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20 year Friendship. Walk away or not?

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posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:00 PM
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Morning ATS Colleagues.

Just throwing this out there further to various previous threads in here.

I find myself in the curious position where after being Friends with a Woman for over 19 years and in a Relationship for the past 9, She now wants to go it alone.

We went through some very serious Family health issues for over 4 years which required 100% of our time and attention (this would put a strain on even the most robust relationship.) This is thankfully over now but the scars persist.

6 months ago She wanted "Her space" and for us to live apart as Boyfriend and Girlfriend (how quiant.)

We have socialised throughout this time with Her thinking we were being Friends . I obviously wanted more, a fact she completely missed.These evenings out invariably led to some petty mudslinging on both sides which always ends up with Her walking and occasionally running away.

She repeatedly picks up on one thing that "we should have done" and nothing else. Indeed , its something that could have been fixed in one short conversation . However, if I mention the slightest little thing She flies off the handle, unable to take ANY criticism.

Constantly talks about how I rounded Her as a person as I'm the sociable one, in spite of Her being chattier in public than me. Back in the day She was always painting the town red. (more on this further down.) She constantly mentions a new friend that shes found (her Shrink) but says she has no friends or anyone to talk to. On the drink most evenings/weekends and not just for a sharp one after work but a full night out with work the following day.

Speaking of "back in the day," Its been mentioned to me by someone who has known us both throughout teh 20 years that She's reverted back to her pre Mum lifestyle and as She has a Daughter now, that can only be a bad thing.

She now says She doesn't want me as a Friend at all which is daft as She only recently cried for She is pusing Her best friend away in her eyes.

She is currently mid flight down a slippery slope and although its painful to see I don't want to open myself up for any more hurt.

So, my quandry is, do I be there for Her as a Friend to help when things go south or do I just let Her crash and burn.

My heart says stay around for the sake of Her and her Daughter but my head says, protect yourslef and walk away, build a new life.

The preverbial rock and hard place situation .

Sorry if this seems a little disjointed but its stressing me out just typing it.




posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:03 PM
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Ooh not a good place to air out issues
You will get some bad bad replies

It’s obvious, she wants out of the relationship so get out before a whole heap more pain comes your way
Obvious isn’t it, possibly another bloke but you already know that?

You are a security blanket and while you are there she is safe and you are on a big hook, she is playing you.

Get out now, if she loses you she nay get the regrets and come back

But, is she shallow or not, if she is shallow, imagine how horrible the rest of your life is going to be

Two options, stay or go

Stay, hangs on, both you and her and in time if nothing changes, hits a reef, over

Go, end it and it’s over, or maybe she might realise what she lost or doesn’t

Go see a counselor, get professional advice
edit on 30-10-2019 by Raggedyman because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:07 PM
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a reply to: Cymru

It sounds like she is done.

Give her space and go do your own thing. If she's interested in being with you she will come looking for you.

Learn this. Nothing that you can do will make her love you if she's moved on.



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:08 PM
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a reply to: Cymru

If she doesn't want to be around, you don't want her around. Give her a hug and tell her goodbye and not to let the door hit her in the behind.



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:10 PM
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a reply to: Cymru




She now says She doesn't want me as a Friend at all


I think you have your answer.



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:15 PM
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a reply to: Cymru

You'll waste precious energy chasing after her. Don't do it.

If she's only pushing you away to get your attention, it will really get her attention if you don't take that bait. "There's yer sign."

These are tough because we only have one side of the story, and if we're honest, we have all been that person who doesn't reciprocate in a relationship (to some degree or another). That's not a criticism or an invitation to "open the crypt" on the complexities of a 20 year relationship. It's just plain truth.

Regardless, I wish you the best and this is just my 2 cents.
edit on 10/30/2019 by DictionaryOfExcuses because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:18 PM
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a reply to: Cymru

Life is too short to be rejected and unappreciated. I wish you well Cymru.



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:20 PM
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Its time to let her go



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:26 PM
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a reply to: Cymru

This is easy.
Move on.

I will assume you are close to the kids so make sure you do what you can to keep that relationship.
"Without any negative talk about the mother"..

