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Out here making moves....gonna blow up or die trying......a recovery journey

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posted on May, 26 2020 @ 04:07 AM
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Hey family....I don't post or visit much any more .....

I love this place I have just been busy dancing with the devil on the edge of death....

A massive drinking binge/crisis event which had me 86ed from an entire island and in jail so many times it's not even fun in there anymore....

Literally my partner in crime have both signed release to be on Alaska PD....,

The camera man....(very nice cool dude) said the episode should air this April....

I have so much to share.....literal insanity...

Anyway, the point is this led me back to recovery and I'm doing something right this time because my LOA/synchronicities/natural dopamine and energy are on a level that doesn't make sense....

I've harnessed something profound......and I have my theories as to what this thing I've tapped into may be ....

I have so much to say but I'm exhausted from what I've been doing.....all my dreams and intentions seem to be falling right into place......step by step, constantly flowing....

If ur curious, and wanna hear more, maybe wanna help me rise up.......I'm going until I die.......I fear death less now, it's very helpful....

Curious?


SNIP

I have been living at the bottom accumulating trauma at a cellular level (which happens to anyone who has had a, or multiple events that override ones natural coping ability (trauma)

My PTSD and multiple disorders I have found a way to embrace and reframe and channel into positive.....nearly completely...

It's the fuel driving me right now....it's how I'm doing what I'm doing, what I'm gonna do, where I'm at, where I'm gonna go......

Come take a ride with me and we can dive as deep as you want.....

We're all about to witness an uprising or death.....cause I've exhausted every other option......

It's powerful motivation that stems from something we call the gift of desperation.....



Where are my fellows?
edit on 26-5-2020 by GoShredAK because: (no reason given)

edit on 5/26/2020 by Blaine91555 because: snipped real name and contact info, not allowed here on this anonymous board.

edit on 5/26/2020 by Blaine91555 because: (no reason given)




posted on May, 26 2020 @ 04:34 AM
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a reply to: GoShredAK

You sound a bit manic. Please relax and take care of yourself. Hoping and wishing the best for you. Safe travels. Sending positive vibes your way.



posted on May, 26 2020 @ 05:17 AM
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I got hooked up with a musical couple some years back, very talented man and wife team. The guy was bi-polar and while we played together in a band, he went off his medicines.

I watched him write and record a fully produced album in a few weeks. The material was good, but he went off the deep end making it. Once that creative ride was over he shot straight down and was a complete mess for a long time. I liked both of them regardless of his mental condition, but after he went off his meds, he wreaked a lot of havoc in his life, even got tossed in jail a few times during that dark period. Needless to say I avoid both of them like the plague after that ordeal. It's a shame too, they both have so much talent, a real waste, because if he was level headed, he could have made it in the business.

I'm not trying to imply you may be bi-polar, or manic, but it does sound like it the way your talking. Be careful.



posted on May, 26 2020 @ 05:28 AM
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Hey. man, chill out.. what is the rush, take some weeks off and, and focus on doing nothing.
Doing nothing is hard, could be the biggest challenge for you, so are you man enough ?



posted on May, 26 2020 @ 10:18 AM
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You can do anything my friend if you really want it. One day at a time one minute at a time if you have to.
Stay strong and stay positive.

To thine own self be true. Unity, Service, Recovery.
a reply to: GoShredAK



posted on May, 26 2020 @ 12:01 PM
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a reply to: Floridadreamin

Definitely manic......but it's settling....I'll do my best ♥️💛💚



posted on May, 26 2020 @ 12:03 PM
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originally posted by: MichiganSwampBuck
I got hooked up with a musical couple some years back, very talented man and wife team. The guy was bi-polar and while we played together in a band, he went off his medicines.

I watched him write and record a fully produced album in a few weeks. The material was good, but he went off the deep end making it. Once that creative ride was over he shot straight down and was a complete mess for a long time. I liked both of them regardless of his mental condition, but after he went off his meds, he wreaked a lot of havoc in his life, even got tossed in jail a few times during that dark period. Needless to say I avoid both of them like the plague after that ordeal. It's a shame too, they both have so much talent, a real waste, because if he was level headed, he could have made it in the business.

I'm not trying to imply you may be bi-polar, or manic, but it does sound like it the way your talking. Be careful.


Thank u so much for taking the time to write me....

Omw to work....I'll talk more in depth later.....

Thank u tho I appreciate u💯



posted on May, 26 2020 @ 12:06 PM
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a reply to: Spacespider

Right now I'm way too much of a pu$$y to do nothing...

