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Rainy Days

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posted on Sep, 17 2019 @ 12:44 PM
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This is a poem I'm working on for my girlfriends birthday in a few weeks.
It's still not done I don't think so I thought I'd post it here and maybe get some tipsssss

Another mixture
To ease our little minds
Picture books
Are easier to flip through
And even easier to find

The way I feel
On rainy days
Im so amazed
By the beauty of your face

And when it's grey
You remind me
It's always sunny above the clouds




posted on Sep, 17 2019 @ 07:17 PM
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Pt.2

Here's another mixture,
To ease our little minds.

Like picture books,
Easy enough to flip through
And even easier to find.

On Those rainy days,
Im left amazed
By the beauty of your face.
And when it's grey
You explain and laugh.
The suns not hiding,
He's just biding time
Above the clouds.
It's always nice above the clouds.


edit on 17-9-2019 by SupermassiveBlackHOLE because: Punctuation

edit on 17-9-2019 by SupermassiveBlackHOLE because: Punctuation x2...lol



posted on Sep, 17 2019 @ 10:02 PM
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Or maybe this one.
Sorry my process is so ridiculous I'm just thinking on forum here.
Any input much appreciated!!!!!

On Those rainy days,
Im left amazed
By the beauty of your face,
And when it's grey
You explain and laugh
The suns not hiding
He's just biding time
Above the clouds
So Here's another mixture
To ease our little minds.
Like picture books.
Easy enough to flip through
And even easier to find...

It's always nice above the clouds



posted on Sep, 17 2019 @ 11:36 PM
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a reply to: SupermassiveBlackHOLE

Are you going to read out loud, sing, rap, etc.?

Or give her the words on paper, like in a card?



posted on Sep, 18 2019 @ 12:56 AM
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Well it will definitely be in a card.
But I think i might recite it as well from memory as she reads it



posted on Sep, 18 2019 @ 09:15 AM
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a reply to: SupermassiveBlackHOLE

I dunno wish I could help more but it's my wife's birthday today!

Maybe connect the ideas about how seeing her face is like being above the clouds? Her face is the sunshine above the clouds?



posted on Sep, 18 2019 @ 10:23 AM
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Great idea! Thanks!
I'll see if I can work that in.
Hope your wife has a good birthday!



posted on Sep, 18 2019 @ 11:01 AM
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originally posted by: SupermassiveBlackHOLE
Hope your wife has a good birthday!

Me too.



posted on Sep, 18 2019 @ 11:42 AM
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a reply to: SupermassiveBlackHOLE

One last quick thought. You are going to have to choose whether to make a metaphor or a simile. I.e., you will be either saying "your face IS the sun above the clouds" OR "your face is LIKE sunshine above the clouds".

Your choice will influence your content.

The metaphor (the first example above, with IS) is more intense and direct.

The simile (using LIKE) is more informal.

In a way it makes perfectly obvious sense. (The difference between BEING something and being LIKE something.)

Maybe you know this. Hope this doesn't sound pedantic. Good luck. Above all, let it flow from the heart...say it like you mean it.



posted on Sep, 18 2019 @ 12:18 PM
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Or try something like :

On those rainy days,
when it's grey,
the beauty of your face,
stays . . . with me.

It's always nice above the clouds,
that's what you like to say,
so laugh and explain to me if you will,
how you're so amazing everyday.



posted on Sep, 18 2019 @ 02:46 PM
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No totally relevant.
Thanks dictionary!

Thanks for the suggestion siege!
I've still got a few days to play with it
So who knows what could happen!




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