Just then a phone rang, the ring tone playing Nikki Minaj’s Anaconda
. Geryon reached into his belt and extracted a Motorola flip phone.
“Dude,” exclaimed Creeper, “ever hear of an iPhone.”
“Of course we have, moron.” Came Geryon’s reply, “But this is Hell and these things suck, which is the reason we get them. We can’t even
post to our official Twitter account with them,” came the further reply as he flipped the device open, “Yellow?” His face grimaced when he heard
“It’s you-know-who,” he mouthed to Baal, while nodding and handing the phone to his companion.
“Yes, my Master,” Baal said humbly. There were a few moments as Baal stood there, nodding his head and then looked incredulous. “You’re not
serious, are you?”
There came a long string of expletives of the most vulgar and horrific type blasting from the phone’s tiny speaker but load enough that even the
three new additions heard them. Oddly enough the voice had a distinct Australian accent. Baal stood their nodding his head vigorously and repeating
over and over his acquiescence and obedience. When the voice stopped he snapped the phone closed and tossed it to Geryon.
“Well,” he said a bit dejectedly, “looks like the Boss wants us to send these three cretins back where they can do so more damage.”
“Wait, what?” Said Geryon confusedly.
“Looks like the friggin virus we unleashed isn’t doing what we want and starting World War III. Instead people are helping each other and
perpetrating selfless acts of kindness and good will. Or, exactly NOT what the Boss wanted to happen, so it’s back up there for them to try to bring
some chaos to the world.”
The Three Idiots looked at each other expectantly and with a little bit of surprise.
“So, what happens now?” Asked Slender.
“You get deputized and then given some mortal realm to wreak havoc over,” replied Baal. “Make it quick, pick a career path.” He implored.
“I want to be the bane of strip clubs everywhere!” Cried Slender.
“DONE!” Cried Baal, “Return, Slendebus, Demon of Women Named Tiffany and Sierra!” Causing Slender to rocket upwards in a noxious and sulfurous
“You!” said Geryon while pointing at Creeper.
“Uh, elementary schools?” He asked sleepily.
“DONE!” Cried Baal a second time, “Return, Creepoloch, Demon of Making Children Uncomfortable!” And he too vanished in a vaporous cloud.
“Well,” said Heels looking around and now munching on a pangolin pancake, “I guess that leaves me. I want to wreck every buffet on the
planet!” He cried.
“DONE!” Cried Baal for the third time, “Return, Heelzebub, Demon of Selected Gluttony!” But Heels only lifted a few feet off the floor. Baal
struggled and rose his claws higher causing Heels to marginally move up a few more feet. “I could use some help with this one, Geryon!” He
grimaced to his companion who then lent his assistance to send the corpulent fledgling demon back to earth.
Back on the surface world three separate flashed appeared near the famous ‘Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas’ sign which was followed by the now
reddish-auraed forms of three returned visitors.
“So, what’s different between now and before?” Asked Heelzebub with some consternation.
“I don’t know, and I don’t care,” cried Creepoloch, “I’m going to play kickball!” He cried and ran off in the direction of Louis Weiner
Junior Elementary School, stubby bat wings flapping behind him.
“I suppose,” started Slendebus while placing a newly-taloned hand over his compatriot’s shoulder, “that it’s official now. We really
aren’t nice people.”
“Yeah,” said Heelzebub wistfully while fidgeting with his barbed tail and then lowering her voice, “but we’ll never be as bad as Her,” while
looking around to make sure he was not overheard.
“No,” replied his friend, “She’d eat the baby and
the dingo and then ask for seconds.”
“You know now that you mentioned eating a dingo,” started Heelz, “I’m kinda…”
“…hungry,” interrupted Slendebus, “I know. Let’s hit the Spearmint Rhino, they have a killer buffet, we can make it a two’fer and do our
The End? The Hell it is.
edit on 17-4-2020 by AugustusMasonicus because: networkdude has no beer but he does have Corona