You can't have a relationship with someone that doesn't want one with you.
Don't try.
Don't take her back later either.



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:27 PM
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a reply to: Cymru

Give her a see ya later (maybe) instead of a goodbye.

Take the time to focus on yourself, and activities, people and hobbies you may have neglected when your concentration was on your relationship, and what came along with it.

Hopefully you two can both find peace, and in the end life isn't over till it's over... You can make a completely new chapter if you allow yourself to do so.

I stress the above though on focusing on yourself and other things... Keep that mind busy to discourage it wondering off into areas it shouldn't be. Make sure to surround yourself with as much positivity as you can, and you will inherit such.



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:28 PM
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a reply to: Cymru

Walk...don't fool yourself...good luck, God Bless



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:33 PM
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a reply to: Cymru

Sometimes you have to just walk away. I've learned that sometimes you have to just let people make the mistakes they want to make.

If it's meant to be it'll be.




posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:35 PM
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a reply to: butcherguy

Thanks to everyone who has chipped in so far.
At this point everything my and indeed our Friends has advised has been repeated here. That’s a good thing as nobody here has anything invested personally in this so I thank you for that.

Oddly, when I do back off She calls or messages (usually when drunk) asking to meet “for one last argument.” Her words. When I messaged to check she actually made it home the following afternoon she said it was because she missed me. Bipolar? Hell, I have no idea but she blows hot and cold all the time.

She no longer has the luxury of being able to miss me given everything she has done but she keeps on trucking.

Mars/Venus anyone?



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:35 PM
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It seems pretty clear to me that she has moved on 99%. The remaining 1% is you being her security 'woobie'.

I recommend that you require more than that for yourself. Cut the mooring and let that boat float away.

You get to be selfish now... and that is a good thing!

Go have some fun.



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:36 PM
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Don't listen to all the quitters saying you shouldn't chase her. You should chase her!

And then hit her on the head or chloroform her, or do both. Carpe femina.



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:40 PM
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a reply to: Cymru




Oddly, when I do back off She calls or messages (usually when drunk) asking to meet “for one last argument.”

If I was in your place(which I am not) I would tell her that you are moving on with your life and don't have time to waste on such BS.
Get happy. You can't do it with someone calling you for the specific purpose of having an argument.



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:42 PM
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a reply to: Cymru


19 years and in a Relationship for the past 9,





Nine years? She knows you well enough by now and obviously wants nothing to do with you.


She has a Daughter now


Now? Not before? If Now and not before is the daughter yours, I suspect not as you did not say ''we'' have a daughter. So this would indicate that there as at least one more man in her life while you were in your '' relationshihp''..

It's good that you had some counseling however in your whole expose above we never once heard about the problems '' you might be responsible for instead you deliver a litany of what is wrong with her and not yourself.

Of course we here, nor am I a certified relationship counselors so that fact that you have come here, to an obscure conspiracy website that is known for quippy and slanderous comments for your relationship advice offers more of what may be considered your problems than any you have attributed to her.

Just saying.

Edit.

Don't listen to all the quitters saying you shouldn't chase her. You should chase her!

And then hit her on the head or chloroform her, or do both. Carpe femina.


See?


edit on 31America/ChicagoWed, 30 Oct 2019 12:44:30 -0500Wed, 30 Oct 2019 12:44:30 -050019102019-10-30T12:44:30-05:001200000044 by TerryMcGuire because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:43 PM
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a reply to: Cymru


Oddly, when I do back off She calls or messages (usually when drunk) asking to meet “for one last argument.”


Sounds like someone who gets off on the idea someone can't stand to live without them... I have very little to go off of, so I could certainly be wrong, but I've run into those types before myself.



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:45 PM
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originally posted by: CriticalStinker
...but I've run into those types before myself.


With a motor vehicle? Because that's the way a pro handles this.



posted on Oct, 30 2019 @ 12:48 PM
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originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: CriticalStinker
...but I've run into those types before myself.


With a motor vehicle? Because that's the way a pro handles this.


This comment alone is worth requesting a Like button. Loving your work.




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