I think my whole world is caving in. I’m devastated. Even my children say I’m losing weight.
think looking back over the last 20 years I am married to a narcissist
About a month ago she started joking she wants a lover and that I should be fine with that” she then claimed it was a joke,
Our son put that thought ion her head and yet we put up with his tantrums for the last 3 years cleaning up after him
She says I don’t let her breathe because I want a clean kitchen and yet both their bedrooms are spotless. She never let me have amps or surround
sound on as she said bass was too anxiety causing even though it was on low. And yet she watches a movie and on facebook all the time
Every time we sit down to watch a movie she asks me what’s it about and will only give it 5 minutes before she’s on the phone or we have to switch
movies or off to bed. So I give her comedies romantic comedies and even thats ( because she wants to laugh ) not good enough.
Waiting on counsellers to get back to us they’re flat out in this crazy world. Am I wasting time on counsellers?
I helped her through her depression and her numerous suicide attempts although she never really went anywhere serious with wrist slitting just running
away taking alcohol and refusing to eat.
She wanted a 6 figure job “because thats whats “shes worth”. I told her maybe she should take a lower paying job just till we stabilize for now.
She got a new job at 5 figures and has being staying out with new friends also claims she needs more people in her life. Younger people make her
“feel alive”. That “young energy”
“Jokingly” she said she wants a lover. But I think she meant it to get a reaction or semi-serious. I said you’re serious aren’t you?
She has always believed in fidelity and marriage but she been edging me on for a reaction. Probably to justify infidelity or getting me to be angry
and lose control.
Comes home and talks to her work people in “our time” on the phone; even though her boss was happy with a text she insisted on ringing her to
discuss it further.
Now she’s starting a paper trail that I’ve been yelling at her. She said she was going to give me a list of the events and new friends she wanted
to make over the next 7 weeks and catch up with old friends before xmas just so I know whats up. I’m still waiting for that list of people or
Has time to bake cake for son for his new job when he could have just bought one
Burnt the cake 2 times because she walked away and tried to do other things at once. I rescued the 3rd attempt, I didn’t see the son offer to
replenish the cake mix the next day, or no time for her to bake me a cake so I dont have to spend money at work for a snack.
Hasn’t increased son’s board since he started new job 3 weeks ago “because he’s moving out soon”
We have to take his washing to his bedroom because he’s always “busy”.
Just like when we had an ironing lady he never paid us extra for his shirts to be ironed
They both claim I’m always thinking about money
And yet they like the finer things in life like, he’ll spend $100 on a scotch tasting night but
She hasn’t asked him for reimbursement of a $500 expense because “he is too busy”. I was left looking stupid at the supermarket when ou card was
(To the covert narcissist their image is more important than who they really are)
(They know their public behaviors are different than their private, if they didn’t know it was wrong they would be like that all the time. Why
doesn’t she swear in public or snap at the dog or me in public? ) (they know what they’re doing and they don’t want to change)
(Narcissists use sex as a bonding tool to hook you on their energy. Sex can be an excellent instrument for inducing trance states, which is how they
seize control of your attention.
Naturally, during deep sharing all of your attention is on your partner. Using a method called bait-and-switch, they amplify intensity and then
quickly withdraw. It gives them a way to test how deeply invested you are in them.
If you are hooked, the emptiness that ensues as a result of their sudden retreat will make you crave more. This gives them a huge bargaining power
over you. Now they are free to start making demands and dropping suggestions. If you don’t comply, you’ll be starved of their sweet poison.
Many victims of severe mistreatment who stay in abusive relationships admit that the reason is because the sex was so good)
(Instead of your drug of choice, in this form of addiction we are dealing with powerful neuro-chemicals your own body produces, such as oxytocin,
norepinephrine, dopamine and cortisol.
This makes it much harder to wean yourself off, as the chemicals are generated by your thoughts and emotional states. It can take 18 to 22 months
after ending the relationship for the chemicals to return to balanced levels.)
Says money is tight so I didn’t fly across for sons graduation and yet there was money for her flight.
I asked her why don’t we go away for a holiday even for a couple of days “she says we have to see a counselor first”
For 20 odd years the sex has been on and off. For the last 3 years it was her menopause or depression or dryness or when we’re overseas the sex is
She says she wants romance and yet spontaneity
And yet by the time we go out and have dinner she is already exhausted because she always skips breakfast or overindulges.
I try to wine and dine her as she says she likes romance and yet that does not guarantee sex as she overindulges and then gets sick or tired and
sleepy. So its 8pm in bed on a Saturday night.
When we try to “plan” sex she says it’s too mechanical as I occasionally take some Viagra. Well these chemicals take time to work. It doesn’t
help when she says “call me when you’re ready”.
I ask her to buy some sexy lingerie and she sees it as a waste of money.
And yet she wears power clothes with loose buttons and push up bras and says she doesn’t realize she has this effect on men. Even one of her male
colleagues told her to be careful as the way men look at her.
Lately she’s been self-stimulating and then says “too late she couldn’t wait” She doesn’t feel like it when I want it but will do it to shut
me up. She never tells me “how about it”.
Oh she did want it a quicky “hangry sex” when she has a stressful day at work.
We had good sex and then it went bad again, she’s listening to these people who say you can stay married and have extra marital affairs by just
Says it is important she bonds with people at work and I went along with her even on a Sunday night
Then when I want friends over for dinner she starts to laugh over silly things and mocks and forgets when I described them being vegetarian etc.
She remembers everything about work, but snip about our life, like the budget or savings goals.
When we go for drives she doesn’t talk saying she talks too much at work and just wants to chill.
She’s repeating the same pattern as her last job seeking the accolades and promotion and when knocked back quit to become self-employed. Now she
comes home exhausted and she won’t even do the family books or crap around home and we have to look after her dog for her. She won’t even toilet
exercise him, we’ve lost count of the turds and piss we’ve picked up
edit on 14-11-2019 by BrianDavis because: (no reason given)
edit on 14-11-2019 by BrianDavis because: trying to edit. Having