Adult copycat advice

This is a very first world problem and I get that, but just something that has been chapping my hide.

I'm a very artsy person, unique and maybe a little flamboyant by nature.
There have been people that have copied my style, my decor and such over the years.
Sometimes it bothers me, sometimes I take it as flattery.

This feels different...
I have a signature piece of jewelry that I love. It is one of the only pieces I wear.
Just imagine, something very very unique like a giant amber pendant on a leather rope, with a blue bead on it. It's not that, but you get the point.
It is very unique to me and I wear it all the time.

So I go out the other day and run into a friend, someone I consider a good friend............guess what she is wearing......Yep, that piece of jewelry. Not identical but as close to it as you probably can get or have made. There is absolutely no doubt it was an imitation of mine due to the nature of the item. I was a little stunned and just stood there looking at it.
Thoughts raced through my head like, is she trying to be me, why would she get something so similar, I was stunned.

For the guys out there like: huh???, imagine you got a purple mustang with a green stripe, and then your neighbor gets a purple mustang with a light green stripe, but there's more, they wear a fedora that looks just like your fedora while driving it. that's what we're talking about here. Isn't that a little weird and off-putting? You obviously got the green and purple mustang because you didn't want the black like everyone else had. Maybe you love the color combo and it's your thing...

The drama continues.. I go to her house. She is in the process of re-painting her walls,.............. the exact same color as mine.
She has a rug......... it's my rug. The exact fricken same rug, same pattern, same size, same color, exact twin of my rug. This is not something you can buy locally, you have to order it!
Twilight zone time....who is this person.

Is this weird, am I being too sensitive and should I just take this as flattery. I'm ok with home decor imitation, as I have a background in it and I am very skilled in it, I know people have a hard time finding style and often mimic others.

The jewelry aspect bothers me because that feels so much more personal. We are grown adults and to tell you the truth it would feel a little weird going to lunch or something and both of us are wearing the same very unique piece of jewelry. I almost feel like this is image identity theft or something.

I've read a little online and most advice says to distance yourself as there is more going on with a person that feels the need to emulate so much. Most children experience this and grow out of it, but some adults don't.
Maybe deep seated jealousy, deep insecurity or even mental issues.
Anyone deal with someone like this?

It seems to me you have two options -

1. tell her you've noticed and it bothers you. Honesty should never hurt anyone if delivered with tact.

2. distance yourself from her completely.... You don't owe anyone a reason. If it makes you uncomfortable, that's enough.

a reply to: JAGStorm

Unfortunately, unless you patent the style, all I can offer for advice is just vent out your frustrations because there really isn't anything else you can do.

I totally understand your frustrations. When we have something personal that others want to take part of, it's maddening, especially when we create it ourselves and put in it so much passion.

At the same time - I say that it really is an inspiration towards your creativity and as well you inspired them to steal your idea.

Still, you created something others adore.

So she is committing bling aspiration?
Sounds like she might want to be you , if you have any mutual friends maybe ask how she acts when she is with them and you aren't there.
Maybe take a peek in her wardrobe and see if it looks familiar?
Seems a little bit creepy.

a reply to: StallionDuck

At the same time - I say that it really is an inspiration towards your creativity and as well you inspired then to steal your idea.
Still, you created something others adore.

Thank you, that was nice of you to say. You must also be an artist or appreciate the arts.

The problem i'm struggling with is where do you draw the line. I know that all humans mimic to a degree.
But there is a point that is just gets weird and maybe turns into something else.

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: StallionDuck

At the same time - I say that it really is an inspiration towards your creativity and as well you inspired then to steal your idea.
Still, you created something others adore.

Thank you, that was nice of you to say. You must also be an artist or appreciate the arts.

The problem i'm struggling with is where do you draw the line. I know that all humans mimic to a degree.
But there is a point that is just gets weird and maybe turns into something else.

Absolutely. I see everything in life a semblance to art in one fashion or another - no matter how dark it can be. My passion is creating... something. Nothing gives me more 'feelz' than creating something that no one has ever created. I'm proud of it and I want to share it and give it to the first person who adores it. I think I enjoy it most simply because someone wants something that I... ME... the lowly person that I think I am... created something that someone else wants. I guess it's psychological and it gives me a sense of worth, not just purpose. Yeah, I'm sure I could keep a psychologist busy for a while but then... It does take a bit of a crazy person to express their deep, hidden, personal talents into something someone can see and adore, even if they don't know the feeling behind it. They can project their own feeling upon it and it becomes something new.

