The picture above is a generic mylar party balloon. The actual character featured in the following testimony had a yellow background color with a long
red ribbon string hanging down. I don't actually remember what color the string was, I just wrote red to add a sense of specificity, so forget about
the redness of the string, it doesn't really matter what color it was, yellow, white, whatever; doesn't matter. The fact that there was a long string
The incident occurred during late January and into February of 2012. A relative had a pirate themed birthday party. The mylar Jolly Roger was a
souvenir brought home from the party. It followed me around the house of its own accord, or so I thought at the time.
I would be sitting in the dining room at my computer, look over my shoulder, and there it was, watching what I was typing. I would later be watching
television in the living room, look around, and there it was behind the couch looking over my shoulder, watching along with me. When I went into my
bedroom to sleep, I would check to make sure the balloon was not following me. But if I happened to wake up in the middle of the night, it would be
there in the corner of the bedroom watching me.
The helium stays in mylar balloons much longer than it does in latex balloons, but eventually even mylar balloons begin to float lower. The weight of
the string over matches the lift of the remaining helium.
Finally, at the end of the balloon's effective life, I didn't think much of the fact that it was once again in the corner of my room, floating half
way between the floor and the ceiling. So I lay down on my sleeping mat and went to sleep. When I awoke in the morning the balloon was two inches from
my nose, staring straight into my face. I looked at the string and visually traced it back to the corner, where the bottom was on the floor. The angle
of the string was just perfect to place the barely inflated balloon right above my face.
Of course I was extremely creeped out by that. "How long has this been right in my face while I was not conscious of it?" That's one of the questions
flitting through my mind as I shuddered.
This happened in 2012, before I knew what possible meaning it may have. I just thought of it as one of those things that happens. Around about 2016 I
started reading about Pastafarianism and their deity, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, the creator figure in their religion.
And being a slow and careful thinker, it wasn't until 2017 that the dots connected. Pirates are the messengers (angels) of the Flying Spaghetti
Monster and the Jolly Roger is the stereotypical symbol of piracy. So it all makes sense. It must have been His Noodley Appendage that caused the
balloon to behave the way it did.
Now you may ask, "Why have you been sitting on this truth for three whole years without sharing it?"
All I can say is that I am prejudiced against pirates. I don't approve of piracy at all. Pastafarianism is not the religion for me, even if the Flying
Spaghetti Monster is proven to be real. I don't want to wear a colander on my head.
edit on 19-7-2020 by pthena because: changed a