Occular Rectitus

Now, everyone has heard of the endemic and highly contagious malady called "Cranial Rectal Inversion", right? Most of us have contracted it at one point in our lives, and some recovered and developed 'herd immunity' to it, while others did not.

But have you ever heard of the equally contagious, but seldom discussed, affliction known as "Ocular Rectitus"?

You see, Ocular Rectitus is clinically defined as follows:

Condition: Ocular Rectitus - When the nerves in your eyes get crossed up with the nerves in your ass and give you a generally sh##ty outlook on something, or life in general.

Symptoms: Generally crappy attitude. Kicking the dog. Random blurting of swear words. Pharting in line at the bank. Self loathing. Arson. Throwing mushrooms at people in the grocery store. Getting a cat.

Prognosis: Generally poor if left untreated.

Treatment: Clinical trials have found success treating Ocular Rectitus with liberal amounts of alcoholic beverages combined with illegal narcotics. Homicide of Cranial-Rectal Invert's has also shown encouraging results, as laughter is always a good elixir.

This critically important Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by the American Dental Association (where you can always go to have a rockin' time) and the Law Offices for Proctologists Anonymous.

Random blurting of swear words.

Big no go.
I say a good swearing needs to make others laugh, has to be fluid like poetry with the right amounts of rage and outburst.


Oh what will that one on the site with the /r think about this. Just had cake day.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I would like to add to the treatment/prevention that getting laid regularly helps a lot too.

I've been afflicted with this before.

Sometimes you're just in a piss poor mood and it shows.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Please explain why getting a cat is a symptom?
This "crazy" cat lady really wants to know and
your cookie list position depends on your answer.

a reply to: mamabeth
Gettting a cat is a symptom of EEEVVVIIILLL (in Earnest Borgnines voice). It is very well know that cats are emisaries of the EEEVVVIIILLL one, that means you want to communicate with him for off the wall strange combinations of cookie recipes. Like blueberry and anchovies.

a reply to: mamabeth

Well, because cats are generally born with Ocular Rectitis so they're down with having a master they can identify with.

I mean, who could ever swat a wiggly, playful, little puppy??? Amiright?

I'm sure you do realize there may have been a bit of tongue-in-cheek in my OP, right?

ETA - BTW I have yet to receive any promised cookies, so I can only conclude I must be pretty low on the list to start with.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Your cookie list position is in the top 10.DB is number 1 unless Slayer
comes back and bumps him.These are all pretend cookies and I know
your op was tongue in cheek.

a reply to: mamabeth

A pretend cookies is better than no cookie at all.

Hopefully I didn't demote myself!

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

gawd you're having one of those days today too?
I was cleaning the lean to. Shut but didn't lock the door. dog opened the door. horse, donkey, and goats all ran out in the damn yard. it was chaos.
I didn't get a cat or kick the dog, but there was lots of swear words.
I treated with alcoholic beverages, and your post made me laugh for the first time today.
On second thought, I think I'll go burn my brush pile.

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
Now, everyone has heard of the endemic and highly contagious malady called "Cranial Rectal Inversion", right? Most of us have contracted it at one point in our lives, and some recovered and developed 'herd immunity' to it, while others did not.

But have you ever heard of the equally contagious, but seldom discussed, affliction known as "Ocular Rectitus"?

You see, Ocular Rectitus is clinically defined as follows:

Condition: Ocular Rectitus - When the nerves in your eyes get crossed up with the nerves in your ass and give you a generally sh##ty outlook on something, or life in general.

Symptoms: Generally crappy attitude. Kicking the dog. Random blurting of swear words. Pharting in line at the bank. Self loathing. Arson. Throwing mushrooms at people in the grocery store. Getting a cat.

Prognosis: Generally poor if left untreated.

Treatment: Clinical trials have found success treating Ocular Rectitus with liberal amounts of alcoholic beverages combined with illegal narcotics. Homicide of Cranial-Rectal Invert's has also shown encouraging results, as laughter is always a good elixir.

This critically important Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by the American Dental Association (where you can always go to have a rockin' time) and the Law Offices for Proctologists Anonymous.

Again, again, again!!!!!!!

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
a reply to: mamabeth
...
I mean, who could ever swat a wiggly, playful, little puppy??? Amiright?

A US soldier from one of the Southern States? A 'noble' patriot 'fighting' for his country('s oil and war profits)?