With any luck... Maybe it'll get passed around, kicked around or suddenly re-found after a thousand years so to give my meaning a bit of longevity - so that my purpose was not in vain.

I do a lot in the way of art. I draw, paint, write, write music, poetry, songs, craft silly things that interest me at the time, play games that allow me to actually build something that looks real, block by block... Anything I can do to create. That seems to be the only thing in my life that I don't ADD - Squirrel away from. ...even though I don't think I've ever made something that I felt like it was completed. It's NEVER completed no matter what I do, lol. It is just as much frustrating as it is soothing.


Still... I can't say be selfless and love the fact that someone adores something made by your hand and your mind and your heart and your passion, adores it enough that they went through whatever effort to copy yours for themselves. Never know when you'll inspire someone to create their own desires. Perhaps this is how art began, where a bard picked a string that inspired Mozart, or a drawing that inspired Picasso or Da Vinci. Who knows... Whether you become a famous artist or not, you may inspire the next generation of artists some indirect or direct way. You may even inspire the next Chopin and not even know it. Perhaps someone will take your art and build upon it in a way that not only becomes their own but the soul of which belongs to you.

I can't NOT say be selfish and covet your own pieces because when someone mimics or takes something from me that I put a lot of myself into, it makes me angry and makes me feel like they've taken a part of me without me giving it to them. They didn't give me the chance to offer it up selflessly. What's mine is mine until I give it to you freely and with purpose behind my heart - otherwise it's empty, curseful and void of goodness.



However... Do NOT let this be a kind of aggravation that dampens or desensitizes your creative spirit. Don't let this keep your creativity thriving in a world that really needs it.


Good luck and once again, sorry for your unsettling feelings. I do understand and would never judge a person should they feel betrayed for this reason.

a reply to: JAGStorm

Don't be so shy...


"Hey that necklace is just like mine! I've never seen another like it, where did you get it?"

"Hey that rug is just like mine! Where did you get it?"

"Hey I like this color, I have this in my kitchen! What made you choose that?"


Be excited and interested. She'll tell you everything you need to know one way or another.

a reply to: JAGStorm

You should just kill her, then you'll be the only person with that unique piece of jewelry and a murder indictment.

originally posted by: MarkOfTheV
a reply to: JAGStorm

Don't be so shy...


"Hey that necklace is just like mine! I've never seen another like it, where did you get it?"

"Hey that rug is just like mine! Where did you get it?"

"Hey I like this color, I have this in my kitchen! What made you choose that?"


Be excited and interested. She'll tell you everything you need to know one way or another.

That works a lot better than what I was thinking

"Hey you weird mofo, why you wearing my necklace"
"Hey, I see you like my rug so much your ordered the exact same one you weirdo"
"Hey, this wall color is great, did you take a paint chip from my house?"

You way sounds better, maybe I need to work on my people skills.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: JAGStorm

You should just kill her, then you'll be the only person with that unique piece of jewelry and a murder indictment.

You know the weird thing, you sound like my mom. Whenever us kids would fight my mom would say,
"just kill each other and no more problems." we would instantly stop fighting! ha

a reply to: JAGStorm

You're mom was probably joking.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: JAGStorm

You're mom was probably joking.

You don't know my mom.

a reply to: JAGStorm

You sure?

a reply to: JAGStorm

Adult copycat advice

My sympathies!! I was a designer/artisan making Sterling Jewelry and other items for over 25 years. My partner and I traveled the world doing the wholesale markets and retail shows as well. Design thieves are everywhere and they will mass produce your designs so fast it's astonishing. It's one of the reasons I went back into one of a kind architectural sculptural ceramics and operating my own Gallery/studio.

Good Luck, I know full well how you feel about being ripped off!! I spent a fortune on attorneys sending out cease and desist letters, and they still didn't stop.

a reply to: JAGStorm

Well... I'm sure that the family tree of copycats has a direct lineage to sociopathy.

Angering or antagonizing these personalities with paranoid and conceited accusations probably wouldn't improve your situation and headspace.... might even make it worse.

