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Being subjected to physical and mental abuse.

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posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:23 PM
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Right😒 where do I start.. I need some real advice and help from my fellow ATS members cause I don't know what to do.. so embarrassing, I'm with a partner and when she has a drink her (yes her) head changes.

She gets uncontrollable and it just gets wild... Some new people have just moved upstairs and they've just probably heard the latest episode and I know because I'm the guy I'm gonna look like the one in the wrong 😔.. I love her so much and when she doesn't drink it's perfect.. please guys I need help I'm at my wit's end 😢 advice please my brothers and sisters 💔




posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:33 PM
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a reply to: DiddyC

Nothing will eat away at relationship like booze.

If she has a problem and this happens all the time I'd consider options. No one deserves to be in a position like that.

Have you talked to her about it?



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:35 PM
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a reply to: DiddyC

An emoji fest....yaahoo








rehab sometimes work. What ever you do, don't let her drink and drive; But sometimes a little jail time straightens people out as well.
edit on 19-2-2020 by olaru12 because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:38 PM
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Leave her.



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:39 PM
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a reply to: DiddyC

Easy choice really.

Quit drinking or im out.

I don't know how long you've been together but alcohol tends to bring out the real personality of the drinker. Lots of jerk alcoholics quit drinking and they are still jerks.

Just a heads up.



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:39 PM
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a reply to: DiddyC

ATS answer - duct tape or firearms - she wont drink anything if either are used " correctly "

real answer - do not ask internet forums - get intouch with a bona fide domestic abuse group - and speak to a real proffesional - and yes - there do cater for male victims [ some are single sex ]



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:43 PM
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a reply to: strongfp

Yes and she says she's gonna stop but I don't know. She's not a bad person, her mums just recently died and the relationship between them wasn't great and she didn't get no closure from that, I need to know how to help her.. sorry about putting this out there but what do I do .



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:44 PM
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a reply to: DiddyC

This book help me deal with a lot of my own issues:

www.amazon.com...

It could certain help you be at your best in helping her.

Here's another thing you might want to consider to shake up her mindset:

www.landmarkworldwide.com...

The Landmark people a little cultish and will hard sell so you spend all your money with them. But for myself and many of my friends the Forum gives a huge perspective on the depth of people's life suffering. There are 200 people usually taking it and inevitably there will be 3 or 4 people who's "story" is exactly like your own or your girlfriends. The people leading the Forum will then dissect the psychological issue before your eyes. It's really quite amazing and it's better than dragging your face over self-help book pages. It's like live theater. I thought my life was a train wreck until I took the Forum. Man, there are some people who share stuff that makes your head spin! Some people are really dealt some tough cards from the deck!


edit on 19-2-2020 by dfnj2015 because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:49 PM
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a reply to: dfnj2015

Thank you mate



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:49 PM
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Come on guys this is serious, who cares about bloody emojis
edit on 19-2-2020 by DiddyC because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:51 PM
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a reply to: DiddyC

I want to give you my support, and a bit of advice.

First and foremost, don't be embarrassed. You have no grounds for that. She has.

I am a guy, just like you are, and in a former relationship with a woman i was subjected to mental abuse and unfaithfulness. That relationship ended about 15 years ago. There were wonderful periods of time, then all hell broke loose, and we broke up. We started missing each other and ended up back together. Repetitive cycle. And then, one break-up was final. And it was for the better.

I really can't understand why i kept on forgiving, just to get hurt again. But at that time, i thought that even with all the BS, it was love. Now i know that it wasn't. I am a believer of people's ability to change, but some behavioral patterns seem to be fixed into an individual's DNA. Like being prone to physical or mental violence.

Look, i am not going to give you an advice such as "leave her now" or "stay with her and try to work your issues out somehow" because i only see your OP, i don't see the whole picture.

