A Shout Out to the Men of ATS & Request for Advise

Hello ATS!
I've been a member here for 10 amazing years. As a woman, I'm sending a shoutout to my brethren here for being gentlemen and never giving me that "uh-oh feeling." I don't always agree with your opinions, and some of you can be curt at times and even a$$hole-ish in your replies, but never ONCE have I been creeped out by my interactions with you. You never send me weird, intrusive questions via private message, and I don't ever get the sense that you treat me differently because I am a woman. I've been treated like any other voice here, and I thank you for that.

Why is this noteworthy, you ask? Why am I compelled to thank you for your perpetual common decency? Well I'm glad you asked, because I need your advice! See, I love to play Words With Friends. I'm quite addicted to it, and often have 10-15 games in play at a time. The issue is, most of your "brethren" who request a game with me start to say things in chat that have nothing to do with the game, and often make me uncomfortable.

Usually starts with "Where are you playing from?" which is cool, because I like the fact that people from all over the world play this game and I enjoy that multi-cultural aspect. I usually answer "South Carolina, you?" But many men start off with something like, "Hello dear..." and start messaging multiple times a day with stuff like, "How did you sleep last night, dear?" (would they ask a man that?)

Often they ask if I'm married, which I reply "yes, you?" Some follow up with "Happily?" Some immediately resign the game. Some say they are divorced or widowed and lonely (I mean, I'm a nice person... I don't mind polite conversation with a lonely person, but I'm really just in this for the challenge of the game... not to find a penpal!) If I don't reply at all, some say things like, "Why are you ignoring me?" or the keep posting "Hello" "Hello" "Are you there" every few hours or days. One particular guy, even after telling him I'm married (to which he said "does your husband know how lucky he is?" I mean dude, I could be a lunatic axe murderer and my husband could be buried in the back yard. You don't know is he's lucky to have me or not, lol.) But anyway, he requests my email address to get to know each other better and wants to chat on zoom and exchange pics AFTER I told him I'm happily married and prefer to just play WWF. If he wants to hook up with a woman, there are dating sites galore... Words With Friends is not the place!

Never once has a woman on Words With Friends communicated anything other than game dialogue. ("Nice play" or "Good Game" or "Is that a word, lol?") I suppose I could just decline any game requested by a man, but I'd hate to think that's the only option. There ARE decent guys I play who are in it for the game and challenge my game skills.

I'd like to know, do you have any advice for me? Anything I can say up front that is to the point but not rude (in case man in question is not one of THOSE men.) Imagine I'm your sister, or mom, or any other female in your life you care about... what advice would you give?

Thanks again for your respectfulness to me. Where will you go when ATS closes its doors? How will I find you amongst the creeps, lol...

Sadly a lot of women experience this because there’s a lot of sad lonely desperate men out there who don’t get any attention from women so the minute one is the least bit nice to them they misconstrue this as attraction.

My advice is to either not let them know your female, make it clear that your here only to play the game, or outright ignore them completely. Anyone who persists after that is showing major red flags.

In conclusion- what are you wearing?
Sorry, maybe a bad joke considering

Oh no. Thanking us usually means someone is having health problems.

It is your personality that others respect New-here. That is why people usually treat you well.

Advice for you? I should be asking you for advice.

Change your screen avatar if you have one into someone like honey booboo, Lorena Bobbitt, "Caitlin Jenner", Aileen Wournos, Typhoid Mary, etc, etc, etc.

Sorry to hear that about your game. I am guessing that your name gives away your gender so if they let you change it that might be an option. Would suck if you had to make a new account. If you can't do that maybe block people who are creepy or disable the chat function maybe. If all else fails tell them you are an extra terrestrial trying to polish your vocab.

a reply to: new_here

Men are assholes...especially on the internet, as to why here's different, dunno, never really thought about it.

As for advice, other than specifically ignoring people that act like that I'm not sure what you can do. If the game has some kind of report system use that....otherwise, to be honest, just rude and tell them to # off. What they're doing is rude as hell, they don't deserve politeness in return.

And # em, they make men look bad in general and give validation to all the over the top PC crap. And yeah, just about every girl I know, friends, my girlfriend, my sister, they've all had to deal with that garbage...guys that pull that # don't deserve politeness or respect in return.

a reply to: new_here

Respond by asking them if they have time to speak about the Lord and Savior Christ. That should do the trick.

a reply to: new_here

My wife and I play a lot of scrabble on line. With this new Scrabble Go, there is a chat function along with a photo of the player. Lorrie is 75 but uses a picture of her when she was 65 and looking younger in the photo to boot.

