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The Hive Mind. (In love with the queen) [YA2020]

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posted on Jan, 10 2020 @ 05:27 AM
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We are many.
We are safe in darkness but in the light we must travel.
Communication is our only law.
The home in which we were born is familiar.
Complex pathways we navigate easily.
Always expanding.
The territory is our birthright.

Now it is time.
We are ready to march.
Through the mudpits; past the jungle, into flatlands of great towers.
The lands most of us have heard but never seen.
We meet in the hall 10,000 strong.
Dirt packed hard, illuminated only by small burrow holes above us.
Tension was in the air and she was about to address.
We love her.
She was the most beautiful thing in the hive.
Thoughts of inspiration echoed through us all.
The sweet ponds that have fed us are almost gone.
Trapped hypnotic like a trance, we move in unison.
In darkness and silence, shaking our gasters.
"The colony for food, food for the colony."
The thoughts echoing in all of our heads.
If she says its time then it's time.
We are ready.
We march forwards and upwards; downwards and sideways,
backwards and back around.
Finally we reach the furthest point we have ever been.
The burrow hole growing in size as our spot in line charges forward.

Warmth. It's getting warmer.
Bright. It's getting brighter.
Closer... Closer... Closer...
As we approach a furious giant demolishes the opening of our burrow.

"BOOM!"...

The light goes.
We fall with the dirt and the darkness.
....."I love her, I love my queen."

"Hey Susan?"
"Yeah hun?"
"I think we have an ant problem."



edit on 10-1-2020 by SupermassiveBlackHOLE because: dont kill me mods




posted on Jan, 10 2020 @ 06:02 AM
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a reply to: SupermassiveBlackHOLE

It kinda makes your skin crawl. Well written, at first I thought bees, but the ground led to ants.
I am not sure how to flag this but it needs one.




posted on Jan, 10 2020 @ 06:14 AM
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I almost went with bees.
Then I thought of the very last line and felt like it worked better with ants.
I had so many ideas for this one and scrapped em, finally just wrote this in about 20 mins
right onto ats (reason for all the edits.)

Thanks so much for the input zrexx!

I wont tell you how to flag but im sure you'll figure it out



posted on Jan, 10 2020 @ 10:57 AM
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a reply to: SupermassiveBlackHOLE

Love it! First thought that came to mind was bees, but my second thought was "You know this could work for vampires, like on that movie Priest!" lol! So the ants were a nice surprise. I don't know why my brain went to vampires instead of ants. I know- I'm weird! Good job!



posted on Jan, 10 2020 @ 01:03 PM
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Cool story I like it. Nice descriptive writing S & F my friend!



posted on Jan, 10 2020 @ 06:32 PM
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Geaux- you know your the second person who said bees was their first thought... which is funny because bees was
my original idea...
Now im thinking i might of blown it... can a colony of ants be reffered to as a hive?
Kinda mad i wrote this so quickly. looking back theres a few things id like to change but oh well.
Thanks buddy!


I appreciate it berkshire!!!!



posted on Jan, 10 2020 @ 09:33 PM
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a reply to: SupermassiveBlackHOLE

Graphic and vivid throughout and occasionally punctuated by staccato sentences that convey a sense of urgency and resoluteness. I can see why most would think of bees as the protagonist with phrases like, "Communication is our only law", "Complex pathways we navigate easily", and "Trapped hypnotic like a trance, we move in unison", not to mention the reference to a "hive" and a "queen". Overall it is skillfully done as it draws the reader onwards and outwards on the anthropomorhic ant's journey that ends abruptly by the "furious giant". I am curious about the word, "gasters" and what it's intended meaning is though I did conclude that it likely refers to mandibles or antenna. Great job!

PS. I especially liked the ending.
edit on 10-1-2020 by badwhiskey because: added a PS.

edit on 10-1-2020 by badwhiskey because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 10 2020 @ 09:49 PM
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Gasters is the word for the largest part of the body at the back of the ant.
They were shaking their asses hahaha
I definitely should of done more research on ants before I posted this.
I have rewritten it for myself but for this contest it is as it is.

As for the other parts. Most ant colonys do actually have only 1 queen.
I know a group of ants is called a colony so there is a discrepancy there.
Though ants do work under a "Hive mind mentality." So the meaning is not entirely lost...
Perhaps I wrote it that way intentionally to put space between the reader and the ending-
I guess we will never know


Thanks for the input badwhiskey!
edit on 10-1-2020 by SupermassiveBlackHOLE because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 11 2020 @ 03:23 PM
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a reply to: SupermassiveBlackHOLE

Nicely Written! Star and Flag Worthy for Sure!! S&F!!!




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