a reply to: Sabrechucker
When I was around 3 years old, my dad took me out to the shore. I was walking on a rock wall while my dad walked beside me. For some reason, this
was the day I was supposed to get "the talk".
"One day you're going to meet a nice man and fall in love with him, and then you will want to marry him...." my dad started. I interrupted him and
said "I want to marry you daddy!"
"I can't," He said. "I love your mommy. Your mommy and I are married, so you see, I can't marry you. You'll find someone else, someday."
Fast forward, and I'm almost 5. It's early December. My mom calls me into the kitchen. I go into the kitchen and find my mother and father sitting
at the kitchen table. I present myself, and stand in front of them. They are very serious, and I'm afraid that I'm in trouble, so I start to shake a
little. They don't notice.
My mother starts, "Mommy and daddy don't love each other any more, and we're going to get a divorce," very matter fact.
I knew what divorce was, because the neighbors got one, and it was all everybody talked about.
My dad starts talking and says, "We want to know who you want to live with, because mommy and I will be living in different houses from now on."
My parents grew impatient and insistent. "We need to know who you want to live with!"
"I don't know", I said. "How will Santa Clause know where to find me?" I questioned.
My mom coldly blurts out, there's no such think as Santa Clause!" And proceeds to tell me that they lied about Santa Clause, that they were on the
ones who bought the presents and how I should have figured that out myself, because we didn't have a fire place, no chimney for Santa to come down.
She threw in a little dig about how ungrateful we kids were, and how they, as parents, hadn't gotten any gratitude for the all the Christmas presents
THEY bought me in the past.
I was still reeling from the truth about Santa Clause, and how my parents lied to me and how they thought I was dumb for believing them about
something so silly, like Santa Clause in the first place!
"Is Jesus a lie to?" I asked.
My father smirked and my mother got mad. "OF COURSE JESUS IS REAL!"
I knew it wasn't true. Jesus couldn't be real if Santa Clause wasn't.
Now, back to the main question...."Who do you want to live with?"
Shocked, sad and disillusioned, I made the only choice a little girl who was almost 5 could make.
"Mommy", I said and started sobbing.
My dad protested, "But, remember when you asked me to marry you?"
"But you said no?!" I said and ran out of the room sobbing inconsolably.
My parents separated for a little while, but never divorced.
I've had trust issues and daddy issues ever since.