So those 2 years, I tried to be loud and assertive, and defensive, like if there was some disagreement or misunderstanding, I'd try to explain and
clear it up, immediately (which people misunderstood as being argumentative).
Because both closest friends turning against me, seemed because I had been too passive and trusting. So it made sense that the message I'd get out of
it, would be that I needed to be more assertive, loud, etc.
But that was the wrong message, because the friendships were just broken friendships, that I should not have been in limbo about for years. Both
friendships ended badly anyway. And people just thought I was a jerk for being too loud and obnoxious, swearing, etc. I was basically trying to act
tough, in an embattled life, with my closest friends against me, while still trusting them...
I was a mess those 2 years. And I gave bad impressions of myself which I regret, but which I'd hope my friends would understand, why I was such a
Anyway, with Jimmy, the 8th year, it all ended when he became directly aggressive... after 2 years of passive-aggression.
Like I said, he bragged of gossiping / slandering me. Which means that my BEST friend was proud of being an enemy, basically, and proud of telling me
He knew that I was suffering and confused about my ex-girlfriend being proud of being unfaithful and hateful... He knew that I was dealing with that,
mentally / emotionally... So he made more problems against me.
He started sending me insults to my phone... As my BEST friend, who knew I was having a hard time.
He told me that no one likes me (this was my BEST-FRIEND telling me that), and he told me that everyone thought I had gone crazy... Apparently because
I didn't want his passive-aggressiveness.
And apparently because I was psychologically a mess from him and my ex-gf, both turning hateful and mean-spirited.
He knew all of that, full well, and his solution was to make more problems and insults. (Thankfully I have NOT lost other friends, so um, it wasn't
really true that no one likes me, lol. And people that he bragged of slandering me with, have said that they don't remember doing that, with him.)
His really BIG problem at the very end, was that I didn't write down his travel plans. Yup, a really big deal.
So he'd tell me verbally, his plans... and then the next week, before he arrived, I'd ask to double-check his plans. He wanted to see me, after
So he'd get FURIOUS that I asked a 2nd time, and that I didn't just memorize it or write it down, the previous week.
This killed our friendship, and um, I didn't think I was even doing something wrong. I was making plans with him like a normal person, lol.
Here's where the passive-aggression and direct-aggression really blew up.
So he'd have plans to see me, as best-friends, but then he'd get FURIOUS that I'd ask him a week later, to remind me of the exact day / time that he
And so then, he'd be SO ANGRY that I asked more than once: That he wouldn't answer me, the 2nd time.
So he'd be about to visit home, and we'd have plans to chill, and he wouldn't answer me, to confirm our plans.
So I'd end up asking him repeatedly, like maybe he doesn't check his text messages (or something). I'd keep asking him to confirm his plans that he
told me, the previous week.
So then he wouldn't answer for a few days, up to his actual day of traveling home, even while we had hanging plans.
And then he'd finally be all angry, complaining that I asked him "10 times" or whatever, and I'd be like, "What are you even talking about? You told
me your plans ONCE, last week, and right now, you're only telling me the 2nd TIME."
And he'd just be like, blah blah blah, you asked me 10 times... As if I was a lunatic, having the same conversation with him 10 times, lol. Which
was absolutely not the case. (He and I were not even talking, at all, when I'd keep asking him to confirm his own plans.)
I realized some MONTHS later, that he was playing games with the semantics of it. Because I was only asking-and-getting-an-answer TWICE, like a
normal person (who didn't happen to memorize it, or record it, the 1st time).
But his game was COUNTING how many times I'd ask him BEFORE HE'D ANSWER THE 2ND TIME.
So yeah, if I was asking him repeatedly (for like a week), before he'd respond the 2nd time, then sure, maybe I did ask 10 times, for his 2nd
So that situation ended our friendship, and it's clearly passive- / directly-aggressive games. I wanted to visit my best-friend, and he was playing
semantic word games, lol.
This travel-plan problem happened two different times that he visited home, and everything died.
I kept telling him to stop being passive-aggressive with me. The guy was bragging of slandering me, and telling me nonsense about asking him twice /
10 times, etc.
I'd even say that he was antagonizing me, and it made me angry, and made me feel like beating him up, lol. Which was true. However I never
"threatened" him, I ALWAYS just told him to stop antagonizing me, insulting me, etc.
It wrapped up with him basically bombing my phone with insulting voicemail and texts, and then blocking my phone. Oh, OK.
My side was the same, telling him to stop being passive-aggressive with me.
He even called me a "coward" for preferring to text instead of voice-call... as if THAT insult really makes sense, lol.
I was left wondering why he bombed my phone with insults, and blocked my phone. Now sure the 8-year best-friendship was over, by that point, but I
still wanted to know why my BEST friend of my life, had been insulting me and blocking my phone.
A few days later, I went to his house to ask him. He knew I came to TALK to him, and I even told him that, when I got there. (Our best-friendship
had been killed for about a week, but still, I wanted to understand his phone insults, and his 2 YEARS' passive-aggressiveness.)
So I get there and his wife runs out, yelling at me (and she legit had NOTHING to do with anything, lol). I told her I wanted to talk to him. She
yelled, "There's nothing to talk about! You hurt my husband really bad!"
And I'm like, "Well, no, I didn't hurt him. I told him for 2 years that I don't believe in passive-aggressive friendships. And lately I told him to
stop antagonizing me on the phone, and I told him it makes me angry. So I came here to ask him why he was sending me insults and blocking my phone."
So then he just stood in his doorway, and yelled insults at me, none of which had anything to do with anything. He insulted my car, for example, lol.
A millionaire insulting his best-friend, who had lived a life of poverty... insulting me that my car was lame.
He insulted me for trying to work with my dad, at the time, so he insulted me for not having a "real" job... which of course, doesn't really mean
Anyway I did respond, I did yell back at him... And told him that I wanted to TALK... tbc
edit on 15-10-2019 by JamesChessman because: (no