My demons want me idle...

No brake lights...

This or death...

Thank u tho....I will slow up



posted on May, 26 2020 @ 02:21 PM
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originally posted by: Athetos
You can do anything my friend if you really want it. One day at a time one minute at a time if you have to.
Stay strong and stay positive.

To thine own self be true. Unity, Service, Recovery.
a reply to: GoShredAK



Thank u so much for the kind message 💚💛♥️
Means more to me than u realize friend....



posted on May, 26 2020 @ 03:15 PM
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a reply to: GoShredAK

Have you considered stopping drinking. Is is worth the Chaos and Harm to you and the others around you?



posted on May, 26 2020 @ 06:01 PM
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a reply to: FyreByrd

Ur not following me...

I'm 9 days sober...

Been thru it plenty times...

I've done jails and institutions....

Graduated programs...

I still have all those tools

Genius suggestion tho

Smh

I even made it clear in the OP

💚♥️💛

Thx for trying tho I guess
edit on 26-5-2020 by GoShredAK because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 26 2020 @ 06:04 PM
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Thank you very much mods for not snipping the whole thing......I thought that was a no no, but I'm GOING to make a name for myself...

💛♥️💚

Nothing but luv💯



posted on May, 26 2020 @ 10:03 PM
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So you have went through A trauma and learned how to deal with that life drama? PTSD....
I would love to have the secret.......I'm currently digging a deep hole..
Talk to me my friend



posted on May, 27 2020 @ 04:47 AM
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a reply to: GoShredAK
What are your coping mechanisms . Alcohol which as i understand your off , can take quite a while until you are truly over it . I am diagnosed bi polar so i get where you're coming from for the most part in your OP. But there are parts that are more than a little scary for me to read . ? , are you sleeping well . There is light at the end of the tunnel believe me .



posted on May, 28 2020 @ 11:55 AM
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originally posted by: FreeFalling
So you have went through A trauma and learned how to deal with that life drama? PTSD....
I would love to have the secret.......I'm currently digging a deep hole..
Talk to me my friend


Absolutely! And ur correct... I've learned to cope and I DO have advice


Omw to work....I'll think about it and get back to you...

Sorry it took so long...

My life mission is to jump into the pit with you guys and try and lend a hand...

To keep it I gotta give it away....so I got you

♥️💛💚

Stay up💯

I'll get back to ya soon



posted on May, 28 2020 @ 11:57 AM
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originally posted by: hutch622
a reply to: GoShredAK
What are your coping mechanisms . Alcohol which as i understand your off , can take quite a while until you are truly over it . I am diagnosed bi polar so i get where you're coming from for the most part in your OP. But there are parts that are more than a little scary for me to read . ? , are you sleeping well . There is light at the end of the tunnel believe me .


Thank u♥️ this is the dialogue Im looking for

You are my people...

I'll be back after work and training hopefully..

♥️💚💛Luv luv luv💯



posted on May, 28 2020 @ 11:58 AM
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In order to tell my story properly I gotta be home relaxing and give it some time and thought....

Stick with me family 💛💚♥️



posted on May, 28 2020 @ 08:50 PM
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a reply to: GoShredAK

I'm here and listening.





posted on May, 29 2020 @ 01:43 AM
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a reply to: Night Star

I've missed you ♥️💚💛

Thank you. You have been around at some of my worst and better times...

But this new energy is something different..

Thank you so much, you made my day actually

Off to bed, but I'll be back when the opportunity presents itself....

Soon cause I wanna help those reaching out


edit on 29-5-2020 by GoShredAK because: (no reason given)



posted on May, 29 2020 @ 01:51 AM
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originally posted by: hutch622
a reply to: GoShredAK
What are your coping mechanisms . Alcohol which as i understand your off , can take quite a while until you are truly over it . I am diagnosed bi polar so i get where you're coming from for the most part in your OP. But there are parts that are more than a little scary for me to read . ? , are you sleeping well . There is light at the end of the tunnel believe me .


And no I am sleeping horribly lately.....and waking up in cold sweats still it's starting to wear on me but is so minor and easy to deal with compared to any type of detox/withdrawal syndrome...

And there is a plethora of different ways to feel and suffer and hate your life......I've gone through a lot of acute withdrawal....

And I most certainly have trauma stored in my cells....

But there IS actually hope

edit on 29-5-2020 by GoShredAK because: (no reason given)



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