flimsy. I do recall the time he was sick about 25 years ago and I asked him how I could help, as he laid on the couch in man-misery, and he said:

"you could dance naked for me"

lol

Lmfao, a very honest man.
Lucky you hahaha

a reply to: muzzleflash

Mmm. We used to have great dance parties when we were in college. Had a group of folks who joined us. Last year at our daughter's wedding his brother told his sons (10 and 6) that we used to dance all the time.....

so many memories. So much fun. And only we three know how much -- one does not forget how we know people from when we were college kids and so much was ahead of us. I love these people, and those memories.