So part of the life experience is that, after the fact, all the memories of those 6 years, all become adjusted and revised, to fit the new
And this still happens now, even just spontaneously at certain times...
The last couple days I keep thinking about this one time that I came home from college, one day... And it was just a cute, loving little memory, all
But the last couple days, this memory got flipped into a new interpretation.
So the traditional memory was that I came home, and we were both living with the same friends in a shared townhouse, at the time.
So I came home, and she came to the door, and greeted me, and I kissed her, and this was still a new romance, so I was trying to be extra loving, and
assertive, and all that. So I kissed her, and used a cutesy voice to tell her that it was good to see her, and I missed her, and I loved her, etc.
Just clowning around a little, but in a loving way.
So she was nice and then she laughed and she was embarrassed, because she had a friend in the living room, who had heard me blabbing about how I
missed her and it was good to see her, etc.
So I always thought that she seemed embarrassed for her friend to hear me talking funny to her, but the last couple days, I've been thinking how the
truth is, she was embarrassed because she was probably engaged in sex acts with her friend, just moments before I came home, and kissed her...
Probably tasting the other guy's sweat, saliva etc. when kissing my own girlfriend lol. And not even realizing it.
But anyways, that's what she must have been embarrassed about, that day, lol. Plus she seemed flushed and for god's sake, she was flushed from her
sex acts that day, lol. Not from embarrassment at me talking to her funny, in front of her friend, which was how I had always taken it.
How disgusting to think that I was kissing her, just moments after she was performing sex acts on another guy, and then I tasted his saliva etc.
without even realizing it.
This was also at the start of our dating, so this shows that this was just her set-up for the whole relationship, apparently. It was all based on
that premise, of always cheating with her friends, all the time.
As her boyfriend, I was automatically in the sucker's position. I was the sucker boyfriend, living with my girlfriend, who was playing with her
friends, before I came home from college.
This also shows how there was disrespect built into that relationship, AGAINST me, as her official boyfriend.
That is, the boyfriend's position is automatically disrespected and degraded etc. the whole time.
And the proof of that, is on that very day lol!
As her boyfriend, I was clearly disrespected, just on that one day, in favor of her friend, before I came home, and she kissed me... with her friend's
bodily fluids already in her mouth.
This is obviously disrespectful toward me as her boyfriend, because I obviously don't want to taste some other guy's fluids, so it's fundamentally
And it's obviously putting her dumb-ass friend, as being treated as superior, over me as her boyfriend, that she was living with, and talking of
getting married, etc.
And that's just obvious who was being treated as superior over who... Just look at who was tasting other guys' bodily fluids on his girlfriend...
But I've also just come to claim all of her games and secrets as her own dynamics, that she based our whole relationship on.
So I attribute it all to her, she just likes to cheat all the time. I don't blame myself for her cheating, nor do I generally ever attribute
someone's choices and actions to anyone but themselves.
Also the biological aspect is really truly nauseating if you think about it enough lol.
edit on 8-11-2019 by JamesChessman because: (no
edit on 8-11-2019 by JamesChessman because: (no reason given)