If this shelter in place doesnt end soon I am going to end up divorced...

originally posted by: Irishhaf
Seriously I am at my wits end with this woman, the last 4 or 5 days she wont do anything unless I ask her to, I get the kid from almost the moment he is up, I have to rock him to sleep, I am doing the dishes, trying to finish unpacking, yard work, masters program home work, trying to keep communication up with a couple airmen so we know where and when to get back to work.

She says I am not worried because you do enough for us both, and on top of all that she has been badgering me for the last 3 days to play a fricking board game and trying to guilt me when I dont do it.

Cause my only free time has been when he is napping or asleep that's it I have been going 100 mph since we were sent home with shelter in place on the 12th.

I am on prescription acid reflux meds and I am so fricking stressed they aren't stopping it anymore, I have watched her zone in on her phone/laptop/TV while she "had the kid" and I am trying to do home work and he is trying to get food or drink, or have a book read and I end up doing it and she goes sorry.

I dont know if its anxiety, depression or what but FFS she needs to talk to someone and so do I for that matter cause I am at my wits fricking end.

You know, deep down, that you are letting her do this. Stand down, grab a beer and say screw this, you take care of it .

Good luck !

She's a housewife, right? How old's the kiddo? If memory serves, this is your first kid, right? First timers ALWAYS overdo it in the Crap To Stress Over department, every single one of us that was a first-time parent overdid everything. Then the second comes along, if you have one, and you drop that anal retentive stuff like a bad habit because it's not convenient anymore and you know better anyway. Tell her I was the housewife with a 15 month old and a newborn (we call them the "almost Irish twins") She'll adapt, if she loosens up a little and picks her parent stresses more wisely.


On the marital front, first thing first is humor, both of you have to inject some if you're going to survive so much one-on-one time. I suggest every time someone so much as clears their throat, jokingly yell "Oh my god, you have the corona death!!" My kids have been doing this, someone disturbs dust somewhere & sneezes, and one kid will yell something like "AHHH, we're doomed, the death dealer lives here!" Or my personal favorite, "Nuke our house from orbit, it's the only way we can be sure." Kid has the meme down, lmfao. Find something about this to make into an inside (family) joke, and use it to release a little anxiety through laughs -- it works.

Most importantly, though, she does need to buck up a bit with the household and parental stuff. There's just no excuse outside of (hidden) mental health problems to offload it all on to someone else because we're stressed out. The only way to evenly divide anything right now is to just say it. Put it on the table and discuss, otherwise nothing will change. If she's just being self-centered and using the current atmosphere for her gain, it needs addressed, definitely. If it comes to light she has postpartum depression and needs help, at least you managed to get it out of her in those discussions. If you don't talk, you won't know, so TALK.

a reply to: underwerks

I disagree, that can be withheld long as the male counterpart knows how to fold the downstairs clothes LOL

a reply to: Irishhaf

Welcome to running a home!!!!

originally posted by: FyreByrd
a reply to: Irishhaf

Welcome to running a home!!!!

Its way more work than a regular job.

a reply to: Irishhaf

Sorry friend.... Michigan here we started quarantine midnight for 3 weeks tonight.

My wife....so darling...is a GEMINI. The twins. I never know which 1 Im talking to min to the next.

Oh. Our new pup? Yorkie-demon-problem child that he is...Gemini the twins.....Im doomed.

With the 2 of them...I get the 4 of them....sigh

a reply to: Irishhaf

What the? dbl post, removed by Me

Get her pregnant again to give her something to do.

Actually, that was sarcasm. Don't do that.

Went through the same crap with my ex-wife. Divorced her so that she could experience what being an adult is like with no one to pay the bills for her is like.

It's been three years, and she's grown a bit.

If I was going through what you're going through I'd have a serious conversation with her. It's not right that all she is doing is distracting herself with social media and leaving you to do all the work on top of your other responsibilities.

a reply to: mysterioustranger

Good luck I go back to work Monday and I cant wait to do so, heck might even work some extra hours to get some peace inspecting the planes.

originally posted by: Irishhaf
a reply to: mysterioustranger

Good luck I go back to work Monday and I cant wait to do so, heck might even work some extra hours to get some peace inspecting the planes.

Hey, good luck and stay healthy...best, MS

a reply to: Irishhaf

Just be thankful for the life we are presently blessed with. We have a chance still that tomorrow will be better. Gratitude is so important. Who cares if it seems unfair, just bless her and give it your best.

Ask the Universe/God for help and be sincere.

And when times get tough, don't yell or get upset. Immediately try to remember to ask the Universe for help.

Get some rest and be honest without allowing your stress to poison your words.

a reply to: Fallingdown

He could chloroform himself. That will get her up and moving.

