Welcome To Hell! [DE-2020]. Non-writer

OH!...Hello there...I didn't hear you come in...hang on just a sec.

OK!...everyone here?
GREAT.

Welcome to Hell.
I'm Kevin.

They tell me you're all here from ATS.
So...let me show you all around and tell you a little bit about what we do here.
Just let me file these papers and we'll get our little tour started.

Okeedokee...
Stay together...and follow me, please.

OK...up ahead, on our left, is our 'Bureau of Plagues & Natural Disasters'.
Hmmm...sounds pretty busy in there.
Let's open the door and sneak a peek inside...

[Opens Door]

Hey, guys!...Workin' Hard?...or Hardly Working?
Busy demons in the room: "HI, KEVIN!"

How's that global pandemic going, fellas?
Several Demons At Computer Screens, in response: "Going Great, Kev!"
Awesome, guys...we'll let you get back to it...just wanted to pop in to say "Hi"!

C'mon folks, let's take a look at the rest of this joint.

Over here, we have the 'Bureau of Political Corruption & Sodomy with Animals'...and on our Left...'Doomsday Cults & Telemarketing'...and just down that hall is 'Recruiting and Conspiracy Websites'.

Member Of The Tour: "What's that room over there, Kevin?"

Oh, Great Question,...that's just the Break Room...but, hey, let's pop in and say "Hi" anyway.

[Opens Door]

Hey there, Debbie!...Looks like a celebration!...What's up?
Debbie: "Todd just got promoted from 'Gluttony' to 'Infidelity'...want some cake?"

No thanks, Deb...working on my swimsuit figure...*s-n-i-g-g-e-r*…
Debbie: "Lookin' Good so far, Kev...BTW...Did you sign Todd's card?"

Signed it this morning...but, what the heck, save me a piece of that cake for later!
Debbie: "You've got it, Kev.--See ya later!".

Alright, gang...[looks at watch] OOPS...it looks like we're gonna have to cut this tour a little short. I'm afraid I've got to get back to my desk.
Any last questions?

ATS Member In The Tour Group: "I've got one, Kevin...What do you do here?"

I'm in 'Public Relations'...which is great for me...because I'm a 'People Person'!

ATS Member: "With all due respect, Kevin, THIS is supposed to be HELL--'Public Relations' doesn't sound that important or necessary in a place responsible for causing worldwide misery, misfortune and eternal damnation."

On the contrary,...er, what's your name tag say?---okay..."Augustus"!
On the contrary, Augustus...while all of you have been wasting your time here listening to my stupid little tour...

-One of you just missed an opportunity to meet the love of your life...

-One of you will now miss the opportunity to buy the winning lottery ticket which would've allowed you to donate tens of millions of dollars to various charitable organizations...helping thousands.

-Another three of you missed an important deadline at work...will now lose your jobs...and, by sometime next week, will become a crack whores...

-...and the rest of you wasting your time participating in my stupid little tour...just had your intelligence levels reduced by 25-37%...forcing you to take jobs performing back-breaking, menial, labor for the rest of your short, miserable and unfulfilled little lives.


...AND THAT, my friends, is why they pay me the Big Bucks here!

a reply to: IAMTAT

LOL.

Hopefully I full under the 'soon to be crack whore' category.

a reply to: IAMTAT

This is why I hate Kevin!

Can I take the tour again? I want cake.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: IAMTAT

This is why I hate Kevin!

Can I take the tour again? I want cake.

Yeah...Kevin is the worst.

...He also ate the last piece of cake.

a reply to: IAMTAT

a reply to: IAMTAT

IAMTAT,
you have a PM

a reply to: IAMTAT

That was great. Could one argue that Augustus keeping people occupied on ATS is also preventing potential harm that could befall them if they were to venture out and about? Is he also doing good in that sense?

a reply to: IAMTAT

I'd respond, but by the time I got to the end ah done forgotted whut ah was gonna do. It was gonna be good tho!!

a reply to: Onlyyouknow

Thanks.
This was my first attempt at this...and it shows.

a reply to: zosimov

Thanks.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: Onlyyouknow

Thanks.
This was my first attempt at this...and it shows.

It is a fun story you created. I was not putting your story down at all; I was letting the devil in the story know that sometimes his plans are not as evil as he thinks.

a reply to: IAMTAT

Ahem

IDK why everybody hates Kevin so much. I quite like Kevin. He's just doing his job and I'd say a good job at that.

Debbie likes him! But everybody calls her Debbie downer.

The demons in the story like him! Which may explain why I like Kevin actually.

But demons are allegedly evil and everybody hates them too I guess. From flickering lights.... to sleep paralysis, to everything else bad that happens in peoples lives due to people making bad choices, demons sure do get a bad rep.

Lol.

What a great enthralling, entertaining, I could picture myself on the tour, Story !

I never understood the whole burn forever thingy anyway. I always figured if I die and become a spirit then fire and brimstone would be a useless weapon against me..

If there is a hell then its' existence is probably there to just screw over people as your story indicates.. Sorry not trying to get all biblical over your well written story. Makes you wonder where some of the people we have all heard about work in your hell ?

Wonder if Kevin was a NWO politician in a prior life ?

I went back again it gets better the second time.

a reply to: IAMTAT

Awesome

a reply to: SprocketUK

Thank you.

a reply to: madenusa

I really appreciate that. TY.

a reply to: 727Sky
TY.
I like the thought that Hell is run by everyday demonic bureaucrats just doing their job. For them it may even be heaven.

a reply to: geezlouise

Kevin's bad, Geez.
He's the worst.