Well whata you know... hello midlife crisis

Yeah you are not alone. I'm in the same boat, just a few yrs older than you.

Though I would stay away from those dating websites. Had a covenant of witches on there trying to get me to drink and sin. You don't need that man. It's best to meet a good woman out in the real world, like at the grocery store.

I can relate to the pain of your loss. It's rough.

It's kinda scary to read your story, as it parallels mine in so many ways.

A variation of the whole phenomenon about 'everyone being the most beautiful woman' ...

Let's just say that previously, I would be very picky about whom I would even jokingly in my mind entertain the thought of being any kind of 'couple' with, and there was usually no emotion or feeling involved, and most people I wouldn't even look at much.

However, in this current situation, I have some kind of weird 'scanning mode' on constantly. I look at everyone, compare in my mind to the 'one' that brings me so much heartache every day (and that 'one' is the image I have inside of me, not the actual ignitor of the heart's engines), and people are starting to suddenly look SO good, and so 'potential'. It's quite scary to experience this kind of shift, where suddenly people look so good to me and I can imagine all kinds of emotional adventures going on between us.

It's pretty painful to basically be constantly rejected in my mind, when I scan people and just know they would never go for someone like me, and they look so good, and we could've had such adventures, and so on. Previously, people were just people to me, now they're 'potential emotional-romantic fulfillment' that I keep comparing to the heart's chosen one.

What a CRAZY thing a heart can be!

You have just begun to live ..
Crisis? Sounds like new beginnings to me!

Um, HOW long do you people plan on staying in one incarnation?

If one lives 84 years in one incarnation, that means their MIDDLE life point would be 42.

Do people usually live to 84 years? Maybe, sometimes.

Men's average incarnation time is around 68 years, and for women, it's 73 years.

So 84 is living inside one incarnation WAY longer than expected, or at least statistically speaking, be average.

34 would be the ACTUAL average mid-life point, so 42 is certainly reasonable for a mid-point of an incarnation, and most likely (statistically speaking), WAY past mid-life point of an incarnation.

If 42 is not the mid-life point, and is 'just beginning', then what is the mid-point? If it's 50, your life expectation would be 100 years! I don't think that would be a pleasant experience...

My good friend left this planet before reaching the big 30. So you never really know, perhaps many people have reached way before mid-life point by their 20s.

originally posted by: HODOSKE
dont be sad.

How can you talk about life and then remove one of the very crucial, basic ingredients of it?

Without sadness, life wouldn't be life.

BE SAD!

It's part of life to be sad. How can you enjoy JOY, if you are never sad? You shouldn't fluctuate between 'neutral' and 'joy' - going all the way to SAD will just make you bounce into much higher levels of JOY as well. Think about a rubber ball - if you drop it to 'neutral', it won't bounce as high as if you let it drop all the way to SAD.

People seem to have a tendency to try to AVOID all they judge to be 'bad'. So they try to not fear and avoid their fears (instead of confronting them), they try to not say what they really think, because it would be RUDE (another word for 'honesty', really, because it's the opposite of 'politeness', which is 'lie-based, programmed behaviour'), they try to push away trauma and anything that reminds them of trauma, so that in the end, they're just a tight knot full of stress that will then explode in destructive ways. Then people say "he was such a nice guy and a good neighbour".

Look, it's best to LIVE life instead of trying to AVOID it. Feel sad? GOOD! BE SAD! It's a unique experience that you may not always be able to experience, take full advantage while it lasts! Let sadness exist in you and observe it.

Midlife crisis just means... Get out there and live a little

I don't think that's what it means. I am no expert, but I'd tend to think it's more like 'panic about not being ABLE to live a little anymore'.

It's a realization that life is passing you by, your abilities are waning, your status is dissipating, your possibilities and opportunities are closing, you no longer 'can' - so many people obey their panic, and try to prop up their lives with all kinds of crap, desperately trying to 'live a little' before it's too late. Do you really think it helps them? Do you really think obeying a panic is wise, and gives you peace of mind and true satisfaction?

Hint: no, it doesn't. It's a stupid behaviour, as obeying emotions always is. Obey your soul, obey the Creator, obey the calmness and the peaceful love. The Universe isn't going anywhere, even if you don't get to 'live a little' in this incarnation. You can do it in some other, or inbetween, there's no hurry, there's no rush.

You are still you even if your body falls apart. If you are an interesting soul and have a fun personality, why would it matter what kind of packaging it comes in?

You had your time, you did already live 'a little', and what did that give you? Different physical ages offer different phases for different purposes. Not every single phase's purpose is to run around like a maniac in red sports cars trying to pick up as much booty as you can carry.

There's time for philosophy, contemplation, observation of nature and self, and nature of self. There's time for creativity, harmony, peace, meditation, cultivation and larger understanding of the Cosmic Reality of All Existence. There's even time for enlightenment.

In any case, 'mid-life crisis' means something is happening inside of you. How you REACT to it, is a completely different thing (and that's all you are talking about, really, not the crisis itself).

Spiralling down into this way of thinking is unhealthy and unrealistic.

First of all, how do you know it's "spiralling"? Secondly, who can judge what's 'healthy' or 'unhealthy' for someone's spiritual and karmic needs? We need all kinds of experiences in life, that's why we have come to this kind of weird planet. Why are you trying to label, limit, organize and narrow the vast human experience to pre-determined boxes and sterotypes? Maybe what's unhealthy for you, might be healthy phase for him?

Third of all, 'unrealistic'? So you are attacking your own judgment? I agree that "spiralling down" sounds very unrealistic, but I don't know what you mean by "unrealistic".

Maybe it's better to think things through a bit before rushing to type an unhelpful post, whose purpose seems to be judgment and advocating the 'professional help' (that has done more harm than good for the most part, and which is usually no better than talking to a friend).

a reply to: Shoujikina

Um, HOW long do you people plan on staying in one incarnation?

Most of us don't plan our deaths. We just live while we're still alive. Life is what we make of it, yes? And that's just as true at 40 as it is at 20 or 60... Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

The first 20 years are basically just growing into ourselves. The next 20 years are exploring ourselves and our strengths and our weaknesses and our likes and dislikes and so on. The next 40 years we hopefully know ourselves better, and we can build and expand on the previous years... As we live, we learn and we grow. We are never the same person that we were 20 years before... or even ten years before... even one year before.

As long as we're still here, there's still life to be lived.