I'm thinking divorce lawyers are gonna be pretty busy when this is over.

Perhaps I now have the time to complete a full law degree.

a reply to: Irishhaf
I had a similar scenario in grad school. 2 year old I refused to leave with a sitter while not doing school related stuff. My ex worked evenings. I would get home from school then spend time with son till 7-8pm then bed. I'd wake up ~2-3 a.m. to read/study before class/residency/work. Good luck bud.

a reply to: Irishhaf
I worked 2nd shift during my marriage, here's the nugget of wisdom I use tell the guys on 2nd when they were pinneing away.... First your PO if they are not awake when you get off work since they are first shifters, after a while you will be PO if they are awake when you get off work. I personalty believe working 2nd shift made 29 years of marriage tolerable, we both loved each other but couldn't stand long periods of being together.

a reply to: Tim2win

If he gets a divorce and there’s a kid involved the wife’s probably going to end up with the house .

Then where is he going to quarantine ?

a reply to: Fallingdown

I'm not advocating divorce, just saing that many will probably consider it over the next while.

I worked on a cruise ship for a long time, some married couples were ready to kill each other after a week of holidays togeather.

Maybe crime scene investigaters will be busy too. I'm also not advocating murder.

Bicarb soda neutralizes stomach acid in seconds, acidreflux meds are useless.

Here’s an idea, play the freaking board game.
She’s watching the kid her way, not your way, and it’s maddening I know. Been there.
Put headphones on and shut the door for work.
I’ve been married 23 years now, kids are 18 and 15. Little ones are tough, but imagine not being able to put them to bed every night. And how wreck-less she may be if she had custody. That’s saved my marriage 1000s of times.

1. I suspect you are not alone having to spend more time with a spouse/significant other threatening to end the relationship.

2. Professional help is probably absolutely critical.

3. Her degree of ATTACHMENT DISORDER HAS TO Be sizeable--as yours may well be.

3.1 What was her relationship with her dad like?

3.2 How much of a quality dad was he vs the opposite?

3.3 How generally lazy vs diligent & disciplined has she been over her life?

3.4 How generally selfish vs selfish has she been over her life? Ditto both parents?

3.5 How entitled was she trained to feel?

3.6 How insightful was she trained to be vs not much or not at all?

3.7 How often does she tune into you and initiate trying to take care of your needs & preferences? Has that changed from the beginning of your relationship?

3.8 I'm fiercely resistant to divorce for kid's sake. But there are points of diminishing returns. If there is a divorce, I REALLY HOPE YOU DO ALL YOU CAN TO PREVENT SUCH AN IRRESPONSIBLE SELFISH PERSON FROM GETTING CUSTODY. IT WOULD DOOM THE KID TO A LIFE OF SIMILAR MISERY, or worse, prison.

4. You sound like you have a lot going for you other than being a bit clueless about your choice of a life partner. Attachment disorder is a bitch & blinds us all to some degree or another.

BTW, best Attachment Disorder book I know is: ATTACHMENTS: WHY YOU LOVE, FEEL & DO THE THINGS YOU DO by Drs Sibcy & Clinton

5. You must work some way out to get your needs met--at least for some sanity, solitude, recharging, peace etc. At least a minimum enough to help you finish your studies successfully. That's certainly a high priority.

6. You sound like a neat guy. I hope you have some friends to help recharge your batteries & encourage you.

7. If she will not agree to therapy AND COOPERATE with therapy--then I'd seriously consider cutting my losses--or at least minimizing her destructiveness to me & the kid--somehow.

8. Are her parents alive? Siblings? ANYONE she respects that have her number and would be willing to TRY & talk some sense into her?

9. SEEMS TO THIS PSYCHOLOGIST FROM THIS LITTLE INFO & DISTANCE THAT HER SELFISHNESS & clueless lack of insight are key issues. If she is not willing to address those & improve on those scores, then you are looking at a very dysfunctional relationship, imho.

10. Be at peace within yourself as much as you can. Take 2-5 minutes & calm yourself several times a day if it is only by breathing more slowly, deeply; by contemplating nature scenes if only from your memory; by recalling pleasant times with people you love & whom you know love you--etc.

11. Avoid studying the same thing for more than 20 minutes. Change something significant about what you are studying every 20 minutes. Otherwise, your brain begins to 'feel' overloaded & start resisting what you are trying to get to take root in your memory. Short repeated sessions are much better and more effective with brain stuff. Learning tennis--takes 2 hours at a whack of training muscle memory.

12. God's best to you. As I recall you & your situation, Plan to pray for you this week.

Cheers.


10.

a reply to: Tim2win

Well there’s one thing for sure about his situation .

It’s well past the “Yes Dear” phase.