Play nice and play smart. Ya catch more flies with honey!

a reply to: JAGStorm

I personally feel it's a sign of one of the personality disorders.

Especially among women (or in my case once, the more effeminate gay men), you might be looking at Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

You already asked, where is the "border"?
But it's actually they who have no identity border, but they will turn it around and make you seem abnormal and eventually questioning your own sanity.

Lots on YouTube on BPD and other personality disorders for you to see if some other stuff correlates.

Well in my twenties I had a gay friend (I'm queer too just on the more bisexual, masculine spectrum) and he told everyone he was doing his MA in English, and I worked at a video store. Meanwhile it was the other way round - I was doing my MA, and he worked at the video store. So yeah, he stole my identity, and right in front of me. Later I discovered his sister had the same problem. Ran in the family!

And these people are master manipulators. Once you share friends they will twist those friends against you, and make you out as the copycat!

The only thing to really do is cut them off.

originally posted by: JAGStorm
I've read a little online and most advice says to distance yourself as there is more going on with a person that feels the need to emulate so much. Most children experience this and grow out of it, but some adults don't.
Maybe deep seated jealousy, deep insecurity or even mental issues.
Anyone deal with someone like this?

It's possible that she just has no style of her own and is only copying you because she'd be clueless as to how to decorate otherwise, BUT... The chances of her being dangerous are too great to take the risk of not immediately distancing yourself, imo. And if she's the dangerous kind of copier, then stay far away. There are cases of people murdering the people they're trying to emulate because they feel like they won't have any identity until they do, or they feel like they can only "become" the other person when they're gone... ESPECIALLY if she's obsessed with your spouse/boyfriend/significant other and wants him for herself. Do you have a significant other that this person might be obsessed with?

a reply to: JAGStorm

Hi Jag.
Was gonna write a deeper piece, about how we are not our decorations, but there is something that we seem to attach to in our creations. But kinda feel you may not be interested in that.

Instead: even if it does freak you out a bit, this does provide for some wildly humerous opportunities:

1: Tell her you have started a pee-pee therapy, and are drinking your own urine every day.
2: Tell her you have quit using toilet paper. When she asks what you do, just wink and do the 'shhhh' sign.
3: Wear outlandish hats, or any crazy style piece.
4: Wear Dollar-General perfume, and tell her that, or say that it was an incredibly expensive one.
5: other members can surely come-up with better options.... LoL !


Anyways, you get the general idea.
It's to get her wondering about your tastes after all, and perhaps force her to examine her own tastes.

When you think about it: we think we have 'choice- in consumer goods, but it's really the illusion of choice.
Coats, cars, shoes, fridges... There's only so many variations of these things, no ?
Home-made stuff is different, sure: but consider studies done that show that after so many years of having this 'illusion of choice', our creativity possibilities are more and more limited.
Just listen to the radio... LoL !

We laugh at the same jokes, we like 80% of the same stuff.
Maybe we aren't as original as we like to think ?

Thinking back to my teen years when my younger sister would wear my clothes without permission, I remember that it made me really angry because I felt my clothes were part of my identity. As an adult I once had a co-worker show up in the exact same dress as me and that made me uncomfortable. However, if someone copies my style I am flattered. They obviously admire my taste, so what's not to like? I wonder if in the back of your mind you are worried this person is mocking you?

Sal

a reply to: JAGStorm

What I wonder about, do you ever feel you're walking around this friend on eggshells?

If anyone should upset them they fly into a rage or fury?
Do they give you the silent treatment, or you find them first interesting because they are "temperamental"?
Usually you get warnings and hints from those around you too, long before they use you as a punchbag.

Combined with that, that is not temperament.
You're probably looking at somebody who will seriously end up hurting you.

Friends should be able to confront each about things like that, but it seems like you're already too cautious about triggering them.
A red flag in my opinion.

Although at first they're very giving, and take your sides in arguments, but then you start noticing, their compliments become more and more backhanded critiques (for example, your shirt is nice, but your teeth look yellow).
And eventually you see they they lie and have a blow-out where they will take immense pleasure in causing you pain, because they've had a seething jealousy of you all along. And they leave you wondering - what hit me? No, you don't need that in your life.