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Come on - worst jokes ever thread :)

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posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 01:59 PM
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The funniest thing is jokes which are so bad they are funny
here are mine....

I went to the grocery store and got some milk
cashier said `would you like your milk in a bag sir`?
i said `no id rather keep it in the carton thanks`!

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why did they build a wall around the cemetary
because people were dying to get in!

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did you hear about the clock who starting doing comedy?
great jokes, bad timing

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did you hear about the guy who stole a calender?
he got 6 months!

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my phone was ringing, i answered it but all i could hear was `achooo achooo`
it was a cold caller

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i had a knock at the door, i opened it and a ten foot tall mosquito punched me in the nose
apparently theres a nasty bug going round

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why did the blind man turn down the job offer?
he just couldnt see himself doing it

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i got married over the phone last week
great food, bad reception

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edit on 30-12-2019 by PandaPrincess because: (no reason given)




posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:05 PM
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A man walks into a bar.
"Ouch."



posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:08 PM
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A string walks into a bar. The bartender tells him, that "we don't serve strings here..."

The string leaves... he ties himself up, messes up his hair, then returns to the bar.

The bartender says, "hey, aren't you a string?"

..."nope", says the string... "I'm a frayed knot!"



posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:09 PM
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originally posted by: Jason79
A man walks into a bar.
"Ouch."


that one isnt so much as cheesey as it is old



posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:10 PM
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Waiter: Would you like a box for your leftovers?

Customer: No but I will wrestle you for them.



posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:19 PM
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a reply to: PandaPrincess

What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
They both live in the ground, except for the eagle.

~drops Mic~



posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:20 PM
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Q: What do Christmas lights and Brian Epstein have in common ?

A: They don’t hang theirselves



posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:21 PM
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a reply to: PandaPrincess

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?









Because it died.



posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:22 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.

Bonus bad joke...

How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman?
Because you have to hollow out the head.




posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:24 PM
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a reply to: Lumenari

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?


They're making headlines.



posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:27 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.
One yells to the other, 'How do you get to the other side?'
The other blonde replies, 'You are on the other side!'

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.

(Sorry... my sister and I spent some time together this weekend and she has dyed her hair blonde. Is that considered Artificial Unintelligence?)




posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:28 PM
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a reply to: Lumenari

Two molecules are walking down the street.

One says, "I've lost an electron."

The other says, "Are you sure?"

And the first molecule says, "Yes, I'm positive."



posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:33 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a drink?”
The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”




posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:35 PM
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originally posted by: Lumenari
a reply to: DBCowboy

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a drink?”
The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”



A horse walks into a bar.

the bartender says, "Why the long face?"





The horse replies, "Just got a divorce."



posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:35 PM
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I would tell a joke about Jonestown

But the punchline is too long


PS

If we can’t tell dead hooker jokes that’s all I’ve got. 😇
edit on 30-12-2019 by Fallingdown because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:37 PM
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originally posted by: DBCowboy

originally posted by: Lumenari
a reply to: DBCowboy

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a drink?”
The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”



A horse walks into a bar.

the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The horse replies, "Just got a divorce."


A penguin, a priest and a clown walk into a bar.

The bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke?"



posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:39 PM
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a reply to: Lumenari

Do you know why we bury dead people?

Because the alive ones tend to kick and scream.



posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:40 PM
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originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: PandaPrincess

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?


come on guys your not even trying






Because it died.




posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:40 PM
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originally posted by: Fallingdown

If we can’t tell dead hooker jokes that’s all I’ve got. 😇


Testing the waters then...

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
You don't cry when you chop up a hooker!




posted on Dec, 30 2019 @ 02:41 PM
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originally posted by: Lumenari


A penguin, a priest and a clown walk into a bar.

The bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke?"





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