Where did Ward Austerbrun go?

I know there are a few people who like some of my adventures with a childhood friend named Ward Austerbrun. Granted, he was a crazy dude (creative genius, but crazy none the less). But, I had a lot of crazy friends as a kid (I love them all). So, this story isn't about Ward, but rather about another friend I called "Maffra". You see, 'Maffra" was a girl and her name was really "Martha", but my mom was from 'Bah-ston' (Boston) and she pronounced everything weird. 'Maffra" was the same exact age as me, and our parents were drunken bridge playing friends. So Martha, was "Maffra".

Anyway, Maffra didn't care what you called her, just so long as you called her whenever some freaky S# was going to go down (she was like that). Now, Maffra had a sister named Mary, and Mary was the responsible one (kinda like Laurie on Halloween). She'd normally be my babysitter when the parents were gone. Secretly though, Mary was cool, so the minute the parents were gone...me and Maffra were FREE!! And, we'd usually head off into the woods behind the house to do something nasty. Anyway, I digress. (but at least now, you have a picture of Maffra...and me).

So all of our families used to go up north to go skiing about 25 times per year, but usually on the weekends. Total drunk-fest for the 'rents, which was awesome for the kids. They didn't care when we came home...if ever. So there were our families and about 10 other families who would all go to this same ski resort (it was just a dumb ski resort really). At night, all the parents would get together and get stone drunk out of their skulls playing cards (bridge usually). All the kids (us), about 20 or so depending on the weekend, would go out and raise hell.

The favorite trick was to sneak into the dining hall and steal some serving trays by the kitchen. These were the old Bakelite trays, hard like stone and lined with cork. After we stole a few, we'd take them back to the condos and hot-wax them with ski wax. Then we'd take them out and use them as sleds to scoot down the ski slopes after dark. Lots of other kids tried to do the same, but this crew had it down with the waxed serving trays. The other kids would just use their sleds they got for Christmas or something...and usually wind up hurting themselves, getting tired or whatever and going home. Again, I digress.

So anyway, this ski place had a couple of features around the lodge. One, they had a heated pool you could swim in during winter, but it was closed at night. The other thing they had was an ice skating rink, complete with this crappy Austrian music. Well, the ice skating rink was built into the side of the hill, so the back of it was in the ground, and the front was about 10' feet off the ground by the ice rink side.

Now, for years when we'd slide down this hill, the common message was to miss the snow fence which surrounded the roof of the ice rink...else you'd fly off the roof onto the ice rink below. For some twisted reason this rule seemed unreasonable.

One day someone crashed through the snow fence and wiped out on top of the ice rink building (on skis). That night, we were out "traying" (as we called it). By the way, these waxed trays hauled ass!!! You would FLY down the hill on one of these! You had zero control, but you went fast as hell!! The really steep and fun side of the hill was over by the ice rink side, so you had to be sure to put your feet down to keep from blasting through the fence and sailing off onto the ice rink.

Just some physics and physiology here...falling from 10 feet onto a solid sheet of ice is not going to end well, no matter who you are!! But, the lip on the top of the ice rink building was really cool, it looked like a jump. It was a serious drift of snow which must have gone up about five feet on any given night.

Maffra always was crazy. So, one night she says..."I"m gonna' go for it!

And before we could stop her, she was off. It was a cold night, and the slopes were almost pure ice; she took off like a rocket. Seemed like she was goin' about 60mph on that tray. "WOOOOOO HOOOOO was all we heard, and we figured that was the LAST we'd ever hear of Maffra...because she'd certainly break her back or fracture her skull (or both) on the ice below.

We heard her hit the fence (she missed the opening) and saw her catch air off the cornice of snow. LOL...this was crazy!

THEN we heard a giant CRASH, sounded like breaking glass, and screams, then a bunch of commotion.

Maffra had sailed over the top of the edge of the ice rink and caught the umbrella on one of the parents tables by the pool, smashed their drunken card game and tumbled into the pool. The pool was covered with these foam mats to keep it warm at night, and she'd crashed through those. We were all certain Maffra was dead, but no...she jumps up and yells "Woooo Hooooo! again, bobbing up and down in the pool.

We practically got kicked out of the joint for that stunt that night, and every one of the drunken parents lectured us about Gawd knows what, but inside we were all laughing about Maffra's great stunt (and it really was epic).

Before that whole event, our parents thought the whole tray thing was "cute". After that, they were like the cops, turning us in for stealing trays to go "traying", but we still did it anyway. No one ever jumped the ice rink again, like Maffra did that night, but the legend of that lived on for quite a while.

Fun story anyway.

Later that same night, Maffra’s guardian angel received a “Meritorious Service Award” with Cosmic clusters, an Eternal Pension, enough Valium to tranquilize a moderately-sized solar system, and a Heavenly rocking chair in which to while away the rest of eternity in a quiet section of the Universe.

a reply to: Bhadhidar

LOL!! Yep, you're probably right!!

Too funny!

I'm weird.. Oh wait, Austburn... not Australian.

I can't read either.

meh.. *dances away with the imaginary folk*

Not trays, Lorry inner tubes. You can get a couple on them.