The scenario you describe is exactly how she describes to me the ''chats'' that she is faced with constantly by men she plays. That is until she tells them she is 75 and twice a great grand mother. Then ''POOF'' they disappear.

We also play numerous games at a time. Me, I have never had one of the young women ask me about my personal life. Oh well,,,,

a reply to: new_here

The world is full of perverts so I'm proud of just being a jerk...

a reply to: new_here

I don't use FB but isn't there a block function?

If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, BLOCK them. You owe them no explanation.

Every game and forum has its community.

Some aren't that bad and others get a certain "vibe". My guess is that this game attracts more women than usual because we ladies tend to have communication as one of our biological strengths, so we will gravitate toward working with the language in various ways. Word games are our thang!

So ... icky guys will come to play because they think they can meet gals, and they're there because they can't do it the normal way.

Sucks, but there it is. There's a reason why so many dedicated girl gamers tend to build up groups of trusted friends they tend to group up with and play with in most games. When we played MMORPGs, I let Teikiatsu handle our "rolodex" of contacts, and we grouped mostly as a couple. It prevented the worst abuses for me.

Change your avatar or screen name. Play a game that attracts a better class of people.

Like my favorite game of all time....

The game of go

Funny...my wife is on a recipe group forum...and, just this morning, she was telling me about these two guys that keep pestering her and trying to 'friend' her...even after telling them she's married.

loneliness and the internet go hand in hand. I've been on the internet very very often for almost 20 years and it's just the nuturing environment for the plague of human emotions and some individuals.

However, I am still one of those 'suprised to realize how rampant this type of thing is' because my one rule is that I just try to stay off webcam. One day on omegle and ive just about uninstalled the webcam. Some of these people are beyond toxic (and they can be anywhere, and I hate to say it, but the internet is absolutely crawling and overflowing with this type. I've pretty much need a hacker type paranoia to not give information to people.

My internet experience got a lot better when I just started blocking people and not giving them the chance to type really. TOXIC MEANS TOXIC. If a person has enough life experience to use the internet, then they have enough life experience to assure you they arent a creepy idiot. CUT EM OUT!

originally posted by: IAMTAT
Funny...my wife is on a recipe group forum...and, just this morning, she was telling me about these two guys that keep pestering her and trying to 'friend' her...even after telling them she's married.

I had a married guy that was hitting on my friend when she was streaming twitch and I found his personal details within a few minutes because his name was in his username. One message and his few minutes would have caused him a world of pain. I don't like to be vengeful though, and I dont like using the internet to track people; so I didnt do anything, but Im sure it gave him a scare. This is also possible in other way but not nearly as easy, lol. But really, a little knowledge collectively could go a long way in combatting this part of the internet, and I would honestly really like to see it sometimes.

And sure, it's none of my business, but if you are going to say youre going to fight me or something bc im '#ing up ur game' ... well, im kind of getting too old for that

I'm female so just adding that I also have long appreciated ats for this very thing! Way to go guys! Shows class and smarts.

That's what makes people here seem close as it isn't creepy. Any off colour stuff is usually just banter between familiar posters. I get my hackles up over the odd mysogynist comment, here and there, but never felt it's personal or any of the guys are trolling with their dicks out like they do on facebook etc.

a reply to: Quantumgamer1776

In conclusion- what are you wearing?

A potato sack and combat boots. I'll change into my gunny sack after my weekly bath, which I may need to take sooner rather than later b/c the head lice are really bothering me, and my scabies is acting up. Or maybe its fleas from my 42 cats.
LOL, how am I doing?

Seriously tho, thank you everyone for your excellent suggestions so far. So many good ideas to consider! Glad (yet sad) to know I am not alone.

I think lonely/creepy guys will look anywhere online where they believe there are more women than men. I've played Words with Friends quite a lot too (as a guy) but, I feel more women like word games than men. As with the above mentioned recipe group. Better chance of women there.

My advice would be just not to respond. Or try and make your next word played something that expresses your disinterest.

originally posted by: Gnawledge
Or try and make your next word played something that expresses your disinterest.

My last word played with creepy guy I mentioned was: FARTED
Muhahaha

The comments made toward women at online holdem is terrible. And even the ladies that play at the casino tables get a ration of sh** from the old drunk rich geezers. The ladies at the casinos always get the more profane ones kicked out of the game or even banned from the establishment.

originally posted by: Gnawledge
I feel more women like word games than men.

ya know man, I think you're right