What i am going to advice you to do, is to look within yourself for the final answer. Ask yourself "am i actually happy in this relationship with her?" "Is this what i want from my life?" "Are there possibilities for things to improve over time, and with effort?"

These things are unbelievably hard no matter what you choose to do. Try to stay strong. I understand you, at least in this case.



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:54 PM
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a reply to: DiddyC

if she is an alcoholic, she will need to seek professional help. if she is a habitual drinker, you should suggest that she should not drink for a month every three months, for example. if she can do that, she can train herself to stop drinking. if she doesn't do anything, it will end badly anyway. once you are an alcoholic, addicted to alcohol, you will be one for life and a healthy partnership will hardly be possible.



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:57 PM
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a reply to: Finspiracy

Much love my brother and she did warn me that she had problems and she is trying to address them, when it's great it's great, she's lovely without that crap and it's not like it's every day but when she does it's like Groundhog Day.



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 01:59 PM
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a reply to: DiddyC
PM me if you like. I've been in your shoes Butty.



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 02:02 PM
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a reply to: oloufo

Thank you and that's what I'm trying to do, she's just pinky promised me( I know) that's what's she's gonna try and do and she generally don't break them, and she's never done that before. Ever 😏



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 02:03 PM
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a reply to: DiddyC

I'm so sad that you are dealing with this... and I'm so sad for your lady also. I'm sure this isn't who she wants to be in her heart of hearts. And I'm sure this isn't what she wants to do to you either. Sometimes we get stuck in bad places.

First and foremost, please take care of yourself. Get yourself some support and help. Maybe contact Al-Anon.

Where you go from there will probably depend on her. Does it happen often? Does she understand it's a problem? Does she want help? Does she want to stop drinking? What does she say when she's sober?

No need to answer me of course. Those are just questions for you to think about as you go forward. To help you figure out how best to help her and support her... or perhaps for you to decide how you can best help her.... or perhaps for you to decide if she wants your help and support (or anyone's help and support).

If you haven't already, you need to sit down and talk with her (when she's not drinking) and explain that this situation is out of control and you just can't watch her do this to herself any longer. Tell her you love her, and you want to be part of her solution, but you can only help her do it for herself... you cannot do it for her. Perhaps have a few ideas or suggestions to offer. I'm thinking that she's in such a place that she doesn't know what to do for herself, how to help herself.

It's a hell I wouldn't wish on either of you. But I do wish you both the best of luck and the brightest blessings.



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 02:04 PM
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a reply to: Cymru

Will do soon my Welsh brother, she wants to talk .



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 02:05 PM
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a reply to: DiddyC

A lot of people develop drinking problems and they just grow out of it.

Is this a recent thing or is it something that has happened throughout your entire relationship? It might be a phase, who knows. Either way, sounds like she needs to get her drinking under control before it creeps up on her and she becomes emotionally dependent on it, and then potentially worse, physically dependent.

Before you start to accuse her of being an alcoholic, try and get her to take a positive path for a month, maybe you two can start eating healthier or create some sort of goal like walking a certain amount each day, and weave in there 'sober March' or something like that. Her mind might be all over the place. But the worst thing you can do is call someone outright about their drinking.



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 02:07 PM
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Gotta go we're gonna talk thank you my brothers and sisters, knew I'd get some good advice from you guys♥️



posted on Feb, 19 2020 @ 02:16 PM
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a reply to: DiddyC


I hear you, got to see if you can get help try finding someone you can go together and see, anything that will spark that she needs to quit the drinking. My ex-wife drank like a fish and it was OK for a long time then she lost her Dad and things started spiraling out of control she wasn't really abusive just occasionally verbally so. But she would put away the alcohol, one time I went downstairs to sleep on the sofa trying to nice I snore and didn't want to wake her up. Wake up to her screaming and inch from my face what are you doing down here why aren't you upstairs very irrational #, since there was no argument going on beforehand. But get help anywhere you can, even a marriage therapist will bring up drinking and stuff. GOOD LUCK




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